I (19F now, 18 at the time) met a man (32M) almost a year ago at an afterparty club.
We talked because one of his female friends wasn’t feeling well and I helped her. We danced, sang and drank a bit. When we left the club, it was already morning. He asked me to stay with his friends and I said yes.
We didn’t see each other much at the beginning. The second time we met he gave me his number and said he would call, but he never really did. Most of the time I saw him again by coincidence.
Over time we kept seeing each other sometimes.
He thought it was casual. For me it wasn’t.
I slowly caught feelings and he was my first time….. almost Everything
About 4–5 months later I got pregnant by him.
Only after that I found out he had a girlfriend.
Not for a short time but almost a decade.
He never told me. I found out later and even saw them together.
I felt disgusting and guilty because I never wanted to be “the other woman”
If I had known, I would never have been with him.
When I confronted him he said their relationship had difficult phases and he needed “distraction”
That hurt me a lot.
I stayed at his place for a few days while pregnant.
His bathroom was destroyed (broken mirror and sink).
I WAS SHOOKED…. Might Sound dramtic but it was not something that u coul fix quickly!
One of his female friends asked him on the phone:
“What about the girl who is pregnant by you?”
He avoided it and said he had to figure things out.
After that she insulted me and called me an attention seeker and a slut MIND U SHE IS 30 AMD A WOMEN HELLLLOO
What hurts is that people judged me first even though he is older and hid his girlfriend.
We kept seeing each other on and off.
Sometimes we didn’t talk for weeks, sometimes we spent whole days together.
Sometimes we met in clubs and danced secretly.
We never went to each other’s events. It was an unspoken rule.
I blocked him once.
Two days later I saw him again and we spent day and night together.
He noticed I blocked him and told me to unblock him.
I don’t want him to leave his girlfriend.
I know they have history.
I don’t think “why doesn’t he choose me”
What destroys me is that I still have feelings even though I know this is wrong.
I feel like a bad person.
My self respect feels gone.
My morals feel gone.
And I feel horrible for his girlfriend.
I think I can only do this because I don’t really know her.
My brain switches everything off in the moment so I don’t feel how wrong it is.
I know people will say “just leave”
But emotionally I can’t.
AITA for not being able to walk away from someone I know I should not be involved with?
Stop chasing men who shouldn’t be dating you. Stop dating men who are partnered. Stop acting like you don’t have any agency in getting over your feelings. YTA and you’re also being taken advantage of.
What HistoricalQuail said. And for God’s sake, get some counseling.
You are a real human, not a stupid romance novel character. It isn’t love; you’re addicted to the drama of this stupid illicit affair. You \*knew\* you were making poor choices right from the moment you met him, and yet you continued to repeat them over and over because it’s the emotional tumult and chaos you’re seeking rather than an actual relationship.
Time to put on your Big Girl panties and GROW UP. Dump the AH, tell his GF he’s a cheating AH, figure out what you’re going to do about the pregnancy / baby, and deal with your drama addiction before it utterly destroys your life.
Of course YTA. You know it, everyone here knows it, probably every single person you’ve talked with in recent years knows it.
YOU ARE NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER.
Are you still pregnant?
This guy isnt worth your feelings. He is gross for cheating on his partner and a predator for sleeping a barely out of high school girl. He is taking advantage of the age gap by having some power over you. I feel like you should seek some help from a therapist or a councillor to help deal with these feelings. Especially since you are going to have a baby by this predator.
Wow, he sounds like a catch! … seriously, please get far away from this person.
Any 32-year-old man interested in an 18-year-old girl is a loser and a creep. One day, you will realize that.
And yes, YTA for continuing to see this person after discovering they were with someone else.
he’s been with his girlfriend since you were 8. let that marinate.
ESH
Please cut this guy out of your life. You’re young, so there’s still time to straighten yourself out.
What are you doing?
YTA and so is your future ex-boyfriend.
>I (19F now, 18 at the time) met a man (32M)
This should have been all the information you needed.
>I never wanted to be “the other woman”
Yet you’re choosing to be now that you know you are.
YTA.
“Mind you she is 30”. YTA to yourself for all this
And he was 31 trying to pursue an 18 year old. That’s a predator.
I know you probably think you’re grown but you are basically still a child compared to someone 26+. You do not have the life experience a 31 year old has. Any grown man trying to date you right now is a weirdo.
Get therapy . Get child support.
You really messed your life up with this decision. You are now tied to a dingleberry but you have to do what’s best for this child.
While you started this innocent and the victim so to speak your not that anymore and haven’t been for a long time. Now your a homewreaking mistress you should feel guilty you are a bad person. You can try to make it sound like you don’t have a choice here but you do. You can walk away you just don’t want to. At least own what you are. YTA
“If I had known I never would have been with him”
“Once I did know I kept seeing him”
YTA
“I feel like a bad person”
That’s cause you are. YTA