After losing his job, my dad started saying money is running out and that it would be better for me to take financial responsibility for my therapy. What frustrates me is that I’ve seen him secretly drinking again and making impulsive online purchases. So I keep wondering: how is there money for that, but not for my therapy, which now only happens every two weeks?
A big part of my emotional wounds comes from him. For years, he hurt me in ways that deeply affected me. I tried to tell him how much his behavior was hurting me, but things rarely changed. That’s part of why I started therapy in the first place: to process everything I carried from those experiences and try to heal.
Because of that, it’s hard for me not to feel that he still has some responsibility in this process. If he couldn’t change his behavior when I asked him to, the least he could do now is acknowledge the consequences of that and help support the work it takes to repair the damage. Therapy has been the space where I’ve been able to unpack those wounds and start understanding myself in healthier ways.
At the same time, I do understand that losing a job is a serious situation. I know finances can become uncertain, and I’m not ignoring that reality. But seeing him spend money on alcohol and random online purchases makes the situation feel contradictory. It leaves me questioning whether the issue is truly that there’s no money, or whether my therapy simply isn’t a priority to him anymore.
My sessions are already less frequent than before, only twice a month, so it’s not like I’m asking for the same financial commitment as when I started. Even so, the conversation about me taking over the cost has left me feeling conflicted. Part of me feels guilty for expecting continued help, especially now that I’m an adult. Another part of me feels angry and hurt, because therapy is directly connected to the damage that came from our relationship.
So I’m stuck between those feelings. On one hand, I understand that adults eventually take responsibility for their own expenses. On the other, I can’t shake the feeling that he should still be accountable for the role he played in the pain I’m working through.
So… AITA for wanting my dad to keep paying for my therapy?
INFO: How old are you?
INFO how old are you?
how old are you? do you have your own health insurance? does it cover therapy. As an adult, your expenses get to be yours. do you live under his roof?
INFO:
1. How old are you?
2. How did you not realise that whether you are or are not still a child is vital information?
You’re an adult. Although your father may have caused your issues, it’s now your responsibility to deal with them. It’s not healthy to be reliant on someone you resent for your mental health recovery.
Talk about this specific issue with your therapist.
I don’t think this is a straight forward question. It sounds like you are ‘wanting him to pay’ either in a literal or emotional sense. Maybe discuss with your therapist why you feel this need.
I get wanting people to be accountable for their behaviour but I also know you can want this but you can’t make people take accountability. 9 times out of 10 people who are abusers simple don’t because they are incapable.
I say this as someone who has spent 20 yrs in and out of therapy due to an alcoholic abusive father.
so you don’t like your dad but you want him to pay for your therapy? grow up. that is using him.
YTA, get a job to pay for your therapy yourself. You cant keep using him.
How old are you?
If you have reached legal age in your state of residence = YTA
YTA. It’s sus that you left out your age. It’s my guess that you’re deadass using your dad and you lowkey know it.
How. Old. Are. You. It’s a simple question and would make answering your question a lot easier.
How old are you? Why did you leave out your age?
YTA for leaving out your age, which is **obviously** going to determine most people’s judgements. Unless you respond with your age, and you’re a minor, this is my judgement.