TLDR – I couldn’t make a weekend away because I couldn’t enter the USA. Should the 5 who attended split the place or should I pay my share?
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My partner and I travelled to Vermont from Toronto to meet 2 other couples for a ski weekend. My ESTA (I’m a brit, they’re all living in nyc as Canadians) didn’t come through so I got stuck in Montreal for 3 nights, alone, had to buy hotels and what not at the last minute and lost my 400$ ski pass… (sympathy please).
In advance of the trip, we’d agreed a 3 bed airbnb that was around 300$ pp for 3 nights. As I couldn’t make the ski trip and couldn’t stay in the airbnb I am of the view that the airbnb should be split 5 ways instead of 6, so all those who stayed pay by 360$ish and I don’t pay, considering I didn’t actually go and didn’t stay.
Whilst I understand my partner’s argument that 1) we agreed a price pp in advance, 2) that each couple still used their room, and 3) that it’s really awkward for her to ask her friends to all pay an extra 60$; I take the view that if I booked a trip with 5 other friends and someone dropped out and couldn’t make it, we wouldn’t ask them to pay still.
All her friends were cool about it and paid an extra 60$, and agreed it was fine, but she’s since spoken to other friends in NYC who say I should still pay my 300$ as I was "committed" to going and we all agreed in advance.
AITA? Is this some weird British vs NA thing?
I am trying to think objectively and for me, asking my mate who was unable to join a holiday to pay 300$ instead of everyone who did actually go splitting it, seems really harsh.
I used the example of a stag (bachelor party) I’m planning – 10 of us all agreed an airbnb and will split it, but if someone dropped out 2 days before we’d all split 9 ways instead of asking someone who couldn’t come to still contribute an equal share.
Thanks gang!
I think you should pay, you are the ones who backed out after the plan was finalized
YTA, no it’s not a British vs USA thing. In Britain we’d still expect you to pay as well.
It wasn’t any fault of the other people going that you couldn’t arrange the correct paperwork in advance
You agreed to pay for it, right? Unless your friends set up a cancellation policy among the group, YTA. Why should everyone else pay for your ESTA not coming through?
It’s not a British v NA thing, I’m British and if you didn’t sort out your ESTA in time, this is entirely on you and you should pay what you had agreed you would.
If you’d been ill or there had been an emergency, maybe not, but you b*llsed up and they shouldn’t have to bear the cost of your mistake.
YTA – people budgeted for the trip based on you going. They could have gotten another place etc
Why would they be the ones to pay for your visa issues?
I mean, it sucks – but it’s your problem.
And your stag party is a different situation. Look at it this way, hopefully everyone shows up and you can pay your way like you said you would
YTA. It’s called a lesson. Sometimes things happen, in your control and out of your control, but you are still responsible for what you committed to. The rest of the group can certainly choose to make up the difference, but they are in no way obligated to.
INFO: For how long had you planned this trip, and when did you apply for the ESTA?
I think for something like this, different groups of friends have different rules. But if this situation was caused by you not submitting your ESTA application in advance, then this would solely be the consequences of your actions.
I think the recommended time rn for ESTA applications is at least 3 days in advance, or a few weeks to be safe. You can apply weeks or months or even a year in advance.
Edit: YTA for applying the day of or the day before. You should’ve applied when you planned the trip.
YTA, when did you file your paperwork?
YTA. Other people shouldn’t pay more because you failed to get your paperwork in order.
YTA
Other people shouldn’t br penalized bc of an issue you encountered.
>I used the example of a stag (bachelor party) I’m planning – 10 of us all agreed an airbnb and will split it, but if someone dropped out 2 days before we’d all split 9 ways instead of asking someone who couldn’t come to still contribute an equal share.
It would be an AH move to drop out 2 days in advance and expect other people to cover your share.
YTA. It isn’t their fault that YOU didn’t have the right paperwork to go into another country. Your piss poor planning is entirely your fault.
Yes, you should pay your part. And I’m sorry but it’s kinda your fault for not getting the ESTA cleared in time. It’s valid for 2 years, and you should apply in advance.
YTA: Imagine if you showed up and they were caught in a storm and couldn’t make it. Would you be fine if everyone said you should pay the whole amount by yourself because they technically didn’t stay there?
You didn’t have your paperwork sorted and you want to pass the cost of your poor management to others.
Also hilarious that you try to turn it into a cultural thing.
YTA. I think it’s a commonly-held assumption that if you’ve already agreed to go, and there’s no time for the group to find cheaper accommodations for 5, you are on the hook for paying.
There is always some nuance—for example if someone got really sick and couldn’t go on top of having new hospital bills, it would be nice of their friends to pay for their share. BUT EVEN THEN, they wouldn’t be expected to pay and it would be reasonable to ask the person who couldn’t make it to still cover their share.
Idk the circumstances surrounding why your papers didn’t come through. If it genuinely was not your fault at all, I think it would be kind for your friends to consider splitting your portion, but they are absolutely not obligated to do so. If you messed up and submitted your paperwork too late, than that’s on you.