So I live in an apartment above another apartment.
I recently received a note on my door a few days ago from my downstairs neighbor asking me if I could try to be a bit more quieter. They said that they can hear me walking, getting in and out of bed, closing doors, and doing laundry really late into the night, and it wakes them up and they usually have to get up early. For context, I’m usually up until 3-4AM every day.
They said it in a very nice way, and I completely
understand them, and genuinely don’t want to bother them. I truly didn’t realize that they could hear all that stuff, especially me doing laundry.
As for the laundry thing, I started trying to move my schedule around so the majority of my laundry is done before 10pm. I thought that was a reasonable request, especially because my laundry machine makes some loud noises sometimes.
As for the other things, I dont do anything out of the ordinary. Im not stomping on the ground when I walk, nor am I slamming doors.
I did try to be more mindful of how I’m doing these things though, but there isn’t a way that I can walk any quieter short of walking on my tippy toes. I also try to close doors extremely quietly.
As for the getting out of bed thing though, Im studying or doing homework late at night, and sometimes I take a 20 minute break by laying in bed on my phone, then get up and continue. Personally, I do feel that’s an unreasonable request, which is where I might be TA.
After a week of being more mindful about my noise, I received another note saying that they can still hear me up late at nignt and are only getting around 5 hours of sleep every night, and they threatened to escalate the issue to management.
I also have upstairs neighbors who are noisy sometimes, and the few days in a year where I actually can afford to go to sleep early, I’m always woken up by the bed creaking over and over again for about half an hour. But, I don’t say anything because it’s their life and I don’t fee I have the authority to control their life and actions. Sometimes, that’s just the reality of living in apartments.
Some other important context: Around 2 weeks ago I had some friends visiting me, and one of them was jumping and stomping on the floor, and my downstairs neighbors hit their ceiling with a broom to tell us to be quiet. I tried to control my friend after this, and I really am sorry that my neighbor could hear us. This was before the note, but I know it was probably one of the last straws for my neighbor. Howerver, the note implied that this was a constant thing, so most of the noises they heard are probably from me alone.
AITA?
NTA, this is one of those things you deal with apartment living. Part of why I have always lived on the top floor. Depending on the construction it may be impossible to address fully.
INFO: do you have carpets? Are you in a place to invest in carpets? These can help with impact/noise reduction.
Edit: I would also go ahead and initiate a conversation with your landlord before your neighbor. As unlikely as it sounds, they might be able to help.
You kind of buried the lede there with the last paragraph. Your friend was a disrespectful AH and put you on a bad footing with the neighbor. Then you continued doing laundry even after that when you knew your machine was loud. Why do you need to be opening and closing doors at night when you live alone?
>why do you need to be opening and closing doors when you live alone?
I’m guessing it’s probably cabinet doors/closet. What does it matter? As long as OP isn’t just slamming them. Some buildings just have thin walls. I’m my last apartment, if I was in my bathroom I could hear my upstairs neighbor close their medicine cabinet. I understand some of the neighbors complaints but overall it just sounds like they cannot handle being a downstairs neighbor. I mean I know I can’t but that’s why I’ve refuse to be one again. Unless you live in like a concrete building you’re going to hear your neighbors all the time.
NTA. You have a right to use your apartment at night. You stopped doing laundry late. Unless you’re blasting music or stamping, I really don’t think there’s much they can do. I’d think there’s some rules about quiet hours. You can check those to see if there’s particulars. Most of the time normal activities aren’t a violation. Sounds like the owners cheaped out of safe n sound between the apartments and everyone has to suffer.
Edit: occasional late night things are too be expected. So long as they aren’t too common, I always ignored them during my apartment-dwelling days
NTA
Telling you when to get in and out of bed is extremely unreasonable. If they can’t sleep cause of that, they need earplugs at the very least. Go to your landlord first and explain exactly what they are asking.
NTA you took their compliant to heart and have tried to be more mindful including doing your laundry at a reasonable hour. A lot of apartments have thin walls and poor insulation, you can hear ambient noise pretty easily. You’ve mentioned you can hear your upstairs neighbor too. I get them being upset about the washer and your friend jumping but some things are not within your control. You’re allowed to be a human that stays up late in your own apartment as long as you’re not doing disruptive/excessively loud. There’s people that don’t sleep/work on a “normal” schedule. It might be worth going to your landlord/leasing office and let them know your neighbor has left notes and you’ve been trying but you can’t control the volume of the closet or the sound of your bed when you get up. You understand your neighbors frustration but can’t be walking on eggshells when you’re just trying to exist in your home.
NTA. You aren’t doing anything unusual. It is not reasonable for a neighbor to expect you to never close doors or walk in your home, no matter what hours you keep.
NTA its simply cheap built apartment life. I suggest your downstairs neighbor move into an upstairs end unit or rent a house.
NTA. I had the same issue with some downstairs neighbors. They wanted absolute and complete silence. I told them after the third complaint to piss off. Sorry. It’s not happening in an apartment complex. I sleep with a fan and noise machine to drown out noises around me. I understand getting pissed if someone’s blasting music at 3am or blaring loud tv all night. But hearing footsteps above you is just something you have to live with.
Rugs under your bed and a runner down the hall with slippers would help if your apartment isn’t already carpeted.
While you are not responsible for thin walls and ceilings, you are well aware they are. I am just going to play devils advocate for a second. You have to understand that you are moving around and making what you think are light noises when the rest of the world is asleep and quiet which makes it sound probably far louder.
For example – I fall asleep to the tv at night and forget to set the timer and in the wee hours; when wake up at like 2 am – the tv sounds like it’s screaming but the volume is at a level I would barely be able to hear during “business hours” due to the extra noises that are in the background of the awake world.
Also you waited until the end of your post to say your friend was super loud and stomping on the floor so they were already deservedly mad. So you are kinda TA.
NTA. Though wonder if you walk heel first? I’ve been both top floor and bottom. One thing that got to me was the tiny lady above me who walked heavy heeled and she sounded like an elephant. You don’t have to tip toe, but you can walk more on the balls of your feet than the heel.
For the doors, get some foot stops so they’re not closing by themselves.
If your bed is creaky, get some WD-40 and tighten the screws (or get a platform – side note with this, I have one with drawers and it’s great for extra storage).
You let a friend jump around and are doing laundry after 10 pm in an apartment, then YTA.
You might want to check the noise ordinance laws where you live. Where I am you cannot disrupt the peace of others in their own dwelling above a certain decibel during the day and another at night. Even for things like music, TV, and your voice. The only exceptions are things like vacuum and laundry BEFORE 10 pm.
If they haven’t been complaining since you moved in then that means they have tried to just deal with it and have gotten fed up, which points to you probably being louder than you think you are. Especially because they didn’t go straight to management and are trying to resolve it between you guys.
Get a decibel machine and see how loud you are in your apartment and then ask them to record what decibel they are hearing for things and see how loud it actually is.