Hey friends, got a small one for you.
My friend just deleted his Facebook account, per his girlfriend he is going through a bad time right now. I’ve since checked in with him to make sure he is safe, which he is, though I didn’t press for any details on what he is dealing with. We’ve chatted about stuff he’s been going through in the past, and I know he’ll reach out to me if needed.
However, he wants to talk to me via text message on the phone. We send memes and jokes and talk nerd stuff to each other all the time, but I have yet to respond to his message. I’m thinking about whether I want to set a boundary of sorts.
I dislike texting except for family and business, primarily down to preference but part of it is being agitated by either the constant notifications on my phone, or having to check it periodically with the absence of those notifications. I like using messenger on Facebook since I can also use it when I’m on my computer, which is a lot of the time. More time than I am on my phone, specifically.
I would be more flexible in this regard for his sake if he hadn’t deleted his Facebook profile a few times before in prior years, then hopped back online after a few weeks. I’ve been accommodating before, but this time I am more annoyed by it, and being expected to change my communication method because of it.
Not only this, he has options besides going full scorched earth if he wants to be done with Facebook specifically. I mostly use Facebook for messenger, rarely actually going on the website proper, and if there is anyone I don’t want to talk to I can block them. I know he can do the same.
The other major reason that I am wanting this is because we are in multiple group chats together for planning activities and hangouts, one of which is a group I use for D&D. I’m the DM of our group, and thus I use the group chat to message everyone at once. With him not there, I then have to reach out to him individually, which in a vacuum I have no problem with, but as stated above I don’t feel that he had to leave in the first place.
It just feels frustrating for me to have to change a preference in my life when he had (at least in my eyes) reasonable alternatives to disconnect, plus the fact he has done this before. I’m going to be hanging out with him and some other friends tomorrow, and I am considering telling him that I am not going to respond to his messages unless he gets back on messenger. I don’t plan to do this with the group, just 1 on 1. I am still perfectly okay hanging out with him and having fun otherwise.
On the other hand, this is a 100% personal peeve that I have with the situation, and I would like a second opinion on whether it sounds reasonable. So please, let me know what you guys think!
Yeah, YTA. You seem to care more about your own convenience than your friend’s wellbeing.
You aren’t friends if your convenience trumps your caring about his well being. yTA
YTA having to text him instead of using messenger is not the big deal you’re making it out to be
YTA and you know it.
YTA. Apparently he thinks you’re closer than you actually are, because if you cared about him, you’d support him during a tough time.
Lots of people take periodic breaks from social media.
YWBTA
Messenger has a ton of data tracking. Maybe the friend doesn’t want the garbage.
YTA – “he has options besides going full scorched earth” – so do you.
YTA in the biggest way possible.
YTA, I’d implore you to move to a messaging system that does not track you and keep all of your metadata. Matrix is a good solution with a lot of promising development behind it. Facebook messenger is not an appropriate communication channel.
If he is really your friend I’d hope you would understand his desire to not be locked into to a proprietary communications channel.
YTA, social media is overwhelming him right now (just like many people!) – text your friend.
if you really want a group chat…maybe WhatsApp?
YTA. You’re no friend of his if you think setting this boundary is a good idea
YTA cause wtf?
YTA. Meta is a horrible company and a lot of people are dumping it completely. They are also using your stuff to train their AI and selling all that to other AI companies. It’s right your friend wants to be done with them. It’s a text ffs. Get over yourself
YTA. None of your reasoning makes sense. People text and that’s just something you have to deal with. Demanding that someone can only contact you through one extremely specific social media app is ridiculous.