AITA for she has cut ties with her abusive step brother for years. Everytime she mentions him she resends him. But now she is conflicted on wether to invite him for our wedding as he is still part of the family. She told me he has been going for therapy and is turning on a new leaf. But I am still worried it might ruin the mood of our wedding for her.
NTA, if you’re simply communicating and telling her that you don’t think it’s a good idea and that you think she shouldn’t do it. But at the end of the day if she decides to invite him, you have to respect her decision and leave the subject alone.
Go out to dinner with them and see this new leaf.
At end can either discuss the wedding and that they wont be invited but if they continue with therapy then you’ll be happy to involve them in future events.
Just because someone is changing doesn’t mean the people around them have to change with them and forgive on their terms.
This is an excellent idea. It may also be worth thinking about an event like a wedding and reception where there’s likely to be noise of different kinds i.e. music, talking and laughter may be ‘trigger’ points too (would he possibly wrongly assume people were laughing at him?). I’d suggest the meal is somewhere not too quiet to see how he copes.
No
Therapy doesn’t automatically mean you get better.
It doesn’t work at all for some people.
Just because he says he’s going to therapy that doesn’t mean he’s changed.
NAH, but I would suggest attempting to persuade and let her make the call in the end over preventing. Seems like not that hard of task given she is already conflicted on whether to do it
NAH but I’ve never seen a successful happy marriage where one partner makes decisions for the other.
People are more likely to make the right decision for them when they feel supported by those around them. Tell her your concerns but then support her decision even if it’s not the one you would make.
NAH. A wedding is supposed to be a happy day and noone should get an automatic invite just because they are “family.” All of the happiest people I know are the ones that ditch their problematic blood relatives in favor of chosen family.
NTA to a point. You can’t just unilaterally decide if she’s allowed to invite him or not it’s both of your wedding and both of your decision. But you’re NTA for being concerned and expressing that you think it’s a bad idea. She’s probably struggling a lot with this decision because sometimes even when we cut out toxic family we still wish that they and or the situation could be different. Not talking to someone is one thing but specifically excluding them from an enormously important life event for which family would typically be present is another.
If she cut ties with him how does she know that he’s going to therapy and turning over a new leaf? Has the rest of her family cut ties the brother or just her? Was inviting him her idea or is someone else in her family suggesting or pushing it? Find out if this is her wanting to reconnect or her feeling obligated. If she’s serious about reconnecting maybe there’s a way to test the water and interact with the brother at a family gathering or something. See how this new leaf is doing and how seeing him again makes her feel.
NAH…but let her make the final decision and support her through the outcome.