I met this girl about a year ago, we had a few shared interests like thrifting, listening to similar music, and also our moms introduced us to each other because they know each other from work.
Anyways
At the end of 2025 she got sent to the hospital for mental health reasons and stayed there for a while and and when she was there we texted and i checked on her and told her its gonna be fine and that I’m here if she needs anything. She asked me to bring a vape and sneak it in and visit her so I told her no but we can vape and hang out when she’s out and then she got mad and started saying that I think I’m better than her and that she doesn’t want this friendship anymore and its not her kind of friendship type, and that her mom always talks shit about me behind my back and a bunch of other messages like that. She blocked me for a while and we didn’t talk but after new years we started talking again and met like twice but after those texts i just feel like its not the same and that i should just stop replying or block her. When we first met i brushed off any red flags, and kind of didn’t give much thought to it. but now I think its better to just end it here because i feel like when we talk its kind of awkward or like those texts didn’t happen. She apologized and said that she was dealing with depression but like i also have depression but wouldn’t say that to a friend over a vape. And every time we had met she would bring her dog to walk him and bring him with us and she knows i wanted to do something else like go shopping or walk around and get food.
Anyway
She texts me like once a week to hang out, yesterday she asked me to have dinner with her and her mom and sister but i said no i couldn’t, i kind of stopped asking her to hang out. She might text me again to hang out soon so i kind of dont want to reply anymore. Should i block her or just stop replying? Or am i over reacting?
Block her. I had a friend like this and it starts with random little fights and not talking for a while. Then you forgive and “forget” and you see this pattern happen with other people eventually and they leave and your friend will glom back onto you because you’re the person who forgives and forgets. You brush it off as their mental health and that it’s okay because you want to be there for them. Eventually you’ll realize how much of a toll it will take on you and maybe they’ll do something even more horrible to you. I’d say just break it off now so you don’t have to go through the cycle of abuse.
I agree, this makes sense as it has happened to me in the past. Thanks
I think you are underestimating what it’s like to be hospitalized for mental health issues. That’s kind of a different level of difficulty not only with the depression itself but the loss of control of life in a hospital for a while. It doesn’t excuse the texts but might be a reason for some compassion and a reason to let go of that.
But if she’s not a good friend to you now – like she doesn’t listen to what you want to do or isn’t kind or supportive – that’s what I’d pay attention to.
Should definitely judge her on her current actions and not ones she’s doing in the psych ward? Like how are you gonna truly take people from the psych ward seriously?
I had my ex tell me I was part of the new world order when he was in there…I never took it personally because the man was talking nonsense. He thought the nurses were in on it. People truly underestimate mental illness unfortunately.
I understand, she shaved her head off too so i know she wasn’t really thinking straight. But I’m very sensitive and she’s the only friend i have besides my sister. Her mom told my mom that its an ongoing issue and is always complaining about the problems they have at home and like everyday she calls my mom and tells her and i understand wanting to be there for someone but i feel overwhelmed and kind of forced to be a fake friend, my mom wont tell me whats going on but apparently its bad and i didnt know that before we became friends
If you feel overwhelmed and forced to be a friend, then it sounds like it’s time to step back – that’s not a good friendship for either of you. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’re both pretty young and these are really hard issues to handle. I hope you’ve got support from your mom or from another good adult.
Clearly for your mental health, you have to move on. The real question is if you tell her why , or not. I think I can’t really be mad with someone who is having a mental breakdown. I also think it’s ok to not want to be abused again. NAH , but I think you should think about telling or ghosting as a question of what you think is easier on her, since you already know how you feel.
I’m not in the best place in my life right now and really dont want to be friends just based off of the ‘right thing to do’ i want to trust my gut which has always been right, and I’d end up regretting not acting in the right time. So yeah I think she might attack me if i tell her anything if i decide to end it which i think this is where this is heading.
Your mental health is as important as anyone’s, and I agree that telling her for noble reasons that make her feel like crap isn’t as noble as not saying anything. A fade away also leaves the opportunity to change your mind later, if you so choose. Please take care of yourself , any position where someone might attack you for speaking your mind , tells everything about why you need the separation.
I agree 👍🏻
You have to decide red flags vs green flags, but judging someone who was in an institution and detoxing from all substances over what they said when you denied providing what they were detoxing from seems strong. But this seems more like you’re asking for permission to walk away from a situation that your mom sort of forced on you. NTA
Don’t ghost. Tell her why you don’t want to be friends with her. It may hurt her a little but it’s better long term.