So, I (22F) live with my roommate, Jess (24F). We’ve been sharing an apartment for about a year, and it’s been mostly smooth sailing. However, things recently took a turn when Jess asked if she could host her wedding at our apartment in two months. To give some context, our apartment is a small 2-bedroom unit in a nice part of town but it’s definitely not big enough for a wedding. The place is cozy, but cozy doesn’t exactly translate to wedding venue. When Jess first brought it up, I thought she was joking. But she was serious, she wants to have a small, intimate ceremony and reception at the apartment. She said it would save money and she assured me that she’d handle everything: the decorations, the catering, the cleaning, etc. I immediately felt uncomfortable with the idea. While I understand that weddings can be expensive, I just didn’t think it was a good idea to hold such a big event in our shared space. I told Jess that I didn’t feel comfortable with it mostly because of the space issue but also because I just didn’t want to have strangers in my home all day. We have some nice neighbors and I didn’t want to risk noise complaints or ruining the vibe of the apartment especially since it’s such a tight-knit community. Jess got upset. She said I was being selfish and that it wasn’t like I would be hosting the wedding, she would be doing everything. But the reality is, the space is still shared and I’m the one who will have to live with the aftermath like cleaning up, extra traffic in the building, and just the general disruption. She even mentioned that she would pay me for my trouble but honestly, I don’t think money solves the discomfort of having such a personal event in our shared space. I suggested other options like renting a small venue but Jess insists that’s too expensive. She’s also saying I’m not being supportive of her wedding plans and that’s making me feel bad. But, at the same time, I still feel like it’s a lot to ask of someone to let them turn your home into a wedding venue. So, AITA for refusing to let my roommate host her wedding at our apartment? Should I just suck it up and let her do it?
Info: how many guests?
NTA, but wouldn’t she be moving out? Shouldn’t she have her new place with her fiancé by then? Why couldn’t they have their wedding in their new place?
(It’s not real)
I couldn’t host 20 people in my house! Of course this isn’t real.
Questions: Is this just a one-day wedding (afternoon into evening, for example) or is it longer? If they got me a NICE hotel room for the weekend and promised it would be cleaned up and back to normal by Sunday afternoon, why not? I would look at it as a stay-cation and get away. If it is like a full week of decorating and people in and out of the apt, I can understand your apprehension. How many people is she wanting to attend this wedding? Do you have a backyard, is this part of the reason, because having it in a small apartment with more than 10 people sounds horrible, from a comfort and logistical standpoint?
All of these things matter: Timing and duration of event and number of people.
The wedding is planned for one day, it would be an afternoon ceremony and then an evening reception. It wouldn’t be a multi-day event so there’s no concern about it going on for a week or anything. As for the number of people, she’s inviting around 20 which feels like a lot for a 2-bedroom apartment. No backyard, unfortunately so everything would be in the apartment itself which is why I’m concerned about the space and the logistics. I get that it’s just one day and I guess if it were a smaller guest list, I’d be more open to it. The idea of a hotel stay is interesting but I’m not sure if I could fully relax knowing that the place is being used for a big event like that even if it’s cleaned up afterward. I’m just having trouble picturing how it would all work out without feeling crowded or overwhelmed.
If your apt cannot comfortably accommodate 20 people, most likely they will not linger and hang out for more than a few hours. Why doesn’t she rent an Airbnb with a nice backyard and do it there?
This sounds like it might be against the fire code.
Also, how many bathrooms does the apartment have that you don’t have to go through your bedroom to access? Sounds like a recipe for a plumbing emergency/shit show.
I see why you’re apprehensive especially because I’m sure you have shared furniture/decor/etc in the common areas.
Is her fiance going to move in with you? If not, why not have it at their new place?
Also, I think you have to agree for someone to be added to the lease.
One thing that might make you feel better about a 1-2 day hotel stay is documenting the condition of the apartment with photos and a notarized agreement that she’ll be responsible for any damage to the apt or your personal items. This still won’t stop the LL from coming after you though you could sue her in Small Claims.
~~I-N-F-O:~~
How small and intimate is “small, intimate”?
I already know what my verdict leans towards, but in the interests of fairness, this is important information which you have omitted.
If we’re talking the celebrant, two guests, and a dog, I might be swayed in the other direction.
**UPDATE:**
Apparently “small, intimate” is about 20 people.
About forty years ago I lived in a two-bedroom apartment. The largest gathering I ever hosted in it had eight guests plus my then-partner and me. So ten people total, and even that felt crowded.
Jess is not only being inconsiderate to you, she is also being inconsiderate to her wedding guests, and to your neighbors. A small apartment is NOT a suitable venue to host twenty or more guests (you can bet your life the “about” will mean it ends up being more than twenty), plus the bridal couple and celebrant. And I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be a next-door neighbor to this.
If Jess and her partner can’t afford anything else, they should either postpone their wedding and save up until they can, or scale back their plans to something they can afford.
NTA.
The OP mentioned 20 people and I think that’s too many even if they are well behaved.
Thank you for the info.
Far too many.
NTA. But out of curiosity – what’s her plan for the apartment after the wedding? Husband moving in? Going on honeymoon?
NTA. This isn’t going to work out. If she can’t afford a small space, then just get married at the courthouse.
Question: what are the plans after she gets married? Is her spouse moving in or is she moving out?
BTW: I suggest she look around for free/low cost venues. Community centers, libraries, even some restaurants (will need to pay for their food). And don’t mention it’s a wedding and she’ll get a better price.
NTA. Even if it’s small and intimate, I live in a larger than average 2 bedroom apartment and when we had a “housewarming” gathering with only 17 people it felt crowded. I remember people hosting apartment parties when I was in college, and one big issue is that when events get over like 20 people, people always used to gravitate to hang out in the hosts bedrooms because there’s not enough living room space for that many people.
Now, the offered money might change things for me if I was 1) able to lock my door to prevent strangers from going in my bedroom, and 2) it was enough to cover the inconvenience of not being able to be in my space for the whole day (at least covering coffee and two meals out since I won’t have access to a place to hang out or kitchen/groceries). But at the end of the day it is a shared space and decisions about hosting should be made together, and if you’re not comfortable with it then you’re not comfortable with it.