I came into work this morning and my colleague, with who I share an office, was grumpy. It’s not that unusual for her and I’m not that close to her, so I don’t really ask her anything most of the time. For context, I’m a 30 YO head nurse and she’s a 55 YO secretary. Later in the morning, I came back to my office, but the door was closed (it’s usually open). So I opened it and found my colleague crying quite intensely… As she’s not my patient or my friend, I was a bit awkward and didn’t really know what to do. I got out of the office and found a colleague who she’s closer to and is formed to deal with that kind of thing by our employer, so I asked him to go see her. I was left out of my office for like 30 minutes and when they opened the door, I got back to my desk and didn’t say anything to her, as she was drying her tears. I talked to her a bit in the day, but not much and she made calls that made me think her bf left her… like she wanted to talk about it while being mysterious about it… anyway, I felt a little bit guilty about not taking time to hear her, because as a nurse, we are supposed to always want to help other people, but in this case, I didn’t feel comfortable to do that with her and being authentic… because most of the time, she annoys me (she has a lot of health problems and complaints about it all the time and our boss is being very accommodating about it too) and she’s not really good at her job, so I have to pick up a lot of her work too… So, am I an asshole in this situation?
YTA
Why didn’t you act like a human and say, Are you ok?
NTA. You got her someone that would be able to emotionally support and assist her.
NTA. You can’t be everything to everyone. You did find her help.
NTA should have checked in with her but nothing wrong with grabbing someone else. It’s definitely more human to reach out but you’re not required to be that person, at least you didn’t just leave her in there without doing anything
It’s not your responsibility to console your non friend coworker. I’ve always struggled with too much empathy and taking on everyone else’s problems but it is exhausting and draining. You don’t have to be mean or blow anyone off but it doesn’t make you an AH for not wanting to be drawn into other people’s problems.
NTA, I completely understand your situation. If she was your best friend or a closer friend, the situation would be different and especially seeing how you mentioned that she annoyed you often, it can be difficult to relate empathy/sympathy to her. Finding someone who was closer to her is the best thing you could have done for her.
I personally don’t like people I’m not close with asking me questions about why I’m crying to upset because I find it’s none of their business.
You did the right thing.
NTA, getting someone closer to her was the right choice
NAH but the unsympathetic tone of your post gives one pause.
For real, especially as a head nurse.
A lot of them are sociopaths quietly inflicting pain.
NTA. The fact you got a coworker and allowed her to boot you from your shared office despite disliking her, proves you have more compassion than you’re giving yourself credit for. She sounds immature, exhausting and unprofessional.
NTA. You do not have that type of relationship with her, nor do you want it. You found someone to help and kept everything professional. She kinda set you up to deal with her problems as you share an office and she knew you would be coming in to work. I would have noped out of that drama in a heartbeat. Work is hard enough without having to manage a coworkers emotional lability. You did not ignore her or disparage her, you did a kind thing by getting someone who knew her to provide her support.
I’m going with semi YTA on this one. You may not enjoy her company or the way she does her job, but she’s a human being in distress. You did inform someone she’s closer to that she’s upset, which is great, but you might have simply said, “Hey, would you like me to go find \[colleague\]?” Or “I can see you’re really upset. I’m going to go find \[colleague\].” SOMETHING. Ignoring someone you know who’s obviously that upset is simply unkind.
Also, what does it mean that the colleague “is formed to deal with that kind of thing by our employer”? Whatever if means, by saying “that kind of thing,” you sound like you’re looking at this very impersonally. Like a diagnosis you’re not familiar with. A tiny bit of human connection, maybe even especially from someone you’re not very close to, can make a big difference.
I’d say maybe you’re not comfortable with sensitive interactions, but you say you would have reacted differently if she had been a patient or friend, so avoiding her was a choice. That you found someone to talk to her is what’s keeping you from completely being TA.
NTA.
For context, I was once your coworker lol.
My close friend had passed away, but staying home didn’t feel necessary and I wanted to work (as a p/t admin assistant, no one would have been at risk by me being somewhat distracted) so I could think about something else for a couple of hours.
I was in my office and a song came on that hit waaaaaay too hard. I closed my office door cause I couldn’t stop the flood.
Welp, the copy machine was in my office and of course, someone needed it. He and I got along well, but not like friends friends, just friendly coworkers. He opened the door, I looked up at him, and he immediately just went “uh, sorry?” and left.
Honestly, it would have been weirder for him to stay and ask questions. I like him as a person, but it would have felt awkward to confide in him, that just wasn’t our relationship. I never felt like he was TA, I fully agreed with his decision to just nope right out of there.
ETA- I did talk to him later to apologize for putting him in a weird spot. He was just glad my face was dry and he was off the hook lol