I am male 20 years old still living with my parents. Every move I make is scrutinized and every time I show any for of independence or even character (like wanting to change my hair or my body) they have a problem with it. I came home one day with painted nails and my mom stopped me from walking in further into the house, forcing me to remove it before my dad saw. I can’t get tattoos, I can’t sing loud or anything… hell I can’t even use the blender because they don’t wake up till like 10am. I feel extremely shut in and watched and tired of being so fucking isolated and not allowed to explore things like dying my hair or trying new things. Dawg I can’t even get piercings.
So would I be wrong by dying my hair and just showing up back home or FaceTiming them? I don’t want to dye my hair completely… just a few strands.
I want to feel comfortable and confident and I’ve been waiting till I save up enough money to buy an apartment… but the dread of having to wait to even have a little bit of fun is killing me.
So… help.
Move out
Seems like it would be a bad decision, you already know they won’t respond well and probably won’t let you inside.
At least move out first. Be smarter.
YTA
NTA, they sound controlling and annoying. However it also sounds like they are supporting your life style right now. I wouldn’t rock the boat too much unless you have a plan on how to survive on your own.
NTA you’re an adult — but I suggest moving out.
If you mom wouldnt let you walk into the house with painted nails, what makes you think dying your hair will go over well? I am not trying to be mean but the only option you have is to move out if you dont want to be scrutinized.
What happens if they kick you out?
YTA-you need to move out.
NTA but you live at home so there’s not much you can do about it unless you want to keep having issues at home or risk being kicked out. Having dyed hair isn’t worth the risk of being homeless. Save up, move out, and live your life how you want to live it. Instead of spending money to dye your hair, save it to move out. It’s an investment to complete freedom to dye your hair, get piercing, tattoos etc. Spending money to do those things now while creating issues at home isn’t the smart move. Trust me I would know my parents were next level strict.
If you’re not working and they’re paying your way or letting you stay for free, it’d be *very* unwise to potentially get yourself kicked out.
Move out first and *then* do whatever you want—it’s just not a good idea currently.
YTA — but not for wanting to dye your hair. You’re 20. You’re allowed to want autonomy.
Where you would be the problem is if you’re deliberately doing this as a “gotcha” moment just to provoke a reaction. You already know how they respond. Showing up or FaceTiming them with dyed strands purely to test them isn’t self-expression, it’s escalation. And you know that.
You’re living in their house. That comes with restrictions you don’t like. It doesn’t make them right, but it does mean you have two real options:
1. Accept the trade-off (free/cheap housing = their rules) and keep your head down while you save.
2. Move out and live fully on your terms.
What won’t work is trying to force independence while still financially dependent on them. That just turns into daily immature power struggles.
If your goal is confidence and peace, focus your energy on accelerating your exit plan. Extra shifts. Side work. Roommates. Concrete timeline.
If your goal is to spark a fight because you’re fed up, then yeah, dye the strands and brace for impact. But don’t pretend it’s about “just a few strands.” You know exactly what reaction it’ll cause.
NTA. But like…if you can’t afford to move out, you GOTTA pick your battles. Your parents (depending on where you live) have complete authority to kick you out of their home and then you’ll have to figure that out before you’re ready. I know it sucks and your parents are absolutely in the wrong. But your efforts are better suited to getting OUT of their house asap.
Sounds like it’s time to move out.
YTA to yourself, bc why would you knowingly put yourself in a situation where they’d likely kick you out?? Get a job (if you don’t have one), find a roommate & move out. They’re assholes for trying to control decisions you make regarding your body. Do better for yourself
YTA to yourself
You know what they are like. Take the money you’d spend on all this and put it towards moving out as soon as possible. Then you can do whatever you lik.