Literally the title. I (18F) don’t even know why this is an issue. I have been growing out my hair and trying cute hairstyles to experiment with my look, and wanted these cute hairclips from amazon to put in my hair. Nothing crazy, just a $5 set of tiny fingerpad-sized claw clips to clip my bangs and etc. I was going to buy them with gift money my grandma gave me for Chinese New Year, but my parents have amazon prime and get angry if I order things without consulting them and allowing them to question me about non-harmful things such as a refill of my face moisturizer.
I have had such a stressful week and honestly just wanted to treat myself to something nice, so I go to ask my mom for the clips. Right off the bat she starts screaming at me about how I “already have so many hair accessories” (random hair accessories she buys me from the target sale section that I never wear that are pretty damn ugly) and that she doesn’t trust the 200+ reviews on the product. She screams at me to go to CVS and instead buy from there, but I tell her that I already checked the brand that CVS has and the reviews stink. I ask her why she doesn’t trust hundreds of reviews on an online product but trusts walking in to a store and purchasing a product with no idea how it performs. She ignores me and screams about how wasteful I am, how I need to leave her alone, how I need to stop arguing with her, etc. I don’t really know what I did wrong because she started screaming immediately. Also, I am literally a legal adult trying to buy $4 hair clips and I don’t really know why that’s an issue.
So I buy them myself (with my own money ofc), and when the package arrives my mom just blows up. I get the same speech about my wastefulness and how wrong I was to go behind her back, but I just told her if she let me spend my own gift money this wouldn’t have been an issue. Also, I don’t really know why this purchase was a big deal because she orders so many random things off amazon such as RGB light up stud earrings that she wears once and breaks because she doesn’t read bad product reviews before buying lol.
Was I wrong? I guess the only offense was going behind her back despite her saying no but I feel her reasons for saying no were flawed anyhow. My clips are very cute by the way I am wearing them as I type this and have been wearing them for the past week.
~~INFO~~: Did you pay for it with your own money?
EDIT: NTA.
You’re 18 and you paid for it with your own money. Whatever problem your mom has is irrelevant. Also, why should you need permission to buy something with your own money?
Yes!
Then NTA. You’re 18 and you spent your own money. The fact you need permission to get hair clips in the first place is weird
NTA. I recommend renting the smallest PO Box (or having items delivered to a locker) then getting your own online accounts to purchase items for yourself. You might even be able to use a pre-paid card from a gas station. As a person who had controlling parents (but not THIS controlling… yours are extreme), the sooner you can get some independence, the fewer issues you will have later. You should not have to consult anyone about some dumb things like why you trust reviews, where you spend $4, etc.
This. I remember when I just decided to get a po box to revert all my mail there (my mom is a snooper) and sent most packages to pick up at ups/fedex/amazon locker.
NTA, you’re an adult and paid with your own money. She can have her opinions, but she’s majorly overreacting here.
I don’t understand why you even asked her in the first place over a $5 purchase when you had the money.
She hoped to use the family Amazon Prime, so she wouldn’t have to pay shipping.
NTA: you are an adult and used your own money. My 8 year old determines how his chore allowance is spent after 20% goes into his savings account. We might advise “remember vacation is 2 months away and you might want extra $” or “that’s not a good deal” but ultimately his decision.
Get your own Amazon account. Also, when you’re mom raises her voice, you get up and leave the room. Boundaries
I don’t understand why you asked her if you could buy the hair clips in the first place. Since you first mentioned buying them with gift money, then said you bought them with your own money, does your mother have control over your gift money?
How did you spend your own money on your mother’s account?
I’m not the OP but my guess would be that she means that she would use the account to buy it and give her mother the money – that’s how I’ve done it with similar accounts online with my sister etc.
I think on some sites you can also save a couple of different payment cards so maybe she does it that way? That being said I wouldn’t put it past the mother to do something like this if what OP says is true – she sounds highly controlling!
The problem is much deeper than some $4 hair clips. You’ve transitioned into adulthood, and these parents want to maintain control like you’re still a child. You’re going to have to learn to navigate this with them as well as how to stand your ground when you need to. Otherwise, this will never change.
NTA, but I’m going to assume your mom wasn’t literally screaming at you for this entire exchange. I say this as a HS teacher who have heard way too many of my students describe other people “screaming” at them when they’re just responding in anger. Not saying your mom isn’t in the wrong here, but adjectives matter. I don’t know if it’s a Gen Z/Alpha thing, but someone being angry when they shouldn’t be to someone literally screaming is a different thing. If your mother can’t have a simple conversation without screaming herself hoarse then she needs to be in a mental health facility.