I, (17 F) and my Catholic sponsor Lucy (21 F) have the same birthday, I absolutely love Lucy and I am excited that she is my sponsor in the Catholic Church. For those who don’t know, a sponsor is someone who helps you through the process of becoming a Catholic. Well anyway, my mom has arranged a dinner for us the day after our birthday so that we could celebrate and chat. Lucy’s younger brother goes to my school and is in my grade, he’s a really sweet boy and is in my class. He talks to me about volleyball and bass guitar, amongst his other interests, so we know each other pretty well. As he didn’t have anywhere else to go that night, I invited him to join us for our birthday celebration since I thought it was going to be really laid back and nobody would mind. This was my mistake. My mother got really mad at me when I came home because I told her I invited my sponsors younger brother to our dinner that night. I thought I was being nice but apparently it was impolite and not my decision because as my mother said, she was the host and got to decide who could come. I didn’t see it that way because it was a dinner for me, and Lucy’s birthday. I do understand and feel bad now because Lucy might not be comfortable with her younger brother being there, so I guess I might be the a-hole for that. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable and it seemed like a charitable thing to do at the time. But my mom’s been passive aggressive towards me for the whole day and I’m nervous about this evening. Should I apologize?
(Ps, food is not and issue we have quite a bit of the dinner my mom made)
Soft YTA — your heart was in the right place, but you can’t add surprise guests to a dinner someone else is hosting and then act shocked when they’re not thrilled, even if it is technically your birthday too.
A simple, calm apology like, “I’m sorry, I should’ve asked before inviting him — I was just trying to be kind,” should smooth this over without turning it into a whole saga.
Thanks for commenting, this is kinda what I thought. I wasn’t thinking it would be rude when I invited him I just thought it was nice, but I see now it wasn’t okay because I totally should have checked with my mom beforehand, even though it was a small occasion.
Soft YTA. The dinner is FOR you, but it isn’t YOUR dinner. Your mom was right. It’s rude to invite people without asking the host first.
Soft YTA, but only because it wasn’t your dinner to invite people to. Your mom planned and cooked it. Your intentions were genuinely kind, but adding a guest to someone else’s hosted dinner without checking first is the misstep. Apologize to your mom, and maybe quietly check with Lucy that she’s okay with her brother coming tonight.
ESH. Doesn’t matter if food is the issue or not, it’s a celebration FOR you, not BY you. Your mother is still the host and she should be consulted for the guest list. However, she too sounds immature, because at most, it should be a “I wish you had consulted me before inviting someone else, I’m the host and it’s rude to invite people without my knowledge.” But she went into petty “I get to decide who comes to your celebration” territory. I would apologise for inviting the boy without letting her know, but that’s it. Mum’s pettiness shouldn’t ruin your moment. I’m sure the brother would mention to Lucy that he’s been invited and any issues with that can be sorted among them.
NAH. You were trying to be kind and include someone who didn’t have plans, but your mom is also right that hosts usually decide the guest list. A quick “is it okay if he joins?” beforehand would’ve solved everything.
Do you have the money to pay for one of the dinners? You invited the guest, so you should be paying for him. NAH just a lack of communication and thinking it through.
YTA Are you paying? No? Then don’t fucking invite randoms
In my house growing up it would not have been an issue, we often hosted folks on the fly. Giving as much warning as possible would be expected however.
Yet, it sounds like your mother has much different ideas on hospitality and being a hostess. If this has never come up in the past, I am going with NAH – live and learn and now you know.
If there’s been a kerfuffle over late additions before, then I think a YTA might be in order.
Luckily this is the first time this has ever happened, as I don’t really feel the need to invite anyone to my mom’s gatherings. I just thought I’d be a nice thing for to do for him. But yeah, definitely asking next time whoosh
Yeah, very soft YTA – let this be a learning process for you. It was nice of you to invite him but the problem is, you’re not paying. Your mom is. You just increased the bill without any communication. I’m pretty sure if the roles were reversed (you paying and mom inviting) you’d feel a bit taken advantage of. At the end of the day, this isn’t something that is going to derail the whole show. Just be a bit more mindful of who is paying next time and just ask. There’s nothing wrong with asking.
Is this your party? No. Then why are you inviting random people? YTA