So, this is a long story with a lot of context. I have to get into the background so my point can be totally understood. Bear with me.
From 2023-2025 I dated this man who turned out to be really abusive, but I moved away from friends and family for this man and when I came to accept that he was infact abusive, I had no finances of my own. I was stuck living with him and often had to get drunk to be able to handle the pain he dished out to me.
Fast forward to when I finally left him.
I moved back to the town I had been living in before where all my friends were and my job, which I am an exotic dancer, so thankfully my contract was still valid. Unfortunately In my depressed state I turned to self medicating and quickly became addicted to a substance that began to run my life.
About 3-4 months of living on my own, I was using a kinky dating app and met this man whom I connected with pretty quickly and realized we meshed in a lot of ways. I told him, I did not want to become anything serious as I was too damaged and needed to heal. Mind you, this man is married. He told me his wife would never know about me specifically but she knows he sleeps around. So we could just have fun and not get attached. We will call this man Mason.
Before I met Mason, I was seeing someone else every other weekend, we’d get together for satisfying fun adult time in a hotel. We will call this man Dustin.
Mason tried to get me to cut Dustin off even though we weren’t supposed to be anything serious. Then I found out that Mason had lied to me about his wife knowing anything. So I continued to see Dustin with out Mason knowing.
Mason eventually found out and lost his shit, calling me a cheater and heartless, etc.
Mason will go through my phone and message people off of it. He’s had me remove basically all my friends from my life and whenever I do anything outside of my house, it is always met with accusations about infidelity or drug use or drinking.
I’m 40 days sober and it isn’t getting any easier when every time I do something I’m accused of being the worst. When things are good with Mason they are really good, but lately, I feel like I’m just this sexually exploited object to him. He switches his phone screen every time I come in the room. He doesn’t focus on my climax at all in bed, it is all about his climax.
If I argue a point with him, he’s always right and I am always wrong. He says him cheating on his wife doesn’t count for me to bring up because he isn’t cheating on me so me seeing Dustin isn’t comparable.
Am I crazy here or should I leave this man?
You should leave every man in your life and heal.
Thankfully I am in therapy and have a psych doctor
Good. You need a break from the repeat cycles of putting up with BS in your life. Healing will give you boundaries never to cross again. Healing can sometimes hurt and be lonely- but its part of the process sometimes. Take care of yourself before you expect others to.
But yet you are here on Reddit asking for advice.
Stop. Looking. For. Reasons. To. Hurt. Yourself.
I’ll bet the psychologist isn’t telling you to sleep with a married man who controls you and lies to you while you are dating someone else.
Why are you looking for permission here to stay with him?
Leave him now. He’s controlling, abusive and a liar. Get a restraining order against him and leave him for your safety now. You seem to be in a pattern of choosing one abusive man which is the trap lot of abuse survivors get into. Get a restraining order, get clean for good and stay off men/ partners until you are healed, else you’ll keep making the wrong choice
Thankfully now that I have been through withdrawal and have had a clean clear mind, I am thoroughly thankful for sobriety and attend N.A. 2-3xs a week. Therapy once a week.
Isn’t this even a serious question? Leave him. Have some self respect and stop sleeping with married men.
Girl, he is a MARRIED man. That will tell you everything you need to know about him. I promise!!
Leave now and get more serious with your sobriety.
Focus on that not this fucking nonsense.
I just started my sober journey, I attend N.A. and therapy weekly.
Good. Keep going. Talk to your sponsor.
Keep your peace. Keep your focus. Keep your sobriety.
Ditch the shitshow that are the remnants of you old life or they WILL suck you back into the void.
I think you’re in the wrong subreddit. It seems like you want advice on what to do. Not to know if you’re the asshole or not. At any rate, run away from this man!
My goodness, why are you doing this to yourself?
Stop dating controlling men! Stop moving for them! Stop accepting the fact that these jerks don’t treat you well.
YTA, but only to yourself.
Get some self-respect and stop having sex with people who treat you like crap. Maybe stop having sex all together until you get into a better situation professionally and are more independent.
Ask yourself why you date anyone. Is it for validation? Validate yourself first. Then look for a guy who will appreciate and respect you and if they don’t…DO NOT DATE THEM.