I, 17F, live in a 2-bedroom house with 4 other people: My dad, my mother, my younger sister (2F) and my godfather. Age doesn’t matter for the ones I didn’t specify.
My godfather sleeps on the couch (and has been doing it for years) and I used to share my room with my older sister who moved away last year. The younger one sleeps with my parents. So it’s clear that we don’t have a good condition, we need to share everything and we do use help from the government.
I always aspired to get out this life, growing and in the future, giving my parents better living conditions, and, as I live in a country that higher education is totally free (you just need to pass a final exam when you’re 17-18), this chance is closer than ever. This year is a lot of studying year for this exam, it’s my chance to finally go to college (for free!), live with my longterm gf and finally be someone in life.
But, recently, my mother brought home a new kid, 8F, that we’ll call L, L’s mother works a lot and doesn’t really stay in her house much, she also has an 18F daughter. And, my mother offered to take the child in and take care of her, for free btw, the woman doesn’t help with money and we have to pay EVERYTHING for the kid. But that was ok at first, we tought she was going to stay for a few weeks. But it has been months already, and she’s probably staying the WHOLE year here.
The point is, she eats A LOT and she is inconvenient, calling me things like: lazy (bc I don’t work), boring (bc I don’t play with her), ugly, etc. My mother has been spending money on treats for L, and I needed new shoes since last year, which she didn’t buy because she’s been spending on L. I also needed notebooks for studying, and she didn’t buy them, nor even the desk I need to study for college… My gf bought it and I had to buy the notebooks.
But the end of the line was when she put the girl to sleep in the same room as me (she was sleeping in a second bed in their room with a closet separating the room in two). I’m 17F, as I said, and I need my privacy, I need peace and space to study. She told me I always shared my room, but it was different bc it was with my sister, I don’t even know this girl, and she’s pretty invasive and noisy, I can’t even be with gf around her (she’s somwaht homophobic) or study bc she makes SO MUCH noise, she enters the room even when we tell her not to.
And I NEED somewhere to study that is pretty silent, bc I have ADHD and its pretty hard for me to concentrate, and before that, my mother promised me that I would have somewhere quiet to study. So I confronted her about it, asking her to put the girls bed on her room bc I need to study, for me, and for them too. But she said no, and said I only wanted a room for myself bc I was… Shameless? And wanted to ‘sleep’ with my gf there? or sum like that. I got mad and said I was going to leave the house and she said I should, that it would be better for her.
WIBTA if I left the house?
For you to have your own bedroom while **four** people share another room, is an unreasonable expectation on your part.
However, that is not the question you are asking.
YWNBTA for moving out of your house, and you should do so asap.
. . .
Edited for typo
Yeah, IK, but I don’t think they thought this through and my mother said I wouldnt need to share the room. It wouldn’t be a problem if it was for 3-6 weeks, but it will be for a whole year. We already have too many people in the house, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to put someone else here.
It’s not a good idea, they didn’t think it through but it’s still not something you can control. The only thing you can do is study outside your room in the living room/kitchen/library/friends or neighbors house until you can pass the test get into uni and move out. I’m sorry OP, your parents sound like lovely people who try to help others but don’t seem to share your foresight and aspirations.
My house is just a kitchen, a living room (also, playroom + sleep room for my godfather) and the two bedrooms, all the rooms are connected, and my room would be the most silent place :/
There’s no library in my city and the only friend I could count on is also studying and she’s in school from 12PM to 8PM, I’m in school from 5AM to 5PM, so it’s a pretty different time, our neighbors aren’t… nice people, if im being honest.
:/
At 17 you are not entitled to a room of your own in a house with five other people in it. Start studying at a library. get a scholarship and move away for school and have gf time at her place. you have a very short time left to study, stop demanding everyone act how you want them to act and do your work elsewhere. Ywbtah if you let an 8 year old being a 8 year old derail you from school.
