I’m 21F and I have a 5-year-old son. I still see my parents regularly and we have dinner together about once a week.
Recently, they’ve been making comments about how I’m raising him. They think I’m too relaxed and that I should be stricter about what he likes and how he expresses himself. I don’t agree, I just want him to feel supported and not ashamed of who he is.
At our last family dinner, my dad made a joke in front of everyone about how I “let him get away with anything.” My mom chimed in and said I’m going to regret being so soft. I tried to ignore it at first, but it kept going.
Eventually I said, in front of everyone, that I don’t appreciate them criticizing my parenting publicly and that if they have concerns, they can talk to me privately instead of making jokes about it. The table got really quiet. My parents were clearly embarrassed and later told me I disrespected them by “talking back” in front of the family.
Now they think I owe them an apology for how I handled it. I don’t think I was wrong to stand up for myself, but maybe I could’ve handled it differently.
AITA?
More info needed. What is it they disapprove of? Is he screaming and hitting you? Is he harming others? Is he being rewarded for bad behaviors?
INFO – There is so much missing here to make a proper judgement. What exactly do your parents have an issue with? Do you discipline him at all? Does your child yell and throw temper tantrums in public spaces? Or do they think you’re “too relaxed” as in “you let him pick out his own outfits”.
Because right now it sounds like you’re a permissive parent who’s dancing around the real topic.
Edit: typo
I second this! I see so many kids not being parented at all and If she’s letting him get away with whatever they are right. But if she’s like just letting him express himself as in playing with whatever kind of toys he wants then she’s right. But her vagueness makes me think it’s the first one.
You don’t give enough information. I have seen parents who let their children express themselves and that means someone else had to clean up the mess. All because their parents don’t take charge and actually be a parent. So you need to be more specific before an actual judgment can be given.
You know you’re leaving out massive parts of this story.
If your son was running around throwing plates against the wall and you’re not doing anything, vs he’s singing loudly at the table and you’re not doing anything.
More info is needed.
PLUS – having a kid at 16 means I’m pretty sure you’ve relied heavily on your parents while raising him, given you were a child yourself, so I’m sure it’s tough pivot for them to make to suddenly hand over the reigns to you as a full-fledged parent.
Info: can you give more specifics? What do they think you let him get away with? How does he express himself that you’re OK with and they’re not?
Okay, now tell us what you’re leaving out so we can actually make a judgement.
Right? Like is she letting him run around restaurants and pestering other eaters, or is he just playing with his dinosaurs too loudly at the table?
Is he throwing a fit for not getting his way or does he just get mopey when he doesn’t get to get a second cookie?
Is he staying up until he’s so tired he falls asleep at 1am or does he just whine about bedtime at 8:30?
There is no way to give a judgement without knowing what they disapprove of.
I feel like OP has deliberately withheld this information because it’s likely she’d be called an asshole if she told us what he’s actually been up to.
Like girl, we need to know if he’s strangling the dog or pushing his peas around the plate in disgust.
What EXACTLY, without roundabouts your son did… nothing at all?, he was reading and missed the call for dinner, he was playing soccer in the living room, he was urinating in the kitchen sink, he was playing a videogame and didn’t listen to them… what?. O.O
Need more context…..
You may well be raising him “wrong”?
Is there any discipline? Do you let him just do what he wants?
Let him go to bed when he feels like it?, eat what he wants?
Children need boundaries
You’re a kid raising a kid… so let’s dig for more details. What is he doing for them to comment on in such a way? Mouthy? Running around? Throwing fits? Blaring the iPad or phone? What specific actions trigger comments? You were around 15-16 when he was born so did they help raise him while you were in school? Did you two recently move out so they’re seeing more changes in him that appear negative to them? I work in an elementary school and the amount of tech addicted children who have no emotional control is maddening. And their parents don’t see it. I see it with my nephew and his grandma. She doesn’t think his bad behavior is an issue while his parents are working on stopping it. And since you are sibling age to your child, it’s possible you’re not seeing certain behaviors as an issue. That being said, they could absolutely be going overboard on your son as well. We’re missing a lot of information.
I mean you are 21 with a 5 year old.. they probably shouldn’t be giving parenting tips to be honest. Just saying.
Since youre hiding what your child’s behavior involves, YTA.