So, I (17f) recently moved to another country and then moved house a couple of two fimes with my parents in a period of less than two years. This isn’t the first time I’ve moved, as I’ve lived in almost every state and small town in my former country, which isn’t small, before settling in where I live now.
The problem started when my mother suggested we move house or even city again. This wouldn’t have bothered me initially, but that week I was feeling kind of down because I felt like an ‘outsider’ in this country. So I commented, laughing and not wanting to start a fight or anything like that, that our family could be considered nomadic. My mother got a little defensive, saying that I was complaining about something silly, and that living in so, so many different places was a privilege and so on.
I didn’t want to complain, since in the end I was just going to move out of the house in a bad mood, but I also didn’t want to seem overly excited about the idea of packing all my things, moving to a new school with no friends, in a place where I would never feel at home.
Anyway, I just need an outside opinion on all this so I don’t feel so bad about this in my sleep.
NTA
I don’t think you’re the asshole here, you didn’t seem to try and confront your mother or complain. It depends really on why you move so often.
Oh, well, there’s never a single specific reason for moving out so other than the opportunity for a ‘better life’, a cheaper income or just because why not lol
NTA. But it does have me wonder why you move so much. At your age most kids are looking at going onto higher education and not staying with their parents any longer.
Can’t really apply for universities or courses if youre unsure where youll be.
I don’t really have a specific reason, at least not one that I think is acceptable to publish here. But I’m already thinking about my higher education and working during the summer to still study in the same UNI; I just don’t know if I’ll keep my job if I move to another city.
NTA. I’ve made some assumptions about what your mother THINKS nomadic live is, and why she objects to the term, but they don’t matter, in the end. Your parents are absolutely dragging you around in this unanchored life of theirs, and absolutely nothing says you need to be happy about it.
There’s a difference between whining and complaining, and making a reasonable objection and telling your mother that you do not enjoy this lifestyle. Why does your family move around so much anyway? Is there no family or close friends you could settle with for a bit to have some stability in your life?
What ever the now is, and admittedly, you will only have as much control there as you wrest away, it’s going to be more important to figure out your future. If you’ve identified this life isn’t for you, it’s time to start thinking about what life would be for you, and how you can make that happen.
NTA. That is actually a nomadic life and interesting that she used the word privileged. It might be great and feel privileged for her to move around a lot and experience different cultures but not for a child/ young adult who needs stability. I imagine that it would be very difficult trying to make friends in school and then having to move and do it all again and the same in every neighbourhood that you live. I’m sorry but I think as parents you need to think, understand and empathise with the needs of your children rather than entirely live the life that you want.
Yess, it sucks so much to make conections if you know that friendshipp is not gonna be longer than one years. I realy don’t try anymore, just going to school at this point. But I also can’t be mad with my mom, because this ‘new experience’ will in fact be good to my future career and education, y’know?
NTA- but it sounds like it is hard to genuinely express your feelings about the moves, and it does suck to move between the ages of 13 and 18, because you lose your social group, and it’s harder to make friends. One of my parents was in the military, and we had to move frequently when I was a kid. I loved it. When I was a teenager, it was the worst. One of the tricks my parent used was not sending me to class in the first week of school, so I would not get lost in the shuffle of all the kids seeing each other for the first time after summer. My other parent also made it easier by being involved with the school and volunteering in the community, and her connection with other parents helped me meet new friends.
Anyway, there are a lot of reasons to be bummed out by frequent moving, and I think you probably made the nomadic comment because it is hard on you, and you can’t say the real think to your parents, and you probably think if you did it wouldn’t make a difference, so you made this little joke or comment as the only way you feel you can express yourself.
If that is true, I would encourage you to think about what the hardest things about moving again are, and just go to your parents, tell them, and ask if there is a way or if they have ideas about what could make it easier.
OMG, you catch the whole feeling with this one! It is, in fact, a horror to make friends, especially if most people in this are rude to imigrants. Like, in my old country it was less hard, because they speak like me, lived like me, but now it just sucks.
I think that whats bores me the most now, I don’t have real friends Im years, but also te fact that everybody got a hometown, a place to come back, and I don’t have nothing more than my familly to call home.
But I don’t think my parents would caree this much, right now, I mean, I am 17, almost 18 to be sad about moving out.
NTA.. but remember It’s the family that makes you anchored not not the town you live. Many industries/lifestyles make families nomadic. If you have a strong family unit That’s what makes you stable. However as a teenager OP doesn’t have to like it. Your mom was probably just sensitive at the time. But you are becoming adult and you can have an opinion. And I’m sure you meant it as an observation but mom may have taken it as an insult.
NTA. I moved around a lot growing up, and not as much as you either. I’m still dealing with the fallout of that childhood as an adult. Not to say you will at all, but just take care of yourself emotionally, your feelings are valid.
NTA. It sucks to be at the whim of your parents decisions especially when it’s about where you live. I moved several times in years around yours now.
It’s not as simple as changing place. Often schools are different, I ended up missing chunks of my education because every teacher teaches the curriculum in a different order.
And as for making friends you know won’t last, it’s really isolating.
The thing is, you get to feel how YOU feel. Moving because you want to as an adult is entirely different than being taken by your parents.
Your mother’s reaction feels like an overreaction
NTA. Your mom has wanderlust and makes everyone else wander with her. My husband’s uncle was in the US Army. He moved around constantly with his family. He stayed in for life, so the nomadic life never stopped. One by one, his kids grew up, moved away, and settled elsewhere. They weren’t attached to him, their mother, or where their parents finally settled when their uncle got his 20 years in. They are scattered all over the country, living their best lives where they wanted to settle. He rarely sees any of them.
When he was younger, he would come to the home grounds to visit. He was always amazed how none of his sister’s sons moved very far away from their parents. All her kids put down roots where they felt comfortable. He seemed to be amazed and jealous.
Basically, right now, you are at your mom’s mercy, constantly wanting to wander. She would probably do well with the “van life”. Once you are an adult, she has no power or control over you. Find where you want to be and go there. Settle down and make the roots you desire. She’ll gripe but won’t be able to do anything about it. Blood doesn’t make family, it makes relatives. Find your family.
What does your parents do for a living?