I (24F) have a younger sister "Marisa" (13F). She’s at that age where she’s starting to mature and turning into a social butterfly. Our parents hate it. We live in a small town with a low crime rate, but they’re afraid of "pack mentality" and think she’ll make stupid decisions if she’s out with a group of kids in public, without adult supervision.
Marisa recently texted me and asked me if I could drive her to the diner. It was mid-morning, and she was going to brunch with friends (apparently 13 year olds love brunch, who knew?) so I said yes. When I picked her up, it became very apparent that she was sneaking out. I didn’t say a word about it, drove her to the diner. I stayed close by and then drove her back home – she tried to sneak back in and got caught. They didn’t know she was gone until they caught her.
So naturally, when grilled about the situation, Marisa told our parents that I drove her. They are livid that I was her "getaway driver" and that I didn’t snitch on Marisa for sneaking out.
I told them I wouldn’t have covered for her (if they had asked me where she was I would have told them) if they had asked. They said I "went against their rules" and I told them if they would let Marisa go out this situation wouldn’t have happened in the first place. They told me I’m not her parent, I don’t get to make those decisions.
AITA for being my little sister’s "getaway car driver"?
NTA. Everybody here acting like she drove her to snort cocaine in a dark alley. The girl went to brunch with friends in broad daylight and asked a trusted adult to drive her there and back. Yeah she snuck out, teens with strict parents don’t learn to stay home and obey rules, they learn to lie and deceive. It’s better that she turns to her adult sister, who can talk her out of doing dangerous things, than to adult strangers or other teens. The parents don’t realize that having an older daughter their teen can trust and confide in is a good thing. It means if the younger daughter is doing something actually dangerous, they’ll have their older daughter to intervene. She can be an ally to both the parents and the sister. The only thing that’s gonna change is now the teen is gonna sneak out without telling anyone, how is that safer?
This. And I hope the parents are ready for both their daughters to end up low contact with them some day. Being *that* controlling and refusing to admit your teenager is growing up will bite you in the ass one day.
In her fight with them about it they said not to be calling me about sneaking out again and she was like “I’ll walk then” 🤷🏼♀️
I am both the kid who snuck out at a young age due to overly strict parenting and now the mother of two girls with a 12 year age gap.
As the child I wanted freedom to hang out with friends, oddly enough most often at a diner. As a parent I want my girls to be safe from the evils of this world, most of which they don’t take seriously enough until older. You, as the in-between, are the perfect person to not embarrass them while keeping them safe.
I would talk with your sister and share some of the dangers of sneaking out. Talk about things that probably won’t, but could happen, and that’s why it’s important for an adult to always know where she is. I’d ask her to do something like share her location with you on something like Life360. Tell her you’ll always be there for her no matter what happens and to call you whenever she needs you. As a mom, I say the same thing, but it’s never a bad thing to have too many safe people.
Your parents and sister need to go to counseling together. Hopefully there a comprise can be made and both parties will be able to see and understand the other side more clearly. I’d also offer to work together with your parents to help bridge the gap so things don’t go the wrong way with your sister, especially if she’s mentioned continuing to do it anyway.
The only things I might suggest are to stay closer than you think necessary, because unfortunately you don’t know when even your supervision will be deemed too much, and get to know the friends. Brunch at the diner is fine, weed pens in the diner bathroom is not. 🤷🏻♀️
I’m going to go against the grain here.
NTA
you gave your sister a ride to BRUNCH.
That is a perfectly normal thing to believe a 13 year old is allowed to do. It isn’t like you picked her up after her curfew and drove her to a keg party in the woods.
If I had kids with a huge age gap like this I’d be thrilled to see them “rule breaking” together. I’d make noises about it in front of both of them and then praise big sis privately for looking out for her and fostering a bond. Mom and Dad are going to be gone someday and I’d love it if they still had a tight relationship forged over goofy stuff like sneaky brunch.
<puts on stern dad voice>
“Listen here you 2 young ladies, sure it starts off with an innocent chicken and waffles, but what then? Next thing you know… someone is offering you eggs Benedict. When you can’t afford the hollandaise sauce anymore you start stealing from your grandma!!! You want to break your grandma’s heart?”
Yep, brunch is a slippery slope to perdition…
NTA, even if I understand why your parents are furious.
I worked with teens, most of them… of the interesting sort, for a decade. Most likely? The best you, and your parents, can do in this? Is to allow you to be “the fun sister”, within reason. Give her a safe place to rebel, before this goes bad. Cause how it is now? She turns to you, and you seem to (albeit a bit clumsy) genuinely be willing and able put a effort into keeping her safe.
Man I am gonna get downvoted to hell. But it really depends on your parents, imo.
If your parents are completely overbearing and don’t let her do anything ever, then I am on your side. I had friends who were never allowed out and then they went crazy in college and did some really sketchy dangerous stuff that they most likely wouldn’t have if they’d had any freedom in high school. It’s important for teenagers to have a safe outlet and a way to have fun. Brunch where you’re sitting on the other side of the diner is so harmless and really safe.
On the other hand, if your parents are typically moderate and fair, then there’s probably a good reason your parents didn’t want her to go. It may be worth trying to talk to your parents about how you can facilitate a safe but independent experience sometimes for your sister. (But only if they are rational)
I think it’s wild that Reddit is just blindly siding with the parents. There are so many stories on here about abusive or controlling parents. This doesn’t seem to be that extreme, but it still could be the parents are the issue.
I wonder how many of these people never snuck out of the house when they were little…
An adult making sure she arrived and left safely and being in the vicinity is actually pretty good for safety..
If the parents were smart they’d make sure the older sibling was always the “getaway” driver. Make a show of being upset but confer with the driver to make sure it’s all safe.
Because next time she sneaks out she won’t ask the older sibling if they are considered a snitch.
Well, when she turns 18 and wants to get out at least she’s got you.
Seriously, the more they put her under their thumb, the more she’ll rebel.
NTA
NTA. You stayed nearby just in case. Marisa was NOT going wild. She was in a diner with other kids, being watched from a polite distance. (I’d’ve gone in and sat near the entrance, but been unobtrusive.)
Your parents are right that they should’ve known, but maybe if they didn’t treat her like a potential criminal they would’ve. I’d do the same for my brother.
I am aware that this is the unpopular opinion. Please don’t attack me, it’ll just piss you off and change nothing.
I guess they would rather her sneak out and get in someone else’s car.
yeah, you’re not her parent; you’re her sister! imo it’s normal for siblings to help each other break parental rules while also keeping each other out of serious trouble. i don’t understand why people are acting like this is such a terrible thing, and that you committed some kind of atrocity. you may be TA for helping your sister break your parents’ rules, but you definitely are NTA for being a half decent sister