I don’t want to give too much back story as I am trying to make this as unbiased as possible for the initial post. As this grows I can give more input as to what goes on here/has occurred and what I suspect is going on.
Mom yesterday through text: **"So you know the AC and Heat will be turned off as of tomorrow until the summer"**
**Occurrence today**: Smoke alarm was going off. I opened the kitchen window above the sink to our backyard. Told her about it, she went over to the window and opened the blinds to the window, at this point the alarm was off already while she did so.
Mom’s text today: **You’ve been upstairs and left my kitchen window open and my heat is on. Now if I start yelling you’ll say I’m complaining and all I do is complain.**
I was on my 15 min break so I ran back upstairs to clock back in while she was downstairs by the window, then I got this text. For her she’s saying that regardless of what she said in the text…her heat was on and she’s upset, it’s my fault and I should take accountability as I should’ve still asked or checked to see if it was on. For me…YOU told me on your own that the heat was off.
I am trying my best to move out as my current job doesn’t pay enough. I am currently finishing my masters, I apply to jobs like crazy. One I got, but the background check is taking forever to finish.
I need help, am I wrong or does she not take accountability? It feels like no matter what it’s always my fault.
Please stop using “gaslighting” to describe misunderstandings or disagreements.
I am actually in therapy for narcissistic abuse…the tactics she uses are in fact gaslighting as said by a licensed therapist (multiple at that) so in my context…yes she absolutely gaslights and no…its not a misunderstanding or simple disagreement. This is me asking if this is another situation of that or not.
This is really not the sub for this; this would be better for a relationship-based sub.
But this particular incident is, at least plausibly, not gaslighting per se. “As of tomorrow” doesn’t necessarily mean “at 00:00 this morning.”
Which does not preclude her from starting to gaslight you, if she starts telling you that she said something different, or if she tries to claim that the text message you have is fake or something. And she’s absolutely manipulating you into a position where you can’t reasonably defend yourself without automatically proving her point, which is not okay. But this exchange, by itself, is not gaslighting.