My (23 nb) fiancé (29 f) and I are getting married in May. We wanted to keep a short list because we really wanted to just be with people that matter to us, we didn’t want strangers in our wedding plus weddings are expensive and we wanted to keep the cost down.
My brother (20 m) invited her best friend (20 f) before we could decide if we wanted her there. She’s being friends with him for over a decade but we don’t really have anything in common with her.
When we told him she wasn’t invited he didn’t take it too badly, he understood it was a small wedding and we even offer that she could come after lunch, to dance and have a few drinks.
Then, yesterday he resended me a message I sent on the family group chat asking my cousin to please remind her boyfriend of 2 years to tell us if he would come. This really upset my brother. Partly because he thought I lied to him about it being about money, partly because he felt that his best friend was closer to us than my cousin’s boyfriend (who is actually close to us in age and we’ve had a couple double dates and had a lot of fun with him.
Anyway, he is now not responding to my messages, he just texted me angrily about how I’ve known her best friend for longer than my cousin’s bf. (Again, HIS best friend, not mine) and he stated that "she practically lives at our parent’s house" referencing when they come and just lock themselves in a room to watch movies. Not to spend time as a family. He then said that he felt like he was annoying me and was starting to be fed up with all this wedding stuff. I answer and tried to reassure him that he would never be a burden for me, that I love him and wanted him to be happy too in my happy day. It’s been 48 hours and he’s just ignoring me.
I understand it’s frustrating for him but I feel like after all is my wedding and I should be able to decide who comes.
Idk if this makes me an asshole but I see my cousin’s bf more as family than I see his best friend.
Am I an asshole for not inviting her to the wedding?
Ps: sorry, if there are mistakes in the text, English is not my first language.
NTA. Your brother sounds like he needs to grow up. It’s YOUR wedding!
PS – your Enlish is fantastic, don’t ever apologize for knowing more than one language. 🌻
NTA…YOUR wedding invitation list is none of HIS business. He acting very immature.
NTA Your brother will just have to understand that your wedding is about you and your friends and family and not about providing an event space for his friend hang outs.
That’s literally what it feels like he wants, I’m glad I could get my message across. I just kind feel like without his friend my wedding wouldn’t be good enough or fun enough for him and that makes me honestly sad
Are you sure she’s not his girlfriend?
100%. He’s gay and tells me all about his sexual adventures, I think I would know. They have a very platonic relationship
Then no, NTA.
Maybe gently remind him that partners are different to friends, even best friends. And while he has a close connection to her – you don’t.
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NTA it’s your wedding, invite who you want. If you’re close with your cousin and her bf, then invite him.
Youre saying it’s about being close with your guests but you met your cousins gf like twice? If it’s an age thing, well you’re closer in age to your brothers friend than you are to your own fiancé so you’re reasoning is not making sense. Honestly I’m just getting a sense that you want your brothers full company at the wedding rather than him depending on the company of his best friend. It’s your wedding, your rules, but I’m leaning towards YTA for lobbing all of these excuses at your brother but not being truly upfront.
I haven’t met him only twice, he’s come to a lot of family dinners and apart from that we’ve gone on double dates a couple times (what I mentioned in the post) with this I don’t want to sound defensive or anything, just wanted to clarify. Thanks for you opinion!
You dont need to invite his best friend specifically but why can’t he get a plus one too bring whomever he wants as his date for the wedding.
That’s a good point as I mentioned in other responses plus ones aren’t really normal in my country but even not taking that in account, her bff is still invited to the party after the lunch. I swear this makes much more sense in Spain I’m sorry if I’m not being clear. Thanks for chiming in