I, f(22), and my bf, m(25), have been living together for almost a year. However, my parents are VERY religious (catholic). They have brought me up my entire life to be religious and follow the Bible. They have instilled very traditional values into me and my brother our entire lives. have have always known it’s an expectation we may never have sleepovers with a SO, live with them before marriage, have children out of wed-lock, etc. However, as I’ve aged, I have grown away from christianity as a whole and would consider myself agnostic now.
I finally told to my parents that my boyfriend and I have been living together for over a year. I have been considering telling them, but I have always been afraid of getting in trouble and them not seeing me the same. I do not have a great relationship with either of my parents due to the strain they put on me in high-school (they cared more about my grades than my mental health, and they made that very known). My parents have always threatened things from me and my brother. They would threaten to take away our cars, our phones, time with friends, etc. to get us to do what they want. I have grown very resentful of my parents.
My mom has gone off on me for living with my boyfriend. We have been together for well over 2 years now. We plan on being engaged soon, as we are both in our full-time careers. We even have a dog together. When I tried to explain my side, she called me rude and told me I am wrong. I was explaining to her that I don’t agree with her beliefs. I don’t want to be under her wing anymore, and I feel I am old enough to make these choices for myself. AITA for disagreeing with them? Am i in the wrong for doing this behind their back for over a year? Is there anything I can do to make them see my side?
NTA, not even close. My blood boils at self-righteous religious types who force their beliefs on others. You honored your parents as a minor living under their roof. You grew up, determined your own beliefs, now you live under your own roof now and they should respect your beliefs.
NTA. You valid. Parents often mistake guidance for control. You guys are both still pretty young, 22 and 25, but it seems like you guys have your financial life sorted, considering yall both got full time careers and still have time for a dog. That sounds like yall winning in life right now. In this economy, not many people your age are at where yall are at. So if your parents haven’t said it, I, a random stranger, am proud of you. Your parents will come around and realize that their blueprint isn’t the only path to success, and you are living proof of it. 🙏🏼
Congratulations! Moving in with your partner is lovely and I wish you both all the best wherever life takes you.
Im sorry that your parents prioritise religion and appearance over health and well-being. Its hard and it sucks – but you are entitled to build the life you want, free of religion or any other thing thats not good or right for you.
You are an adult, you dont need their permission or approval for anything. You also dont need to take their criticisms and opinions. Especially when youre independent and making/paying your own way
I would seriously suggest therapy, it will give you a place to vent and to work through the layers of abuse.
Not The AH – not even close
But parents who force beliefs on other adults and refuse medical help for their child – massive AH
NTA. You’re an adult and you’re 100% allowed to make your own decisions. Your parents are not entitled to any information about your life if you don’t want them to know anyways.
NTA. They had 18 years to demonstrate their belief system and they don’t get to dictate the rest of your life. It is your choice what you believe and the values you adopt. Hopefully they choose to have a relationship with you and acknowledge they don’t get to control you, but you may need to establish boundaries with them when it comes to their opinions and how they treat your partner.
NTA — you didn’t “betray” your parents, you just stopped auditioning for the role they wrote for you when you were 8.
You’re 22. You have a full-time career. You’ve lived independently for a year. You’re in a stable, long-term relationship. This isn’t rebellion — it’s adulthood.
NTA! I’m dealing with this right now and I’ll tell you what my therapist told me. “At some point in your adult life, you’ll realize you don’t need their [parents] approval to be happy.”
NTA. The thing is- is that you are an adult now. You have your own beliefs and make your own decisions. You don’t have to tell your parents what you do or don’t do. You didn’t do anything wrong. They are Catholic and you are not. They want you to be who they moulded you into but you are your own person. They can’t accept that? Too bad.
NTA. At all. You are living your life the way you want to live it. And it sounds like you’re doing it well. You have every right to live your life the way you choose.
Maybe see about a little bit of therapy to deal with the emotions and damage your parents have caused.
You can never make them see your side. They are fixated on their beliefs and will never change.
Live your life and live it well.
NTA. Tell her to chill if she ever wants to meet her future grandchildren
NTA
This type of religion is a blight on humanity.
Be happy with your bf and don’t let your toxic parents try to guilt & coerce you back under their thumb. Its sad they’re so brainwashed they can’t be happy for you, or even act like normal people.
Living together before marrying is the most logical thing to do as you two make sure you’re compatible before marriage or have kids.
NTA. You are a grown woman and your parents can get over the fact that they dont have control in your life anymore
NTA
It’s their religion. It’s their choices. And how you were treated by them is why you’re walking away from their ‘values’.
I don’t think it’s very Jesus based to not care about your children’s mental health.
Also doubt Jesus cares you live with someone who loves you, about time that happened.
Ahhh a letter from past me! I could have written this 20 years ago. My parents are Methodist though.
No they will not get over it.
No they will not approve until you get married. They might or might not. The grandchildren helped.
No you are not wrong. It is hard to work up the courage to tell your parents something you KNOW they will disapprove of.
The most important thing is to live YOUR life that you want. Trying to put yourself into the box they want for you will only damage you.
I can tell you from personal experience that you will hold more hatred and resentment if you try to live the life they want you to live.
NTA. If you want my judgement