***Point of clarification, I have my own relationship with my BILs boss, and they normally come to the property together, and was only letting him know my wife and her brothers issue did not affect him or him being able to hunt.***
***Second point of clarification: there had been a previous instance my wife and BIL had gotten into it and his boss had reached out to me to make sure things were OK. As he didn’t want to cause issues, no idea what the BIL has told him in that situation***
Not sure how to start into this, so I do my best to articulate the issue.
Little history, me and my wife live on my family farm. My family has over the years allowed to let people hunt. Never charged anyone, no expectations other than clean up after yourself and if it ain’t yours don’t touch it. For the last couple years my BIL and his boss have been allowed to hunt. I have established a relationship with my BILs boss (great dude) . They have both helped with things around my place, like one day we framed my back porch, BIL did some metal skirting around the house. I have done vehicle maintenance on my BIL car. I was always appreciative, but also told them not to feel obligated as it wasn’t a determining factor in them getting to come hunt.
Fast forward my wife and BIL got into it and she told him she didn’t want him out here and he wasn’t allowed to come hunt I reached out to my BIL boss, not as his boss but as someone I know just to let him know their drama didn’t impact him getting to come hunt and reiterated to him that the help and scrap materials from his business has always been appreciated but was not what afforded him the right to hunt out here. He understood, no issues and said the scrap was just that, no sweat off his back kinda thing. Cool except now the BIL is going around and making a huge deal out of "I called his boss", he has not reached out to me, his sister has reached out to him several times apologizing and asking him to call her. Nothing…
Over the last couple weeks the BIL has come onto the property unannounced to get his tree stand etc (which is fine, his equipment) where I have a problem is that he effectively snuck out there, didn’t notify anyone nor reached out to anyone (this i have a problem with) the farm is rather large with more than one entrance and i work most the day (context)
I haven’t had any communication with him during any of this, far as I was concerned it was an issue between my wife and her brother. I didn’t call his boss (who at this point is a mutual person we know) to get him in trouble or tell on him, just to let him know their issues didn’t impact him, just kinda confused on that issue and now a little peeved about coming onto the property unannounced.
Info: what exactly did you tell your boss about why your brother in law is no longer hunting/did the boss have that information before you told him?
Most people don’t like their boss being informed about their family drama.
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YTA-there was no reason for you to call his boss, you overstepped.
YTA. No one wants phone calls to their boss about family stuff, hardly matters what it is . Why did you do it anyway?
INFO: What reason did you have to believe the argument would’ve gotten to the boss? Why would you assume you needed to say anything?
Because there had been an instance before where his BOSS had reached out to me making sure everything was OK after my BIL and wife had gotten into things
In regards to impacting him being able to come out and hunt
NTA.
If you BIL lives close though, go and talk to him in person. Let him know that the argument between him and his sister is just that and for them to sort out and the reasons you talked to his boss, who you also have a relationship with and have received scrap that you use on the farm, just to let him know he was still welcome.
Id also explain to your BIL that you have no problem with him taking the things ge owns, but from a safety perspective, let you know when he plans to pick stuff up. As a farmer, you could be shooting at feral pests not knowing he is there in the trees taking down a stand, that’s just good farm etiquette and safety.
Unfortunately he lives over an hour away. There will have to be a conversation at some point.
It would be worth it IMO. Texts dont give any context and are regularly misinterpreted, if you’ve had a good relationship previously then Id go, preferably with your wife (his sister) to talk it out.
Eh, tell Brother he can have the PD come escort him next time he wants to get something from the property he’s no longer welcome on the property since he can’t give you a heads up
Soft YTA. I understand that you wanted to let his boss know that he could still come over because they usually come together, but I don’t think there was any need for you to go out of the way to talk to him about it. Regardless, your BIL shouldn’t be sneaking onto your property.
NTA. I’m guessing most of your asshole votes are coming from people who don’t understand how rural communities work. When most people in a community know each other and have interwoven relationships, something as simple and straightforward as a spat between siblings can have a ripple effect far beyond what would be expected elsewhere.
You contacting your friend – who is also your BIL’s boss – to make sure he knew he was welcome to continue hunting on your farm, is simple and straightforward, but there would be no reason to have that conversation except that his usual hunting buddy is no longer welcome. That’s where things get complicated and messy, but that’s not your fault, that’s between the siblings. You’re still NTA.
Thank you for articulating what I was trying to get across.
NTA. You didn’t “tell on him,” you spoke to someone you already had your own relationship with and simply clarified that the family drama didn’t involve him. That’s reasonable.
The bigger issue is your BIL coming onto your property unannounced and then stirring up drama about it instead of talking like an adult. If anything, you’ve stayed pretty neutral while he’s escalating it.