I (29M) am a musician. My girlfriend (28F) is a software engineer. She studied electrical engineering before switching into software, and ever since then she kind of thinks she knows everything about anything remotely technical.
We’ve been having issues with the mini split heat pump system in the house she owns. It stopped heating properly and was throwing error codes. She immediately wanted to open the unit herself and “take a look inside.” I wasn’t comfortable with that because HVAC systems deal with high voltage and refrigerant, and if something goes wrong you’re looking at a huge repair bill. So I called a professional HVAC tech (friend of a friend) to come check it out.
When the tech came, he took the unit apart, poked around for a bit, and said the issue was probably a refrigerant leak somewhere in the system and that the control board was “acting up because of it.” He also said the unit is old and no longer supported by the manufacturer, so replacement parts aren’t really available, and that we should plan to replace the whole system eventually. He did not do any pressure tests or anything, just a visual inspection and some quick checks, and left it at that.
After he left, my girlfriend insisted he leave the control board exposed and not close the unit completely because she wanted to inspect it herself. She went online, found pirated service manuals and board schematics, and started testing the board with a multimeter. She claimed the tech’s leak theory made no sense because if the refrigerant was actually leaking, replacing an electrical component would not magically make the system heat again.
She ended up identifying a failed electrolytic capacitor on the control board and ordered a replacement one. When it arrived, she soldered it in herself. The system turned back on and is now heating like normal.
Now she’s acting like this proves the HVAC guy was completely wrong and that I was wrong for calling him in the first place. She is also insisting that I pay for the HVAC visit since “he misdiagnosed it,” even though she owns the house and still benefited from having someone come out and take a look.
I am still uneasy about it. Just because it works now does not mean it is actually fixed long term. To me, this feels like forcing a failing system to limp along instead of addressing the real issue. She is not an HVAC tech or a licensed electrician, she works on computers all day. She is also very girly and normally super careful about her appearance, like she freaks out about breaking a nail or ruining her manicure, which makes it even harder for me to take her seriously when she is suddenly elbow deep in wiring and soldering irons.
Now she is mad at me for “not trusting her competence” and says I do not respect her technical background. I feel like I am just being cautious about safety and reliability.
You called, you pay.
YTA. It’s her house, she wanted to fix it but you in your manly wisdom decided she wasn’t skilled enough to do the job. YOU called the tech who didn’t fix the problem, she did so you pay the guy YOU called.
I hope to God that this is rage bait. If not, YTA You are the guy in every story I hear from women friends who work in STEM. Condescending and dismissive. Being “girly” doesn’t mean that a woman isn’t capable or qualified. My partner is a mechanical engineer who has worked in construction for 30 years and he would have done exactly what your your gf did. I’m guessing you don’t have much experience dealing with this sort of HVAC repairs. The techs will almost always suggest that you replace your unit….more money for them.
Also, if she owns the house why shouldn’t it be up to her to decide how to handle repairs?
First of all, you called someone against her wishes in her home. Even before any other consideration, you pay. Even if they’d successfully fixed it, you pay. What kind of asshole hires someone to come to their partner’s home, against their partner’s wishes, and then expects their partner to pay for it?
She correctly diagnosed the issue and stopped you getting ripped off by your “friend” who clearly either couldn’t diagnose the issue properly or just decided to make some money from you
You’re projecting “she thinks she knows best so should make the decisions” as an excuse for you to make the decisions because you know best. The difference being that she actually had justification for her competence whereas yours seems to be based on sexism as far as I can tell. You thought she wouldn’t be able to do it so you made a decision in **her** home to get someone in
Except that she was right and you are wrong, as was your “professional” friend, so you just ended up belittling her because you thought she couldn’t do something that she is clearly capable of.
