TLDR: my MIL (64yo) keeps feeding my (42F) two big dogs (American Akitas Male age 5 & Female age 3) food that’s considered unsafe foods that could potentially lead to pancreatitis/hospitalization. Things like pepperoni & SPAM, which due to the high sodium & fat contents, are considered harmful for any dog of any size.
Details: A month ago my fiancé and I came home from a date night and the house smelled entirely like fried SPAM. I noticed there wasn’t any leftovers in the fridge & immediately got worried she fed some to the dogs after I’d already explicitly told her to stop giving them people food. Sure enough, not even 15 minutes later, the most horrid smell filled our house. My poor female had diarrhea all in her crate & her stomach was solid & she was excessively thirsty. I monitored her the rest of the night per vet instructions & we all eventually went to bed. Only to be woken up at 4am by the same horrid smell because either she had diarrhea issues again except now on our bedroom floor (thank goodness for hardwood floors). The next morning I questioned her about it & she swore up & down she only gave them a small amount, but given that my male was dealing with the same bowel issues the next day, I didn’t believe her.
A couple of weeks after that, I’m in the living room with my fiancé watching tv & she comes into the kitchen & starts rummaging through the fridge. We start having a conversation about an entirely different situation & while we are right there, she starts giving my dogs pieces of pepperoni. I asked her, with no doubts of what I was saying, to please stop feeding my dogs people food because they have really sensitive stomachs & she’s not the one paying their health insurance or the medical bills that would come from their hospitalization. She tried to argue but my fiancé shut it down. She acted like a child & sulked back to her room & barely spoke to me for 2 days. I didn’t care. I’m not putting up with it.
Then tonight, not even half an hour again, she’s back in the fridge & she’s got a plate full of pepperoni in her hand. Next thing I know I see her giving my male pieces & I immediately shut it down. I said, “ Mom, please stop feeding my dogs people food. I’ve asked you several times already & you keep doing it & they get sick every time”. She tried to argue & say she only gave Sköll some (my male) but I just kept on, explaining again that she’s not paying for their bills or upkeep & she definitely couldn’t afford to pay the emergency vet bill if something more serious happened to them. She tried to say I never told her this even though I’ve said this to her no less than 3 other times prior to tonight. I feel like I’m going crazy. I ended up sending her two different links to information about the dangers of feeding things like this to dogs so she knows I’m not just pulling this info out of thin air. Now she’s sulking again & I feel bad but I don’t know what else to do to get through to her.
NTA. Put a sign on the fridge and pantry that says ‘Not for dogs’, so she can’t claim she ‘didn’t know’. If she keeps this up, ask her if she’s having memory issues.
NTA. Might ask your vet to run quotes for the rough type of medical costs this could run and along with presenting them to her, tell her that you would pursue them against her if she’s the reason they need emergency vet attendance.
Might mark some safe dog foods/treats and amounts they can have per day clearly if she is wanting to feed them while she eats or something. But that doesn’t excuse her willfully ignoring boundaries and their health.
Also make her clean it up each time, no matter time of day. If she persists still, ask her if she needs memory care.
I like that idea with the amounts and safe food items. Thinking making a goodie bag for her to choose from for them might help. My dogs are beyond spoiled so they have tons of treats readily available to them too.
NTA, her behavior is strange and reckless. She needs to understand what she’s doing could quite literally kill your dogs over time. This is of course a difficult situation and it won’t always be possible to protect your dogs from her feeding them, so she really needs to understand the gravity of her actions.
I’d stick her with the bill for your previous vet visits, even if you don’t think she’s able to pay it. With luck it will scare her enough to make her stop. Does she have any source of income?
NTA
How about you buy her some treats you approve of and tell her to give them those? If she wants to spoil the dogs for whatever reason, provide some healthy options. Also ask her to clean the diarrhea each time I think.
My dogs are BEYOND spoiled. They have treats galore readily available for her to give them but she just insists on giving people food regardless. Maybe I can make a goodie bag for her with acceptable treats to give out to them.
