Throwaway because some of them use Reddit.
About six months ago, my entire friend group suddenly cut me (and my boyfriend) off. No one explained why. They just stopped talking to us, stopped inviting us places, and unfollowed/removed us on social media. I was completely blindsided.
I eventually reached out to one girl in the group to ask what was going on. She told me that someone in the group said my boyfriend had told people that she was pregnant and “needed an (baby deletion) to humble her.” He had also told her that I had been badmouthing her at work and making everyone hate her. That is absolutely not something either of us said. I was shocked and confused. First, because it’s awful. Second, because no one came to me directly to ask about it. They just believed it and dropped us.
Apparently, one of the guys in the group (who I thought was my friend) had been recording conversations of me and my boyfriend on his phone. From what I’ve been told, he used those recordings as “proof” that we said these things. I know for a fact those words were never said, at least not by me. I don’t know if things were twisted, taken out of context, or completely fabricated.
I didn’t retaliate. I didn’t post about them or try to turn people against them. I mostly just stepped back and tried to move on, even though it hurt a lot.
Now, six months later, the girl who was supposedly the subject of the rumor has started contacting other mutual friends and telling them not to associate with me. So it feels like it’s still being dragged out behind the scenes. I was told this by my best friend who was there the night the supposed conversation was had, the girl play her this recording and said the voices sound choppy and glitchy, like it was edited together.
Aside from that, I work with a bunch of the people who used to be part of this group. I am technically their superior in the job, just because I’ve been there longer so I have more responsibilities and need to sort them out to my coworkers for extra help when needed. The other problem now is that they are causing issues at work, not telling me what errors are happening, and hanging up on me in calls, altogether making it hard to be productive at work.
At this point, I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to confront them all and demand to hear the recordings. Another part of me feels like if they were so quick to drop me without even asking my side, maybe they were never really my friends.
So AITA for not chasing after them or trying harder to “fix” this?
Any one of them could have reached out, but they didn’t. I’d be more concerned about the way it’s impacting your work. Keep it professional with the people you work with. If they’re not doing their job, report them.
NTA and if it is impacting work you need to deal with it as it will spiral out of control. Depending on the relationship you have with your boss or HR you can ask them for advice. I’m not sure of your exact situation but if you don’t fix this, it will cause more problems for you.
I’d personally contact a lawyer to send cease and desist letters to them both for defamation. Defamation is the legal term for spreading false, harmful statements or rumors that damage a person’s or entity’s reputation. It includes spoken falsehoods (slander) and written or published lies (libel). To be defamatory, the statement must be a false assertion of fact, not an opinion, and cause actual harm. Of which, your professional reputation is starting to be affected.. Possibly contact HR after sending the letters just to let them know what’s going on and maybe talk to the coworkers about keeping personal feelings out of the professional workplace.
Report them to HR and notate everything. Start keeping a journal of them hanging up on you and not doing their jobs. You have every right to protect your work. Do not confront. Notate and speak with HR.
Throughout that whole thing you never said if your bf did actually say those things or not?!
Also if the voice sounds choppy and glitchy sounds like AI couldve been used!
Oh sorry, I was there at the time that these things were supposedly said. He never said that about her.
Did he say that…just not about her?
NTA.
If a whole group can cut you off without asking for your side, they already decided what they wanted to believe. You’re not wrong for not begging for your place back.
The recording thing is especially concerning. Secretly recording you and then allegedly editing or twisting it is not normal friend behavior. That’s calculated. The fact that it sounded choppy and glitchy makes it worse.
And now it’s bleeding into work. That’s where this stops being petty drama and starts being unprofessional. If they’re withholding information, hanging up, or making it hard for you to do your job, document everything. Dates, times, what was said, what was ignored. Keep it factual. If it continues, escalate it formally. This isn’t about friendship anymore, it’s about workplace interference.
You don’t owe anyone a chase. If they wanted clarity, they could have asked six months ago.
At this point, focus on protecting your reputation and your job. Let the social side go. People who wanted to hear you out would have.
NTA but if they are bringing this issue into the workplace than you need to contact your supervisor/HR before they screw a project or something else up. Hopefully it wouldn’t be something vitally important, if so they need to be fired immediately! With AH friends like this you don’t need any enemies that’s for sure.
Nta, how do you know that your boyfriend didn’t say things. I ask not because I believe he did or didn’t, but because I had a friend once whose husband would wait for her and I not to be around and say shitty things to my wife.
I was there in the room at the time that this supposed conversation happened. Unless while I was in the bathroom for two minutes he said this absolutely vile thing he didn’t say it. Plus my friend was there and confirmed that he never said that about her
NTA. If they were real friends they would’ve asked you once instead of going full high school FBI with secret recordings, that alone is weird as hell. Don’t chase them, but absolutely protect yourself at work, document everything and escalate if you have to, because this stopped being “friend drama” the second they started messing with your job, and honestly that’s the part that would make me mad enough to stop being polite.
They were never really your friends. If are their superior at work… stop tolerating behavior like hanging up on you! Report their behaviors to your boss. You can’t work with people like that