I live in an upstairs apartment with my wife, we have lived here for roughly 3 years. Since the end of January, our downstairs neighbor, who moved in last fall, has been repeatedly making noise complaints to our apartment management. She complained to the management 3 times, and confronted us personally once.
The management relayed the complaint as; “stomping around at night that is upsetting (neighbor’s) autistic daughter.” I work remotely and work at night. My hours can range from 9pm-5am, but usually I’m finished by 3am. I am usually at my desk unless I am getting up to use the bathroom or make food.
After the first complaint, we tried to resolve it by keeping food and necessities in my office so I don’t have to get up at night, but they complained about us less than a week later, even with this work around. After the third complaint, I left a note on her door asking to please come to us rather than going to management, because we don’t know what the problem is since we only hear it 2nd hand from them. I also explained I work nights and cannot change my work hours. They left us alone for about 2 weeks until yesterday.
I received a response note on my door, again yelling at me that I was stomping around and keeping her up all night the night prior. One of the things on the letter also complained about "hearing pets running around". We do have three cats, but I don’t really know how I’m expected to force my cats to not run around? They also are not very active at night, usually just sleeping in my office with me. She threatened in the letter that this was my only warning, and she would be calling management again. (Also it feels important to note, the autistic daughter we were supposedly upsetting was not mentioned in this letter, now the complaint was that I was personally keeping the mother from sleeping.) The letter was very rude, saying "this amount of noise is NOT NORMAL!!" and that she needs to be "awake at 6am sharp!" (formatted just like I typed it here.)
My wife has attempted to talk to her in person after every complaint, and every time she ignores us. We know that the neighbor is home, as the times my wife has tried to confront her is after work hours, and we can see lights in their windows. So we know she is purposely ignoring us. She also never responded to my first note until it was time to complain again.
We are at our wits end, because we don’t know what stomping she is talking about, and she refuses to work it out with us. Resorting only to complaints to management, we tried to communicate through letters, and the only letter we received is threatening another management report.
I have done everything I can to reduce noise. At this point it feels like she wants me to be chained to my desk and not get up at all the entire night, or to completely flip my work schedule to day shifts, because the only times she has not complained has been when I am not working/not at home.
AITA? Am I being entitled, or is she?
Honestly she shouldn’t be in that apartment. I’ve had a similar situation with a super noise sensitive neighbor. Weight shifting on a squeaky floorboard while standing ironing my clothes set her off. It only resolves by one of the two parties leaving.
I’d get a decibel* monitoring tool and submit to management.
This neighbor seems insane.
*decibel
The decimal monitor would make a point.
NTA…You have the same entitlement to reasonable enjoyment of your home that they have. Start documenting every note and complaint. Tell your building management that they have crossed the line into harassment.
NTA. This is an unfortunate part of apartment living. I made noise complaints as a tenant because the family below us had a teenager who was playing the drums after 11PM, which is not at all the same as just walking around.
If her daughter is so sensitive to noise, she needs to factor that into her apartment hunting.
NTA. Stop responding. Based on what you shared, it doesn’t seem like management has an issue. She’s just an annoying neighbor with unrealistic expectations. There’s nothing you can do to fix this. Just keep living your life and try not to worry about your rude neighbor. If it’s really an issue management, will be sure to tell you!
NTA. Your neighbor has unrealistic expectations about living in an apartment building. They are not going to have total silence.
This is an annoying repost
NTA. It sounds like this woman is new to apartment living. When living in an apartment, a certain amount of noise is expected and unavoidable. She also has made it clear that she doesn’t want to speak to you about this in person so stop trying to talk to her.
Assuming you have done everything within your power to mitigate the noise, it is time to contact management yourself and let them know you are being repeatedly harassed by a neighbor. Tell them what you have done to reduce noise and ask them for their recommendations. You shouldn’t be trapped in your office afraid to go to the bathroom because you have poor insulation in your building and a cranky neighbor. You also pay rent and are entitled to the use of your space. Perhaps management has options for insulation. Perhaps they can move this woman to a vacant apartment so she can complain about someone else. Perhaps they can recommend she use a white noise machine.
Rugs help if you don’t have one in your office already.
A) do you have rugs, b) do you wear socks and slippers, 3) do you have an extra heavy footstep? If the answer to the first question is yes and the others are No, then there is literally nothing more you can do.
You need to go talk to management yourself and complain about her constant harassment. Obviously you aren’t “stomping”, and anything she’s hearing is the normal noises of living in an apartment. Ask for their help in ending the ridiculous harassment.
I think OP should be asking why there weren’t any complaints for the first months the downstairs tenant was in residence. It doesn’t seem like OP has changed their behavior so why the gap? OP should bring this up with management. OP has been there much longer than the downstairs tenants and should have priority.
I would inform the management that you have lived there for the past 2.5 years without complaings being lodged and now suddenly since this particular tenant moved in – you are suddenly a noise making problem. Perhaps management can find them a vacancy on the first floor preferably far away from you.