She was ENTIRELY correct, and the supposed professional was ENTIRELY wrong, and you think she should pay for the repairman that YOU brought into and didn’t even fix it? Give your head a wobble, man
Even in this post you are STILL belittling her by
1. Acting like you still know best when she fixed it (and actually she’s nailed the fix, if it’s a capacitor issue then that isn’t a sign of a “failing system”, at all)
2. Talking about her breaking a nail and how you cant take her seriously because she looks nice
IN HER OWN HOME, you are using your chauvinism and all the extensive electrical knowledge of… \*checks notes*… your education as a musician… to belittle her actual competence
Jesus Christ man, it’s 2026. Do better
YTA, no question about it. You need to pay the incompetent “professional” that you unnecessarily brought into her home
This is the best answer in this whole thread
If OP is so threatened by her he needs to go find a woman that’s more down on his level – this girl is wayyyyyyy too good for him
YTA- she deserves better, pay the stupid bill
YTA. She also fixed it. Pay the HVAC you are who called them.
YTA. This is such a misogynistic post!
You’ve given reasons why your girlfriend has the technical knowledge and skills to repair the HVAC (probably far more theoretical technical knowledge than the HVAC engineer). The engineer said there was no hope and to replace the entire system, and she assessed it, fixed it and got it working again.
Because you have no technical knowledge and couldn’t do it yourself, you completely underestimate her. And say you can’t take her seriously because she looks after her appearance.
Seriously dude! You don’t deserve her.
This is her house? YTA.
And you called the guy in without her say so? YTA.
And you expect her to pay? YTA.
And you think her years of study and work are irrelevant because of her appearance? **YTA.**
“Now she’s acting like this proves…”
She isn’t acting, that is reality.
Obviously YTA just for calling a “professional” against the home owners wishes. Which could have been rectified if you apologized and payed for your mistake, but refusing to admit you were wrong while the proof stares you in the face might be what she needs to realize how much better she can do.
If that’s the case I’ll change my vote for opening her eyes.
YTA. She literally proved your friend was wrong about the problem, who did pretty much jack shit except LOOK at the problem, and she managed to get it turned on using her own research and skill. Pay the bill and admit you were wrong to assume your girlfriend didn’t know what she was talking about.
There’s 3 things here, but I’m actually going to say yes, you are, but not for the reason you think.
1. The HVAC guy; I’m an HVAC guy I got five years experience, I do commerical, and have my type 2 refrigerant license, yada yada, all that jazz. Now the system being old and out of date, sure , I could believe it. But this guy just vaguely said “some leak”, he didn’t point out any ice over, or break out a test kit? How did he arrive to the conclusion without checking the board and find the other possible issues. But that doesn’t make you TA
2. Your girl knows her shit, and is right to be skeptical. Engineers also often side study HVAC, my uncle is a water pump engineer, and I can’t even go into detail about him without doxxing myself, dudes wrote a few manuals that are still follows by other engineers. Anyhow, engineers actually knowing HVAC, isn’t even rare. Regardless if they’re often a thorne in my side. But your skepticalness doesn’t make you TA
3. Now, going around your girls back and expecting her to pay for you going behind her back instead of communicating? Wow dude. Wow. That’s your girl, I would even do that to a friend. You really gonna not communicate? What is your relationship built on? Lies? Backstabbing? That’s what what action displays.
YTA. It is her house. If she wants to try to fix her HVAC and breaks it that’s her problem. You have no business calling a repair man to fix her stuff at her expense without her approval.
If someone undermined me like this they would be out of my house.
Also if she has a degree in engineering she would have learned thermodynamics and understanding how an HVAC works.
Wow massive the AH. I am also an electrical engineer. We are trained for electronic repairs and know the dangers of high voltage.
Just because she is now working in software (like I do too) doesn’t mean we can’t poke around at a board.
All engineers in my country even have basic training in heat transfer and systems that use the refrigerant cycle.
I can’t fathom your point about her being girly like it discard her from being intelligent and able.
I never write to these stories, but you scratched something deep man.
Stop being a sexist.
Stop thinking people can’t do stuff because they are women.
I would be sooo fucking mad.
YTA
She’s an electrical engineer. Your sexism is showing