There’s no library here in my city, plus I wake up 5AM to to go school in another city and come back only 4:30PM, I can’t really afford to bathe, leave the house to go to another city again to study and come back. If I could, I would, but the onty place I have is my house, and the kid makes noise and keeps interrupting everything I do. I don’t want a room for myself, just a place I can study in silence. Plus, I can’t go to my gf all the time, maybe once in a month, bc she lives, again, in another city and she’s the one that can come here 4-6 times a month.
I don’t live in US. I live in Brazil, things are different here.
No. Leave. NTA.
hi hun! first of all, wishing you the best of luck in your exams for college. while reading, i’m guessing we might be from the same country (BR) although i currently live in a different one nowadays. sadly, i feel like lots of folks over here will not have the best advice for you because they don’t really understand how things work in brazil (such as accessibility to education, housing, libraries, how family homes can look like, or how parents can really fail in listening to their children when they’re asking to be heard). so, no. you would absolutely not be the asshole. if you do have the ability to safely move out and be in a confortable environment where you will have all your needs met and be able to study to get into the college you want and keep taking the steps forward for the life that you want, do it. there’s nothing selfish about doing what’s best for you. culturally, often brazilian parents makes children feel like it’s our responsibility to sacrifice our wants, needs and dreams because that might have been what they did for us or because their our elders. but at the end of the day you are the one person who has to live your life and you deserve to live the life you dream of. if you’re from brazil for sure, i know how stressful the college exams are and you deserve a peaceful, stress-free environment to prepare and study for them. wishing you the best of luck. here if you need to chat!
Sim, é meio que isso! :/
Obrigada por entender, e nao é meio q isso, é EXATAMENTE isso. Minha mãe nao acha meus estudos muito valiosos, e eu sei q ela so quis fazer o “melhor” pra menina mas isso vem afetando toda a familia e a casa, é impossivel fazer algo em silencio aqui, mal tenho privacidade pra nada, e eu já tenho 17 anos, eu gostaria de poder fazer as minhas coisas, no meu quarto, do meu jeito. Eu sei q é paia pedir pra q 4 pessoas durmam juntas em um soʻ quarto, mas eu singo q ela deveria ter pensado nisso antes de sacrificar a minha privacidade e futuro pra ajudar uma pessoa q mal fala c ela e q eu tb n conheço, sem a permissão do meu pai, padrinho e minha. Ninguém concorda com ela.
Leave the house if you have somewhere to go. Your mother obviously cares more about a strangers kid than her daughter. Go to college, get a good job & leave your family behind.
Move. You’d be doing yourself and everyone else a favor. Go to the library to study.
I’m in BRAZIL, there’s no libraries here, at least, not everywhere. And as I said to another user, I don’t have time to go to another city (30 minutes from here) to study and come back, I wake up 5AM to go to school and come back to my house 4:30PM, or even later. There’s nowhere I can stay to study that isn’t my house, things are different from the US here :/
NTA.
I’m not from a country that offers free higher education, so I have a question for you. Is student housing part of it? If it is, I think you need to go. Honestly, I think you need to go regardless. This isn’t a healthy situation for you.
For studying with your ADHD, have you tried headphones or a quiet place outside of the house if you have access to either? People have suggested a library, but depending on your city, you may not have access to one. Is there a park, lake or beach? Somewhere out in nature that isn’t so full of people? A rooftop, maybe? I’m just trying to think of anywhere you can go temporarily until you can pass your exam. My ADHD would get me too sucked up in people watching for some of those places, but my roof was a nice quiet space that kept me from getting too distracted.
Good luck with everything!
Definitely move out if you can. And if there are libraries go study there or stay at school and study there if that works better. You need somewhere you can exist without heaps of noise. I completely understand how this kid being noisy makes it impossible for you to study. Plus whilst people have a point about the shared room situation your mom promised it wouldn’t impact you and it is. She’s spending money she should have used to help you on this child and she keeps moving how long the kid will be with you. Honestly she’d prefer to look good to the kids mom than be a proper parent for you.