Like many large state schools, my college hands out a certain number of graduation guest tickets per family, with leftover tickets only being requestable closer to the day of. I gave my extended family a heads up about the ticket limit already, to which they all seemed to understand. However, I didn’t expect to not have enough to accomodate my immediate family, and feel like it’s a lose-lose situation
The predicament is that I am only allotted 4 tickets, but I have my mom, my stepdad, my dad, my stepmom, and two younger brothers (16 and 21). My stepdad and stepmom have been in my life since I was 15 and 12 respectively, so I couldn’t imagine them not part of this. My two younger brothers and I are very close, and both have expressed wanting to be a part of my graduation too. On top of that, I also have my boyfriend of 4 years who I am getting engaged to this summer and moving in to live with(he graduated last year from a different college, and my mom and I attended his graduation ceremony).
In total, I have 7 super important people I want at my graduation, but I just can’t guarantee tickets for everyone. I reached out about this already to my convocation coordinator, and her only response was that extra tickets may be available on a first-come first-serve basis the week leading up. I’ve also reached out to friends and people in my major to see if anyone for sure could guarantee to let me buy an extra ticket from them, but no luck.
Even if I can buy an extra ticket or two, there seems to be no good option of how to divide them up. I’m also between a rock and a hard place because my divorced parents are not totally civil with one another, and no matter what I say, things must be "equal" for them or I’ll face total chaos. I don’t want to have to tell any of them they can’t come, but I need to give everyone a heads up ASAP because hotel rooms are already getting booked up in my college town and the longer they wait, the harder it will be for all of us.
I am so stressed just trying to finish my last semester of school and this is the very last thing I want to think of, let alone be a part of and have to delegate. This whole ordeal makes me not even want to go to my graduation. WIBTA if I told my family about the 4 ticket limit and asked them to come to an agreement amongst themselves of who will be attending?
You’re in a tough spot. I think it would be a good idea to get them all on a call together via Zoom and lay it out just like you did here. One thing I will say – if he’s going to be your spouse, he should be there.
Honestly, the ceremony really means most to your parents. And your fiancé. Give the fourth ticket back.
Frankly, with a contentious family, it would be tempting to tell them all you’ll see them at the graduation party.
Since you mention a contentious relationship between your parents, I don’t think the “work it out amongst yourselves” tactic is going to go well for any of you.
You definitely have 4 tickets, and your parents are really upset when things aren’t “fair” between them. So assuming everyone wants to come – start with your parents and two siblings. Try to get 3 extra tickets if you can. If you can get 3, invite everyone. If you can get 2, invite the step parents. If you can get 1, invite your partner. Since it sounds like your parents would throw fits if one step parent was invited and not the other. This also solves the hotel room situation – your parents would each get their own room – if their spouses can join or not it won’t change the hotel rooms needed, and your partner (I assume?) can stay with you if he can attend. That way the 4 people definitely coming can make hotel arrangements and any plus-ones you’re able to add in will stay with someone already there.
Tell them you love them all and want them all to be there, but the ticket situation is simply out of your hands – and the best way they can show support to you (which they are all saying they want to do) is to accept this situation graciously and not add more blame or shame or stress to your life unnecessarily.
If anyone wants to kick up a fuss they can decline to attend and you’ll have one less ticket you have to try to get.
Tough situation, but a common one – NAH, good luck!
Have guaranteed tickets for your mom, dad, fiancé and one brother. Have your brothers draw straws. Keep trying to get an extra ticket for your other brother. If you happen to get three extra tickets great. If only two extra tickets become available only take the one for your brother and don’t mention the second ticket availability because inviting one step parent would be a disaster. Make reservations for a meal after graduation for the entire family. All the adults should pay for their own meals, you should offer to pay for your younger brother. Tell everyone if they give you any grief about this plan, they are uninvited and the ticket is going to your other brother or being given away.
This is a perfect strategy.
NAH I would give ticket to your mom, dad and partner and give the last one up if you don’t get more the week before. You will be able to celebrate with everyone else after. The other option could just be bio parents and brothers but I would want to prioritize my partner being there and I’d hope they’d do the same
That’s a hard situation. The fact that there’s conflict between you mother and father makes it harder.
I think the hardest part of this may be just accepting that you can’t invite everybody, which might help you agonize less over the fact that some people won’t be able to come (because you have no idea if extra tickets will become available), help you stop thinking about the fact that you and your mom went to your bf’s graduation, etc. It’s simply out of your control.
Leaving everyone to choose may put unfair pressure on all those people, especially if there’s conflict between you parents.
My suggestion would be to invite your bio parents and 2 brothers, because it makes a certain kind of sense. It’s immediate family (however close you feel to your stepparents and boyfriend). You’ll be treating your parents equally. Neither brother will be left out, which is important.
Or, and I’m not sure this is a good idea, what if you did a kind of raffle? Just put all their names in a hat and choose 4. Could that result in a grouping that won’t work?
The bottom line is everyone is an adult (except your brothers), and they understand this is beyond your control.
***Don’t*** *think of it as a lose-lose situation!* While it’s difficult, you’re marking a big achievement, and you’ll get to have at least 4 of the most important people in your life there. And the others can join you for a separate celebration. No one’s life will be ruined. It will just be unfortunate that you couldn’t get more tickets. They all know how important they are to you, and you can certainly tell them again. Don’t let yourself remove the enjoyment from your own graduation!
I was in a similar situation and the people that couldn’t come we’re all waiting outside the auditorium and all of us went for a celebration meal together
Over the meal, the ones who came into the celebration show all the photographs and video footage and it was just a fabulous day
That’s what I’m thinking.
NAH. It’s a tough spot but no one is doing anything shitty.
Your parents have guaranteed spots. If you are totally sure you are going to be engaged to your bf soon then he is also guaranteed a spot.
Your step parents are the last on the list. It’s your brothers where things get dicey. If the 21 year old is 100% able to go then I’d probably give it to him. I’d do this because the 16 year old would share a room with a parent but the 21 year old would need their own most likely. So, they’d have to plan more whereas the 16 year old can just tag along if another ticket becomes available. But you could leave that to drawing straws or them figuring it out among themselves, just slate it for a brother and not a step parent.
I would pick mom, dad, fiancé, and one brother (They can draw straws). That would be equal for the parents since neither spouse is invited. If they have a fit, ask if they love you more than their disdain for one another.
Step parents should politely take a backseat , blood firstvIF you are close to them !! And you sound like you are, that leaves boyfriend without ticket – keep campaigning for extras but he can certainly understand that your family has more emotions backing you and he’s got your future to take glory or credit for ..he coukd gang either way steps til afterward
NTA, let your parents sort it out.