AITA for feeling hurt about the lack of communication from the guy I’ve been talking to?
I(21f) have been talking to a guy(24m) for a while and things used to be really good between us. We talked a lot, flirted, and we would usually meet up about once a week and spend the day together.
About a month ago he moved. Before we lived about an hour away from each other, but now he lives about two hours away. He’s been busy unpacking, fixing things in his new place, starting a new job, and he’s also in school.
Since the move, communication has dropped a lot. Some days I’m lucky if I get one text from him. He does apologize for lagging and tells me he’s not playing with me or wasting my time, so I’ve been trying to be patient and understanding because I know he has a lot going on.
But at the same time, the sudden change in communication has been really hard for me emotionally and it’s starting to affect my mental health. I feel drained and confused about whether I’m just overthinking things or if this is a sign that the connection is fading.
So AITA?
NTA for feeling hurt. people switching up their communication after being consistent hurts. between moving and the distance, he might be slowly pulling away. idk but if you haven’t already, let him know how much you like him, and see if there’s a way you can meet in the middle. maybe phone calls a few times a week, or setting a day you can meet literally in the middle between your homes
Unfortunately I think he is moving on. The older I get the more I realize the age old saying of “if he wanted to, he would” is sooo true.
No one is so busy that they can’t take 10 secs to send a text. Sure maybe for a couple days but for a whole month he’s too busy? I don’t think so. NTA — If I were you I’d seriously consider moving on and/or have a serious convo with him
NTA it’s normal to feel hurt, but unless you’re planning on moving there or him moving back, I would honestly cut your losses. Long distance sense isn’t worth the headache in my experience. Maybe he’s coming to this realization as well and just distancing himself hoping you won’t say anything and just understand that it’s distance. However, all that being said, you are completely valid in your feelings and I would be upset too if you’re used to a certain norm and that’s not being met under the new circumstances.
NTA, it’s okay to feel hurt. But do have a conversation before things go too far? like are things going anywhere, for the sake of clarity
Update: I also forgot to mention that I’ve had a talk with him about how I’ve been feeling in our relationship. I told him that I felt a distance growing between us and that I like him, but I need more consistency. I asked him where we stood, and he said we’re still getting to know each other. He reassured me that he isn’t trying to play games with me and that he likes me. He also asked me what my thoughts were on long distance and seeing where things could go.
Since that conversation, he has stepped up with communicating with me. It’s not the same level as before the move, but we are still talking. However, on weekends he’s less communicative, which still leaves me feeling a little unsure at times.
Soft YTA. Yes, you’re overthinking it. It’s only been a month. He’s suddenly got a lot more things taking his time. Therefore less available for you. Sure you feel bad but life includes adapting to change. Keep in contact (not clingy) but if you can’t handle the new dynamic and wait for his life to settle down then maybe move on.
This kind of thinking end with “breakup happened out of nowhere”. It’s not overthinking to notice a change. Both people matter in a relationship so “sure you feel bad, get used to it” is really bad advice.
ngl the fact that he’s reassuring you he’s not playing games is actually a decent sign, but also like… actions speak louder than words and one text a day when you used to talk constantly is a pretty big shift. i’d give it another month or two to see if things normalize once he settles in, but if your mental health is already taking a hit this early then thats worth paying attention to, you know
Girl, this is data for you to notice and consider. Don’t try to gaslight yourself. If it bothers you, it bothers you.
NTA, I read your update and I’m glad to hear that things have picked up. All I can say is that if you’re still uncomfortable, tell him so. It could be that you aren’t compatible now that he’s moved away.