IM NOT WHITE, IM MIXED…
My DIL is Indian ( this is relevant) and I have never liked Indian food. It is fine but I really don’t go out of my way to eat it.
My son and DIL host dinners sometimes and when I go I grab a plate and just eat a bit. Usually I will grab something on my way home if I am super hungry afterwards.
This has never been an issue before until yesterday. We went over for dinner and she made a green curry. I took some rice and some curry and ate a bit of it. I didn’t take too much. It was very herby and I just didn’t like it.
I went to help clean up and DIL made a comment that I didn’t clear my plate. I just told her I wasn’t very hungry and I thought that was it.
She texted me yesterday about how it was disrespectful to not finish my plate and i am not welcome back until I am willing to finish her food.
I talked to my son and he told me I was being disrespectful and to stop being picky and clear my plate. I told him this is silly that you are trying to force me to eat things I don’t like, like a child. I asked if he would rather me not grab anything and just sit there, he told me no.
He told me I need to apologize and I really don’t want to. I will if I am being rude but I don’t think I am? I am not complaining about the food and even eating it even tho I am not a fan of most of the things she has made.
edit: I have mentioned it politely once that I am not a huge fan of Indian food, I just don’t find it that big of a deal to have dinner oncish a month with food I am not a huge fan of
There has to be so much more to this.
It is literally just this, I am very confused
I don’t know if it is a cultural difference but it is all about me not clearing my plate
I am not complaining about the food, I haven’t made comments about it at all. I just take a little and eat a bit to be polite
NTA
You were being considerate by saying you weren’t hungry. While I understand in some cultures it’s considered “rude” to not finish your plate as a guest, IMO texting you that is overboard and unnecessary. She could’ve kept that to herself.
i didn’t finish my plate in more than one Indian household and no one was ever rude to me…it might be a bit rude to not finish your plate but scolding your guest over that is so so much more rude than that…
Why do they insist upon feeding you food you clearly don’t like? This seems like less of a respect issue and more like some weird bid for control. They don’t seem like very gracious hosts.
I don’t really care about that, their house they get to pick what is for dinner
I would prefer to just go to a restaurant so we all could get something we like but a dinner I don’t like oncish a month isn’t a big deal
clear your plate? are you their kid and is it 90s? it is super disrespectful of them to say that to you. i wouldn’t go there unless they both apologize.
NTA. You were polite, it’s like you stood up and said “wow this sucks, I’m getting a Big Mac on the way home”.
Truth is, the whole “clean your plate” thing is unhealthy. I hope if they have kids, they’re not doing this because forcing kids to eat beyond being full is how childhood obesity starts. It’s healthy to stop eating when your body give you full signal, not to eat for the sake of cleaning your plate.
I realize you weren’t full so it’s not the same but regardless, she was rude, not you.
As an Indian, I will say NTA! You’re an adult and you can choose what you want to eat. You’re polite enough to try what she makes. Indian food isn’t for everyone and there’s nothing personal about it
As a European that loves all foods from everywhere I agree. You shouldn’t force food on anyone.
As an Indian, NTA
NTA. Your DIL sounds like a spoiled child. There is no rule that says adults have to clean their plates. She and your son are out of line.
I would sit down with DIL, apologize for wasting her food, and explain to her a few things about your likes and dislikes.
Let her know you are happy to try a little of anything she makes, but that you did not grow up with the flavor palette that she uses.
Let her know that you want to try the food, but you don’t want her to be offended if you just do not prefer the taste. It’s nothing on her, the dishes are just way different than what you are used to.
Let her know it goes both ways, and you will never be offended if she doesn’t prefer a dish you prepared, so she doesn’t have to pretend, if she currently is doing so.
I think reprimanding adults for not “cleaning their plates” is shockingly rude.