AITA?
I (38F) am engaged to my fiancée (31F) after a whirlwind romance having met 6 months ago. I have two primary school aged neurodivergent children with complex needs.
I was married to someone I was in a relationship with for 15years. We separated and I took over the huge mortgage so the kids and I could stay in the house. I work part time around my caring responsibilities for my children.
My fiancée and I have been looking to downsize for multiple reasons. We have a viewing soon for a property that I will most likely be able to buy outright after selling my current home or would have a very small mortgage.
Today she said matter that she wanted to be on the deeds to the new house. I don’t feel comfortable with this.I would be purchasing the home. She feels she has contributed to the current mortgage (I disagree but even if so, it’s very little as we have only been dating for 6months) and would do so again if I had a small mortgage in my name.
I trust her and love her but I have been burned before and didn’t see that coming either. She feels I am being toxic and controlling. I feel like I am just trying to protect my financial stability and my children’s inheritance.
So AITA?
NOPE!!!!
NTA
You have known each other 6 months. If this doesn’t work out (in the short term at least), you do not want to hand over half your home, do you?
You need to think of your children first and foremost.
Get a pre-nup. If ‘whirlwind’ doesn’t like it, then at least you find out now.
NTA, and you might want to hit the brakes on that whirlwind romance for a bit (i.e. have a long engagement) to actually get to know her before you marry her…
Do not do this – do not do this
And further more – do not do this
Yikes NTA but now we see why we don’t get engaged after 6 months
>a whirlwind romance having met 6 months ago
>Today she said matter that she wanted to be on the deeds to the new house
>She feels I am being toxic and controlling
Huge red flag here.
You’re in the honeymoon phase. Everything is wonderful. And then once you say no *she goes straight to calling you toxic and controlling.*
I’d call off that engagement, halt the selling/buying process, and re-think your life situation with this person.
NTA
Yes! A massive red flag…you protecting your children’s home translates in her mind to ‘toxic and controllling’? Please ask her to explain this.
Do not marry someone you’ve only known for 6 months.
You’re still dating each other’s PR agents at that stage.
Good grief.
This ☝🏾. You can care for someone, but it takes at least 1 year to KNOW someone.
Get a prenup that covers whatever she contributes (even 5%) over the life of your marriage. Tell her it’s transpancy for both of you. It could protect either ofyou both in case one of you is incapacitated or if you don’t have a will because it shows intent.
Be clear on what contribu5ing means. Is it just the mortgage or does it include other bills for the house like utilities or repairs? If she pays any of that she should get credit for it.
Also just because you can cover the cost doesn’t mean you have to handle all of it on your own. Add her contribution to the prenup as a sign of trust (if you ultimately marry her) as a sign of trust. Having her chip in will make her less of a roommate with benefits and more of a life partner.
If she protests, you can be sure she’s in it for the money/house.
And if you can’t be flexible you don’t need to marry her or anyone else. Projecting your past onto someone law isn’t fair to either of you or to your kids.
Helping pay for utilities and small expenses would be rent. That isn’t contributing to the mortgage
6 months and you are looking into buying a house together….. Please give your head a wobble and ask yourself why you are rushing like this????? This whole scenario is so ill thought-out and hasty.
DONT YOU DAREEEEE DO THIS. You don’t even know her yet come on now.
You have two kids with special needs and you got engaged after 6 months. Yikes.
YTA
OP: ‘I’ve been burned before’
Also OP: ‘I’m going to touch this hot stove again’
What…you’re moving in with someone you met SIX MONTHS ago with your elementary-aged children?! YTA for that alone, to your kids. Don’t move your kids in with a person that you JUST met, what in the world, sis?