AITA Am I wrong here? I genuinely want to know. Is it weird/wrong for my boyfriend to have old love letters and pics of his ex (first love, at one point he considered her the “one that got away”)? I don’t like it, it makes me insecure and feel some kinda way. I hate this. He says it’s normal and he’s keeping them, that he shouldn’t have to get rid of them. In a way I totally agree it’s his past, his life, his memories, he has the right to keep things. But in the back of my mind I don’t understand at the same time, like why would he want to keep them? If he’s over her and it’s not like that he doesn’t miss her or anything like that why does he want them? Another part of me thinks that when u move on and fall in love with someone else you get to a certain point in life where u shouldn’t want to hold on to those things. Obviously he’s always gonna have memories of her and remember her but why keep all that if he’s so in love and happy with me? Am I looking at this wrong? I know jealousy isn’t attractive, I know it causes issues. Trust me I’ve tried to shut this shit
Off and stop trippen, but I can’t. Im working on it but it’s definitely not going well.
I don’t see anything wrong with keeping memories of past loves. They allow us to remember a past we once had. That doesn’t mean we haven’t moved on. Him throwing them away isn’t going to make him love you more or love you less. But you’re also not his wife so it’s pretty ballsy of you to want him to throw away things from his past. And, if you’re this insecure in the relationship, maybe you should move on?
No one is the AH.
YTA. They’re just letters. Why are you giving them so much power? You might be ruining a good relationship. Unless he’s bringing her or the letters up, you need to let this go and enjoy your relationship.
YTA. People have memories.
Even if you get this guy to toss the photos, that won’t change his feelings for this girl in fact his feelings for you will be affected because he will resent you and she will be in a better light.
YTA. As long as he’s not using them to masturbate over, just let it go. My partner and I have been together for many years and each have old love letters from ex lovers. Mine remind me of being young and stupid; he keeps his because he just keeps everything.
Soft YTA
I get it. I don’t like having reminders of my partner’s ex or hearing about her. Full transparency, it’s probably all jealousy.
That said, I was married for 20 years. 75% of the time, I am indifferent about him because I know he’s probably miserable. The other 25% I legitimately hate him and wish nothing good for him. I know I need to work on that. I do, however, still have letters and old albums of our family. I don’t look at them or cry over them, it’s just to me a reminder of how mostly our relationship started off. Every time I run across them, I get rid of more. I can honestly say I have no warm fuzzies about him at all. If my house burned down, I wouldn’t be like “oh the letters!!” I probably wouldn’t even remember they were there to be honest.
However, NTA if he brings them out or has them somewhere easily accessible so he can reminisce. That’d be weird.
First loves are different than other relationships. They tend to hold a special place in our hearts. Every now and again I come across some old photos of my first girlfriend. Can’t bring myself to throw them away even though she is the reason I have a complex about liars now.
The only other picture I’ve kept of myself and another ex is one where we are sitting on the couch looking at each other while holding her son. That was definitely a moment where I was just happy. That relationship turned into an utter shitshow, but for a brief window it was beautiful.
I don’t want anything to do with these women. I don’t ask mutual acquaintances about them. I don’t look them up on social, but to get rid of those little memories feels like l would be tearing out a part of myself I guess. Give him time. Maybe one day he’ll get rid of them. For now, focus on the fact that he is with you and not her. If he starts talking about how great she was and how much is misses her, then start to worry.
Yta. Listen I’m the type of person if I break up with someone I erase their existence from my life however I understand some people enjoy their fond memories it’s apart of their life unless he’s constantly reading them I’d say you need to get over it it’s probably just memories for him.
YTA. He could throw away the letters but it won’t change the past.
YTA. Stop being insecure. It’s his past. Look, I’m someone that never throws away letters, including from exes. Doesn’t matter if the breakup was amicable or harsh. It’s just that is MY past, doesn’t really have a lot to do with the exes. Those letters are part of the story of my life. In your BF’s case, that’s his first love. That’s an important chapter to his story. Just leave it be. He loves YOU. If you guys make it long-term, you will be the most important chapter to his story — you’ll be most of the book of his life. Be secure in that.
Info: how old are you/he? How long ago did they break up? How long have you been together?
YTA
“Over” does not mean “Doesn’t matter anymore”
The past has value to our present. He not only has the *right* to his keepsakes as a way of linking back to significant people/events from his past, but he *should* keep them. It’s normal and healthy. You’re wrong to even consider pushing him to discard them to quell your own insecurities.
You can’t compete with a persons past, and attempting to do so is a good way to lose your place in their future.
If he is treating you worse, if he keeps mentioning her, if he has the pictures and letters displayed clearly, then your concerns are valid. If it’s just because you see signs of the one that got away, yet he is with you, present, loving, respectful and caring, then you’re jealous of a sentimental memory.
He is right, he shouldn’t have to throw things away for someone he just met who is feeling insecure.
YTA.
Got a hot take here, but personally, I love my ex. Fully over her, with someone else and never going back in a million years. But I still treasure the time we spent together, I still think she’s an amazing person, and I want the best for her.
We weren’t compatible. That doesn’t mean I hate her, or that I regret the time I spent with her. I stull care about her. I’m keeping those love letters and pictures. They still matter to me.
I think maturity is realizing that it’s not a competition. There is no perfection and there is no winning. It’s about loving and understanding people. And when you really love someone and understand them, I don’t get how you could ever hate them or kick them to the curb. You acknowledge that they are incompatible with you, go your separate ways, and wish them the best.