Hi for context am (18m) and I’ve been relying on my dad financially because am currently in high school and I’ve been taking allowances from him my entire life, the thing is that since last year it really became much harder for me to deal w him because he has much free time at his work, he keeps on calling to talk , rebuking me whenever I make purchases online even when I go to restaurants( we share the same gmail& we also have a joint account )and it’s not even that we don’t have money it’s just that he has that sense of boredom and I kinda get it but sometimes it can just be overwhelming .
I don’t want to talk about every convo that we had but I really don’t know how to deal W him,he keeps on arguing and stalking me especially that we share the same gmail, and I’ve decided to find myself a job so I don’t have to appease him swallowing my own pride knowing that am damn right just so I don’t have to deal with being broke.
He also controls my life in a lot of other different aspects like trying to interfere my relationship with god ( btw I pray cuz I believe in god,but he still also forces me to pray and do optional act of worship ) which is something that really gets me mad and I always tell him “ if I were to pray I would do so cuz of god and not you father”.
I know I may sound like an asshole but am really not, am very grateful of everything that he’d ever done for me it’s just that I need to set my boundaries and stand my ground for what I believe is okay and acceptable.
A little note : Ik this is really not common in many of the other household but in our family it’s quite normal to be living and being taking care of by your parents ( just so u guys don’t judge me ) would like to hear your feedbacks👀
NTA, get a job if his interference bothers you. Also get an independent gmail i think
Yh that’s what am considering rn
NTA at all. You’re 18, not 8, and your dad reading every purchase and forcing religious stuff is straight up control, not “caring.”
Getting a job and separate accounts is the move here, even if it starts small, because financial independence is the only thing that’s really going to give you leverage with a parent like this.
At age 18, you should have your own, separate email account. Your own bank account would be good also, especially once you get a job (good luck!) A parents job is to prepare our kids for adulthood, and it sounds as though he’s done pretty well. Now he has to trust that and allow you to live a little. I’m a mom, my youngest is almost 19.
All that to say, NTA.
I understand what you’re saying, and I agree that by 18 it’s important to start having your own things like your own email and bank account. The situation with my email is a little different though. The Gmail was originally mine and I’ve had it for about six years, so pretty much everything of mine is tied to it. Later on my dad forgot the password to his own email and started using mine too, so it ended up becoming shared.
Because of that, it’s hard for me to just leave the account and start over since all my logins, subscriptions, and other accounts are connected to it. I do get the point you’re making about independence though, and I appreciate the perspective.
You don’t have to just leave the account. You can create a new one and use that for any new stuff and slowly transition your old stuff away from it.
That’s fair, and I get what you mean. I guess my hesitation is mostly because I’ve had that email for about six years and pretty much everything is connected to it, so the idea of moving things over feels a bit overwhelming. But doing it slowly like you suggested probably makes more sense than trying to change everything at once.
NTA def
NTA… taking steps like this to gain independence is actually kinda normal. Some parents are better about accepting it than others, but you gaining that independence will let you start to tell him ‘No’.
I get what you’re saying about independence, and I agree that learning to say “no” is part of growing up. The issue I’m dealing with right now isn’t really about that though. It’s more about trying to keep things calm because he keeps provoking situations and calling me over things even when I’m not doing anything.
I’m mainly trying to figure out how to handle it in a way that doesn’t escalate things or create bigger problems for me. So for me it’s less about not wanting independence and more about trying to keep the peace while still protecting my situation.
Try to approach it with him in a way that makes it sound less like you want to defy him and more like you’re trying to ‘grow up’, like you want to be independent so he doesn’t have to spend more of his money on you, because you are earning your own and doing more to support yourself. The ‘Independence’ phrasing is more for him than it is for you. You can still hold your intentions close to your chest while you work out the situation.
NTA, get your independence and get out of there. Keep your head down in the meantime.