AITAH for telling my grandmother idc whether she lives or die ?

When I was around 2 years old, my father passed away from cancer, he was diagnosed shortly after I was born and my grandmother blamed me for it. She believed I was the reason he got sick and I am the badluck in his life. Even when he died she didn’t allow me to attend his last rites.

Growing up she treated me very differently from everyone else. She openly loved my cousins and even my elder sister but not me. She would exclude me, behave rudely, turn people against me , and make it very obvious that I wasn’t wanted . She was even cruel to my mother . Eventually my mom took me to my maternal home so that i could grow up in a less toxic environment.

I basically grew up all alone. My sister at paternal home and mom constantly at work and only. All that rejection, abandonment, isolation affected me very deeply.

Now years later after being in no contact with me , my grandmother fell very sick like literally in her deathbed. She called my crying and apologizing for everything she did and begging me to come see her .But i clearly said to her i dont fucking care whether you live or die. My sister and mother wants me to go and meet her as at the end she is a family and they saying I am being very apathetic towards her. But it’s just years of build up anger.

All of this has taken a toll on my mental health that I’ve started ghosting my friends despite them reaching out to me always. But I dont want to burden them with my problems. Now I feel very guilty about it .

AITA for behaving this way ? How do I make it right?