Ok. So this happened a couple years ago. Im 32m.
I work on pools. I had to go to a job on an island. I was meeting a coworker that was to pick me up. She, a 24f, picked me up and we went to a few different jobs. She was attractive but i wasn’t really interested since not only was she a coworker but she was also technically a subordinate. We talked a lot and found we had a lot in common. We were both bisexual and had depression. We had a lot of deep conversations about trauma and life and work and family issues, all sorts of stuff. Honestly didnt get much work done due to supplies being lacking on the island and the fact we were talking and joking most of the time. She mentioned she had a boyfriend as well.
at the end of the day she offered to get food with me but my boat was going to arrive around 5pm and it was 4:30 so i decided it better if i just leave. since we became friends so easily and it was easy to talk to each other we traded snapchats. We already had each other’s phone numbers but that was for professional communication. So we snapped back and forth a couple times while i was on the boat and then she went silent, so I figured she was busy and i didn’t continue the conversation. A few days later. Im drunk at hooters. Yea, i know, im a pos. I had never gone to one and wanted to. Im definitely an ass for this part. I took some pictures of the waitress who was pretty hot and sent those pictures to this coworker. And then a few minutes later i realized that was pretty unprofessional. So i deleted the snaps. If you’re not aware of how snapchat works: if you send a message/picture and then delete it, snapchat tells both parties that a message was deleted. I didn’t think anything of it. A week goes by. My boss calls me into his office and tells me that this coworker wants me to stop bothering her. I try to tell him exactly what i wrote in this post. He doesn’t even let me start and just says “i dont want to hear it, just stop bothering her.” I immediately block her on snap and her phone number. And she is still blocked to this day.
So, I think what happened is that she saw these deleted messages, thought i was being creepy and then decided to report me to my boss and say that i was bothering her.
And look i understand all too well what women go through and that there are a lot of creepy ass dudes out there that will do anything to be their creepy ass selves. As a bisexual man, believe me, i get it.
I wish she had asked me what i sent instead of throwing me under the bus. But i guess i understand why she didnt. She didn’t know me. It was only one day after all. But, I genuinely thought we were going to be platonic friends. Im a very honest person. I would gladly throw myself under the bus to tell the truth, thank you traumas, but this was painful to be basically called a liar.
Just a side note. I dont drink anymore, nor have i ever gone back to hooters What do you think? Am i the asshole?
YTA for taking pictures of someone without their consent, regardless of whether you were drunk or not. This is also risky to send to someone you barely know outside of work.
Even if she might not have seen the images you sent, it might have still seemed like you sent something inappropriate. If she didn’t know what you sent, reporting it to your boss is a pretty reasonable way to protect herself
It also sounds like you might have overestimated how close you two actually were after one day of talking. Having deep conversations at work doesn’t necessarily mean someone wants a personal friendship outside of work.
Your boss is definitely in the wrong for not hearing you out at all, but I still think you’re in the wrong for putting your coworker in an uncomfortable position.
For deleting specific pictures, you’re definitely NTA.
YTA. There is no good reason for a supervisor to discuss their sex life and mental health issues with a subordinate. Even worse when it the first time they have met. You’ve been crossing boundaries and acting unprofessional. Cut it out.
I don’t know if YTA for deleting the snaps as much as YTA for sending them in the first place. I’ve never used Snapchat. Are you able to tell if she saw the pics before you deleted them? I suppose she must’ve if she was bothered enough to report you. Not sending suggestive photos to coworkers is pretty basic stuff. Just be glad you still have a job. Congratulations on your continued sobriety.