Oh I feel for you, I went threw this exactly with my father. I have a gorgeous purebred dalmatian, Sunny, that is my world. When I was going threw a big transition in my life I moved in with my dad, and so did Sunny.
Dalmatians are sensitive too but also have strict diet limitations with purine, due to literally missing the enzyme in their DNA to process purine, purine is a pretty common in alot of things.
Anyway I literally thought it was a given that most people just didn’t feed other peoples dogs. It wasn’t until Sunny had a few issues, that I clocked onto dad feeding him literally anything he had around, either left over’s or what was in his hand at that moment. Sunny just had to give him that look and that was it, pretty much no matter what it was.
We had countless heated arguments about it. Initially I did exactly what you have done, calm factual information, he was literally the same as your MIL, either denied it or claimed it was such a small amount it couldn’t possibly impact him. I was also very firm and direct and clear, when it continued I lost my cool and we had a few fights over it.
Unfortunately after that, he then just did it more discreetly, I guess to avoid conflict. But I found out he kept doing it (caught red handed a few times) so I moved out earlier than planned.
After I moved out dad missed Sunny so much he contacted the same breeder and purchased his own dally pup. Three years later, they were in the vet with overweight and tummy issues. It was then that I got a phone call and an apology, saying that he now understood and felt bad for me and Sunny.
Which I really didn’t and still don’t understand. I had explained it to him, and shown him evidence, encouraged him to look it up etc. But it seems only when it happened to him with his dog did it click.
I wish I had some better advice for you, all I can say is that you are 100% NTAH! I don’t know how you can resolve this. Maybe take her with you to the next vet apportionment and have a the neutral professional outsider explain how bad it is. Although you’d think the diarrhea on the floor should have done that.
One thing with my dad, I know that he really really wanted to have a bond with sunny. So maybe that’s why? Competing with mumma for their affection so just give them treats? I dunno Dad kind of let slip that’s why he did it at the time. So dumb.
Maybe get fiance to lay down the law? You didn’t really mention his stance at all on the situation?
This is helpful thank you. I do think that she wants a dog of her own but we’ve not allowed it because we know we would be responsible for it the cost. I don’t think she has any clue how much the health insurance alone is for two dogs that are over 200lbs total.
My fiancé does have my back but he also knows that I prefer to handle my own conflicts but he’s always there to back me up when she tries to deny what’s going on or say I didn’t tell her. I prefer that because he acts as a witness and lets me fight my own battles. But there have been times I’ve told him he needed to talk to her because I knew I wouldn’t respond in a healthy manner and he’s always done it.
Are we half sisters?
I have had the same issue. Unfortunately, my sweet boy ended up with Acute Hemorrhagic Diarrhea Syndrome. Even a small piece of chicken from her Chicken Parmigiana threw his stomach into absolute hell. He’s a Golden Retriever with the most amazing disposition so you can imagine how awful this was. She FINALLY started to understand after seeing him while he was treated for that. But that understanding is short lived at times. My mother is in her early 80s and sees this as a way to show love to dogs.
You are NTA. You are being a responsible pet parent. Your mom, like mine, thinks she is great at manipulation. You may either have to have your vet call her for a gentle conversation “from a professional“ (that’s possibly embarrassing enough for her that you ‘told on her’, or give her the next bill/or a contract that any tummy issues requiring medical intervention will be her responsibility to pay. Sadly, you have to parent your parent right now, and that sucks. But good for you for looking out for your dogs.
are you living with her ot she living with you?
she shouldn’t feed your dogs, and you are NTA for being upset. One thing you can do if you are living with her is move out. If she lives with you, then tell her ahe keeps doing it she will have to move.
Nta I have two toy poodles.. mine has an extremely sensitive stomach so I get it!.. put a lock or an alarm on the fridge so it’ll give you a warning when she opens it.. only until she learns what not or what to do!