I (27M) work in a big company in the HR team. I was tasked with preparing a sort of celebration for the team via videocall since we were celebrating the end of the year. One of the activities I chose was a game where people had to send fun facts about each other and the others had to guess who it was. One of the people sent in something related to organising parties for children and when asked if it was me I chuckled and said it can’t be me because I hate kids. People laughed at this and the celebration went on and it was over. The next week, my manager called me and she said that we needed to have a serious talk and that this is my official warning because what I said offended the people in the team that have kids and that it was inappropriate and she said and I quote “it’s like saying you hate lesbians” and that it irritated her.
I felt HORRIBLE because it wasn’t my intention to offend anyone, it was truly a stupid joke and my initial reaction was to profusely apologise. After the meeting I messaged each of my colleagues and apologised as well. All of the colleagues said there was no need to apologise and that if they felt offended they would have talked to me. One even said that she said worse things before she had kids. I am well aware this might just be a lie and they were actually offended and complained.
This is where I started to question this situation and I asked some friends and all of them said that she was waaay overreacting and that comparing this to saying you hate a marginalised group of people is not a good comparison.
So I’m slowly thinking that maybe she’s the only one that had a problem with this and blew it out of proportion
So reddit, AITA?
EDIT: I think people are assuming Im HR and doing this for other employees, this is NOT the case. I was doing it for my internal HR team, all ranked higher than me. These people talk to me every day and we have other meetings regularly. There is no abuse of power taking place
You work in HR and you thought something like that was funny, in an official work call? And then you thought it was OK to confront the coworkers directly and demand to know if they were the ones who complained?
YTA, and bad at your job.
Soft YTA. I feel like as an HR person you should know generally not to speak about hating entire groups of people at work. I don’t think it really makes you a bad person but just do better going forward. And maybe stop talking to people about this incident- that’s not making it better.
If it was just you saying it and getting flak for it, I would have gone with No A-holes Here. Your phrasing was unfortunate, maybe even inappropriate for someone working in HR (“I’m not a kids-person” would have been much more socially and professionally acceptable).
But the fact that you, an HR team member who is supposed to be a safe space for employees, confronted team members basically asking them if/who snitched… If I was your boss, I would have fired you on the spot.
You hold a position of power over employees, and regardless of intention: That move you made is intimidation.
YTA
Yess this! Saying I am not a kids person would have been received way better
YTA, that’s not a good thing to say at work lol
EDIT and you’re HR. you’re not setting the right tone
>> One of the activities I chose was a game where people had to send fun facts about each other and the others had to guess who it was. One of the people sent in something related to organising parties for children and when asked if it was me I chuckled and said it can’t be me because I hate kids.
YTA. This isn’t a good look for an HR person. 1. You’re inadvertently shitting on something someone put in as a fun fact about what they do. 2. You’re one of the people employees are meant to go to if they have issues (legal or otherwise) within the company. What if I’m being discriminated against because I’m pregnant? Or because I have children? If you’re assigned my case, or you’re the HR rep I’m supposed to go to, I might be hesitant to report things or worried you’ll work against me because you casually mentioned that you hate kids.
I don’t think you had any bad intentions but it was definitely a dumb thing to say out loud in a work setting.
Howdy, I’m a queer childfree person who used to work in HR. I think you definitely said this without thinking which TBH isn’t a great look for something working in HR. You have to be a bit more self aware moving forward.
That being said, your boss definitely overreacted by comparing your comment to hating lesbians. I’m gonna go with ESH but your boss sucks more than you do.
EDIT TO ADD- While I get that you messaged your team to apologize, that maybe wasn’t the smartest move either as it definitely could come off like you’re retaliating based on the complaint. You don’t know who filed it.
Professional wise YTA.
Some things just don’t need to be said at work. You made it too personal.
YTA it’s like someone telling a story about helping their grandmother and you saying “could never be me, I hate old people”
That would be a hilarious line though.
Especially if the speaker is old. I’m a 6’2 late 40’s guy with a shaved head. We were at a show the other day and an equally tall shaved head old-ish guy was right in front. I (quietly) complained about old bald men blocking people’s view. No, we weren’t seated in the back row. 🙂
No, it’s not.
No one was telling a story about kids. They were guessing that a story about kids was his story.
It’s more like someone asking “Do you volunteer at retirement homes?” and him responding “No, I hate spending time with old people”.
It’s mildly rude but clearly in a joking manner and it was not directed as scorn at any of the people there.
You added “spending time” in there, though.
To actually be comparable, your example would be “no, I hate old people,” and that doesn’t sound great either.
It’s a wild thing to say in a work setting