Hey everyone, I’m looking for some clarity because me and my friend genuinely don’t know if we’ve done something wrong or if this situation is as weird as it feels.
A couple months ago, eight of us talked about going on a holiday to the Gold Coast. Five of us have lived together for three years, and at the time me and my best friend Talia said we were a bit worried about the cost because it seemed expensive. But we never said we wouldn’t go, just that we’d want to talk about it properly as a group and figure it out.
Then later on, me and Talia walked in on our two other roommates talking about the holiday like it was already fully planned. We were confused and asked about it, and they told us they had been told that we “couldn’t come.” That was the first we heard of it, and no one had spoken to us directly.
One of our roommates had been really involved in organising it, and she was also the only one who knew the dates they chose were dates I couldn’t attend. I messaged her just asking about it and said I wasn’t angry, just confused.
She didn’t reply all day and later asked me to talk in her room. She immediately got defensive and said me and Talia must feel negatively toward her if we would accuse her of excluding us, which I hadn’t done. She started crying and raising her voice and said other people planned it. But it didn’t really make sense because people had already been told we “couldn’t come,” and she was the only one who knew about my date conflict.
The next day I walked into the kitchen and she was talking to Talia, but she was misrepresenting what I had said and making it sound like I blamed Talia. When I corrected her, she accused us of ganging up on her, which felt unfair because it honestly felt like the opposite. It felt like the whole group had already been told a version of events about us.
She also said “you’re overreacting, who cares that you weren’t invited,” while crying and raising her voice. We ended it by asking if we were okay, and she said yes.
It’s now been two weeks and she avoids us, ignores us in shared spaces, and has been passive aggressive like slamming doors and moving our stuff. The other girls act normal sometimes but it still feels off.
We’re all moving out in three months, but it’s made living here really uncomfortable. We honestly just want to know if we did something wrong, because from our perspective we just asked questions and somehow everything changed.
EDIT: any advice on what we could do to change the situation or how to get over the awkward icy atmosphere would be much appreciated x
NTA. I would move out sooner and stick them with the bill.
NTA.
She told you you were overreacting because she got caught. Classic DARVO. Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.
She denied she was to blame.
She attacked you as overreacting.
She cried and raised her voice like she was the victim.
She is being passive aggressive ( or just aggressive) to paint you as the offender)…
Which has worked inasmuch that you are here asking AITA.
Be glad this is ending soon.
NTA. Would you even want to go with her now, given her attitude and passive aggressive behavior? A trip with her sounds stressful.
I’d definitely recommend making sure to secure your valuables though. Wouldn’t want your roommate to get access to those.
NTA
She is manipulative and twisted, I hope life gives her a slap of reality
NTA. The roommate organizing the trip is trouble, she talks behind other people’s backs and changes her story depending on who she is talking to. Who knows what other drama she’s caused over the years, you may just be more aware of this instance because you are the target.
I don’t think you try to make things right here. I think you and Talia start planning your own budget-friendly trip and let the others know it’s not meant to be a competing trip but you’re planning your own because you weren’t invited on the other one and they are welcome to join if they want.