I (29 m) used to friends online that I would hang out with, and would play VR games with. One of them, Kenny (21m), actively has heart problems, so all of us used to be careful around him and not cause too much excitement. After a falling out caused by a bad mistake with a different group, other people in the friend group didn’t want to hang out with me as much, but Kenny still stuck around because he knew I was more than my mistakes. I appreciated it, and I still want to be his friend.
Thing is, last year in January, before the drama and mistakes, I paid Kenny $100 to do an avatar for me. He needed money, and at the time I was able to help. Admittedly, I paid him $80 to do the commission, but I had to pay him $20 to focus on the other avatar he was making as a gift for my birthday, as he has terrible memory habits. He gets easily distracted by new projects he wants to do, and I knew about this, so the $20 that turned it into an $100 commission was incentive.
He showed he could do an avatar in about 40 days time, a bit longer or so, and I was satisfied with what he showed with the gift avatar. Now, on to the commissioned one, right? Well, he had fires in his neighborhood, tornadoes, and had a health scare with his heart at the latter end of the year – something I didn’t know until I tried to confront him last year. Not to mention I find out recently that when he had a problem occur that made him lose a lot of his work on his avatars and things he was working on, my commission was amongst them. This I found out in January 2026.
It’s officially been over a year now. I haven’t seen anything for the commission. I know, technically I lost $80, and some would say “it’s just $80. Kenny’s your friend.” But I wanted him to do the piece because I like his work, and I wanted to help a friend get money for food and necessities. I don’t want to be taken advantage of in my consideration for his health and me trying to help him when he needed it, but I also know that there’s a chance that he’s genuinely forgotten again due to recently being out of the hospital back in December.
AITA for considering asking for my money back when Kenny’s in a terrible financial situation, and recently got out of the hospital a few months ago? I’d rather he just do the avatar.
>I’d rather he just do the avatar.
INFO: When is the last time you followed up with him about it? Can you bring it up again?
“Hey man, I know life has been really shitty for you lately. I hope you’re doing ok and want to wish you well. I also want to discuss the avatar I commissioned from you a year ago. It’s been long enough I’m feeling some resentment here and I’d like to find a resolution. Do you think you are able to get this done some time soon?”
I contacted him in January, had a talk. Gave him a deadline again since he seemed to be good with working under them. Told him early February… I wouldn’t be making this post if he did it by then.
100%. Remind him, and get the value for your money. That is the best outcome.
Otherwise, I’ve done something, which is, Remind that person they owe you. They will leave you alone. For the cheap price of $100. Good enough.
And, if they keep coming around, just keep reminding him. He will either
1. Pay you back.
2. Give you the avatar
3. Avoid you.
All good outcomes
NTA.
Sick or not, you should always lend someone back money in a situation like this. It’s understandable if he doesn’t want to return the money yet considering he’s in a bad financial situation but he should’ve considered him asking for money before getting in a bad situation in the first place.
Which is more important: bring his friend, or getting your avatar/money back?
You’re nta for wanting your money/what you paid for but you’re going to have to have a difficult conversation with him and it may not go the way you want. Money is difficult.
Are you an A H for asking for money back that you are owed … probably not. However, given the amount is small, the friendship this guy previously showed you when others didn’t, and his situation the phrase “with friends like you who needs enemies” comes to mind.
It’s $100 … I wouldn’t ask someone I didn’t like for the money if I knew they were in that situation let alone a friend.
Yeah, I’ve wanted to wait patiently and I’ve been. It just hurts when I see he’s doing other projects for pages he runs. I don’t want to take away from his hobby time either, but he could’ve already had the work done by now, and he hasn’t. (To be clear, the other projects he’s showing he’s working on are hobby-related, as far as I know. I don’t think he’s making money on them.)
If you think $100 is worth more than a friend who sticks around after you make a mistake when the others don’t then you clearly don’t know the value of a friend.
I’ve been waiting a year for something he’s shown he can do in a month and a half deadline.
I don’t think he’s worth less than the $100, I thought that he was worth putting the money towards to help, get money. Make sure he has food.
I had hoped that I could receive what I was ordering from him, or if things had came up and things changed, he could come to me and be upfront. Say it was impossible. I would’ve been able to just say it’s fine and not bother since he was straightforward.
I didn’t learn about how he lost the files for my commission all the way back in August or May until I spoke to him in January.
Remind him more about the avatar. Pushing on that is better than asking for the money back, for both him and you. NAH.
(If you do ask for the money back, or threaten to ask for it, you may or may not get the money, but youʻll definitely lose the friendship.)
I dunno, I would wait, but I usually assume when I’m loaning money or giving someone money, I won’t see it back. This is different, he hasn’t finished what you paid him for.
Does he have money, though?
To my knowledge, no. He actively works in DJ jobs, amongst other side gigs.
Hearing he gets hospitalized scares me because his health, obviously, but I also worry if he can even afford the visits.
Dang this is a tough one, I’m a big softie so I’d probably just let it slide, and never give him and form of money. Ever.
I think your friend is being a little selfish by not prioritizing your project, though. I think your concerns are completely legit, but your friend does have a heart problem and showed you loyalty when your other friends left, do you think that was worth $100? To me, loyalty is priceless.