I 27F was on a work trip last Tuesday through Friday. I went on the work trip via bus, and the drive back was around 9 hours, so I came to the pick up point around 6pm. My dad (62M) agreed to come pick me up in my car, and I drove us back to my sister’s place where he left my mother (56F) to pick her up. By the time we were going home it was around 8,30pm and I was really tired. I was begging my mom if we could please go because I was so tired and just wanted to shower and go to sleep.
So I do end up rounding my parents and getting them to my car, and since I have a newish car the seat belt alarms go off even if you sit in the backseat and don’t put them on. And my mom rushed to the car to get to it before my father so she could sit in the front. My father set in the back and I assumed he would put the seat belt on by the time we got on the road, and the seat belt alarm would stop blasting through the car.
Then, he refused to put the seat belt on. I slowed the car down, and turned the hazards on, and turned around and told him to please just put the seat belt on or just to plug it in behind himself so it would stop going off. He told me the alarm would stop in two minutes, I said, no this is my car, I would assume I know when the alarm would stop (it would not). He said he’s not going to put the seat belt on and if I don’t start driving that he’s gonna leave the car. I can’t remember if I exactly told him to then leave the car or not, but I admit I could’ve said that in the heat of the moment.
So he left and said he’s gonna walk home, I stopped next to him and asked him if he’s serious and to get back in the car and he swore at me and refused. I drove the whole way back home (around 10kms) sobbing. Around 15 minutes after I came home my brother in law drove my father back home bcs he picked him up off the side of the road.
I haven’t spoken much to my father since then, today I decided I would have tea with my parents in the living room and was telling my mom about something that happened at work and my dad cut into our conversation saying "Well if you treat your coworkers the same way you treat your father, and by that I mean you kick them out of your car…" And I was like "..You left the car, I didn’t kick you out."
And then my parents proceeded to try and convince me that I told my father to put the seat belt on or leave the car. When I said I would never do such a thing (which I still believe I did not give him such an ultimatum) my father told me that I have "Deeply disappointed him" and that he wasn’t crying but "there were tears streaming down his face". He also said that he wanted to yell at me and tell me many more things that he believes are my failings, but he cooled off so he won’t tell me all that.
I am currently left in shock and disbelief, I don’t believe I would ever genuinely kick my father out of my car. I don’t know if there is actually a possibility I am remembering things wrong or they are gaslighting me.
So…aita?
So your dad is irresponsible and reckless, decided to be an asshole about that, and now your parents are trying to gaslight you into believing YOU were the asshole?
NTA, and never give either of them a car ride again.
No other comments are necessary after this one.
Modern cars absolutely do not stop yelling at you to put a seatbelt on. If i was tired and had a crotchety old man in the back while listening to the constant blaring of a warning alarm, I’d have asked him to walk home too.
Something tells me your father is like this a lot of the time (people like this don’t suddenly gain this personality trait out of nowhere) and that this is an issue of picking your battles: you can’t argue with stupid, the stubborn, or bullies; and I think your dad is a stubborn bully.
What happened was you all just argued back and forth and ended up in a shitty situation, and there are no winners here. The specifics don’t even matter — everyone ended up enraged and your father probably felt vindicated by it.
So you’re NTA, but to avoid the argument after he refused to put his seat belt on, you should have just gritted your teeth and ignored the seat belt noise, driven them where they were going, and then made a plan not to drive them anywhere again (since they can’t respect safety regulations or your requests).
I don’t know where you guys live, but in my country it is literally illegal to drive if anyone in the car is not wearing their seatbelt. The driver will get fined for it. Because it’s not just a personal choice, they are risking everyone’s lives if a crash occurs. Depending on the laws where OP is you could literally be telling them to break the law.
NTA
Dad is an immature narcassist aeehole
He can handle his own rides then
I had a classmate go through the windowshield of his friend’s car from the back seat, and he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt at the time. He died as a result, and apparently it took a great deal of work to make him viewable for the funeral. It amazes me that people still are resistant to wearing something that saves so many lives.
NTA.
And you become the airbags for the people in the back seat who don’t use their seat belts.
Anyone not secured with a seatbelt becomes a dangerous projectile in an accident. NTA but next time don’t back out until everyone is buckled up. Up to you whether you ever want to give your parents a ride again.
NTA. that’s wild. sometimes it’s better to leave people to live in their own warped reality.
NTA – My father would have stopped the car until everyone was belted up, and we didn’t even have seat belt alarms back then. (My kid sister went through a phase of saying it ‘wasn’t comfy.’) My husband used to insist on his mother putting on the seat belt whenever he was driving. Back seat or front seat.
Why are you crying all the way home??? NTA. Let the grown up baby man walk home. You don’t need the expensive ticket for him not being in his seat belt. Never let a manipulator see you cry. He was being manipulative.
NTA
Don’t stress about whether or not you kicked him out of the car. You are not the AH either way.
Your dad was having a hissy fit and acting like a child. Unless you live in New Hampshire, it is illegal not to wear a seatbelt, front or back seat.
He showed that he didn’t care about his own safety, let alone whether he was setting you up for a fine and marks against your driving record.
He is simply an inconsiderate AH and so is anyone who thinks what he did is okay.
The driver is responsible for the safety of their passengers and the seatbelts should always be used or the passenger walks . .. THAT is an important rule . .