I(24f)used to work a very high stress job with 12-16 hours shifts. We weren’t allowed phones and had no contact with the outside when working, so coworkers got close to each other cause all we had was to talk to one another.
I have one male coworker (mid 30s) who I got really close with due to helping him with some mental issues and working on his relationship with his wife( separated but not divorced). I had gone to him a few times about my relationship and a few people at work had concerns about my relationship from just what they were seeing. I will say I was in a shitty situation kinda. My bf (31 together for 2 years with a child) wasn’t really working and I had to work 50+ hour weeks while pregnant to support us.
So, I’ve since quit that job and the situation has gotten better, not all the way, but getting there. Recently, this old coworker texted me seeing how I was doing. He was trying to talk shit on my bf, but I kept steering the convo away and saying he is doing better. I did at one point say “yea it’s jus trying to get him to work 40 hours in a week which is still kinda shitty tho” and my boyfriend say that message. Now, he is wanting to break up saying I disrespected our relationship and talked shit in him. He also has a problem of me talking about our relationship to someone. Am I wrong for talking to that coworker about our relationship? Iget I shouldn’t had said that little blurb, but to break up over this seems extreme? He said he can’t trust me anymore.
Slight clarification: this coworker and me have talked since I quit the job. It’s just the occasional “hey how is life going” kind of thing. This wasn’t an out of the blue text.
NTA. This is controlling behavior. You’re allowed to talk about your life.
In my opinion, you shouldn’t be airing out your relationships dirty laundry to other people. Frankly, I’d be upset if my fiancé ran and told his friends our relationship problems. It’s no one’s business but yours
NTA, steering the conversation and venting a little doesn’t justify losing trust and breaking up.
NAH
Except your boyfriend.
I do advise a LOT of caution when opening up to/becoming friends with coworkers. But that ship has sailed. You’re not coworkers anymore, and your former coworker seems genuinely concerned.
You clearly needed someone to talk to, and they were there to support you (and you for them). Nothing inherently wrong with that.
As to your boyfriend…frankly, he sounds pretty terrible. Leaving his pregnant girlfriend to support him, controlling of your communication, and threatening breakup of your discussion (which sounds accurate). He is demanding respect he hasn’t earned.
He’s the AH in all this.
NTA and I just don’t understand so many women on Reddit putting up with these incompent guys. Is the idea of not being in a relationship really so terrifying?
If I were you, I’d leave this dude and work on myself, and try *decentering* men. Work on developing your friendships and your hobbies and interests. Build a fulfilling life. And then only give a guy your valuable time If he enhances your fulfilling life instead of making it harder.
I know right!!!!!!
oh please.
you carried the financial load while pregnant because this man couldn’t consistently work 40 hours… and he’s clutching his pearls over you saying it out loud? wow. tragic. the horror. someone described reality.
he is embarrassed that other adults can see he wasn’t stepping up.
and now he wants to flip it into a loyalty issue? convenient. very convenient.
if he’s more offended by you venting than by the fact you were overworked and pregnant supporting both of you, then yeah… the breakup threat isn’t about respect.
it’s about his fragile ego getting bruised.
You shouldn’t talk shit about your boyfriend if you don’t want people piling on. I’m sure you were talking about a shity moment, but if it hits the threshold of talking to others , it remains as a constant not a moment in time. We all need someone to talk to about our problems, but it’s a hard balance between getting through the moment and leaving a lasting bad impression. Lightly YTA
I can understand why you confided in your co-workers as it was more or less a “captive audience” situation, but I think you overshared with your co-workers.
All you can do it apologize, and if he can not accept that, then he can hit the road.
I agree with BonnieaBonfire; that is, find someone that matches your drive. A partner should enhance your life, not drag it down.
Esh: your boyfriend for a slew of reasons, you and your former co-worker for oversharing & using each other to gripe. Especially in a way y’all hide from your partners.
An aside, why are you with your boyfriend? Does he actually make your life better? No indication in this post.
I would point out that since you quit that job, this person is no longer your coworker, and so you should think about what your relationship is with that person now. Are they a friend? Acquaintance? Are they just trying to get in your pants?
That aside, if your boyfriend’s reaction to you having said its shitty that he won’t even do 40 hour weeks (I assume from how you phrase it he has the option to do more hours, but doesn’t) is that he wants to break up then frankly i’d agree with him because you don’t need to be with someone who reacts like that. NTA
Okay so your bf made you work 50 hour weeks while pregnant and he STILL isn’t working full time? Girl come on. I think you have bigger things to worry about.
Why were you working 40 hours to support him? You’d be better off single raising your kid. That’s only 2 people you have to worry about.
Bad partners try to keep you from talking about your relationship to anyone else because they don’t want you to realize that how they act isn’t normal and other people wouldn’t accept it.