So, my family consists of my mom, my older brother, and me. My brother and i never had the best relationship, ever since i can remember i could sense that he had a sort of resentment of me, he was always rude, not in a siblings way, more like cruel.
about 2 years ago, he made plans with my mom to go on a trip to the beach, and when my mom asked what about me he said “well shes not invited” i was a little hurt about that, everyone i told that my mom and brother were going on vacation would ask “why aren’t they taking you?” and i would just say “well i wasn’t invited”
Now, this December we were having dinner and my mom asked what are we going to do for Christmas this year, my brother said he was planning on going to another city in our country with friends, to which my mom said she loved that city and she wanted to go, i said yeah that sounds great i haven’t been in a long time, and he said okay, we are doing that.
the trip was going to be on the 25th until the 28th
i don’t know why, call it intuition but i didn’t get too excited about it.
Then one day my mom tells me that my brother said i couldn’t go on the trip, because there was no space for me in the car. again i was hurt but it didn’t surprise me, i said okay, well have fun.
i know in America and more countries christmas is celebrated the 25th mostly, but in my country it is also celebrated the 24th at night, so as i was reasoning, i was thinking, well at least we are spending Christmas night together.
then a couple days after my mom starts implying that it would be easier if i spend christmas night with other relatives.
at this point i was really upset, and my mom noticed it, so she changed her mind later that day and said we are spending christmas together. but i was already really hurt so i decided to do what they initially wanted me to do and go spend Christmas with some relatives.
my mom was upset when i told her, acting like i am the mean one because now i refuse to spend christmas with them when they evidently do not care if i do
to be clear, because i dont want any rude comments cause i am not doing great right now and im very sensitive, i do not care about the trip itself, i just feel left out and sad, i would never plan a trip with just my mom, we are a family. but thats just me, i dont know if im exaggerating, but the feeling of disappointment and sadness that i have is real.
Your brother is an AH but so is your Mum. Spend Christmas with those that care x
NTA. And if your mother is upset at you, you need to have a talk about how your brother keeps making it clear that he does not want you present and she goes along with it, so it makes you feel unwanted and not welcome. Why would you want to go where you’re not wanted?
NTA I don’t know why you mom is enabling your brother’s behavior and is ok with excluding you in what should be family events? As the adult/parent she should know better than to make plans then cancel then make plans and expect the other person to feel wanted?
NTA – clearly your bro set the tone by excluding you and your mom didnt do much better including you either so spend the holidays with your other relatives as planned and while you’re there maybe make plans to return for the next xmas and enjoy yourself.
You are welcome at my house.
Christmas is supposed to be warm, not a constant reminder that you’re the extra seat with no space. You didn’t ruin anything, you just chose peace over feeling unwanted.
NTA. Your mom is upset because she realized she should be feeling guilty for what she did, and you’re not letting her off the hook. Good. Don’t.
NTA OP. Your brother is an A and your mom is an enabler.
Why do families do this? Find a family.
No i understand I haven’t spent the holiday with a family member in four years I don’t need the drama I suggest you go the movies it’s empty or get Chinese food
NTA.
Your mom is perfectly content excluding you to spend the holiday with only your brother. Make it standard to spend the holiday with people who actually *want* to be with you going forward.
Don’t waste time thinking of being included in your mom’s plans. She changed her mind this time because she felt guilty about treating you like crap.
NTA You mother sounds like she’s been brainwashed by your brother. See if you can talk privately with her about how hurtful it’s been when you’ve been intentionally excluded. Ultimately your mom’s responsible because she allowed your brother to become this entitled and mean. They both owe you a big apology but you’ll never get one from your brother and frankly not your mom either. Good luck.