My sister got married 2 years ago. The wedding planning for her wedding took about 2 years and throughout the 2 year planning period, every time my now fiancé and I would see my sister and my parents, every conversation revolved around the wedding. We did get engaged the year before their wedding and were told to hold off on wedding plans until after my sister got married. We obliged. Now, we are in the year of our wedding. My sister announced she is pregnant a few weeks before Christmas and will be due 3 months before our wedding which is in October. Part of me is hurt because now I don’t get my own moment like she had because it is being overshadowed. Additionally, we are having a no kids wedding. My sister thinks she is the exception to this and assumed her baby would be able to come. Once we let her and my mom know that we are having a no kids wedding, I was told I am being selfish. We compromised and offered a solution that her baby can be a part of the ceremony and pictures but would leave after that as we are not allowing anyone else in the bridal party to bring their kids. Am I the asshole in this situation?
this is your moment. Enjoy it congratulations. Don’t fold on exceptions.
NTA. Sounds like the world revolves around your sister in your family. Sorry you are dealing with this.
nta, your sister’s clearly used to everything being about her and it shows
NTA. You already waited years for her wedding, a no-kids rule is reasonable, and you even offered a compromise. Wanting one day to be about your marriage isn’t selfish, it’s fair
NTA.
Your wedding. Your moment. No exceptions.
If she refuses to leave baby home (with her MIL or hubby), she wont attend wedding. That will be her ultimatum. Your response should be “you will be missed, but we understand.”
Well, I think we know who the Golden Child is.
NTA. While it is typical in my circle/ family that immediate nieces and nephews usually get a pass this is your weddings, your rules.
Just keep in mind that planning a child free wedding also means you have to be cool with people not coming due to childcare of kids being too young to stay with a sitter, etc.
Congratulations and best of luck with keeping the drama as minimal as possible.
This honestly sounds like a you problem. Your sister was obnoxious making everything about her for 2 years but you went along with it. You could have steered conversations away from the wedding. You could have said we aren’t waiting to plan our wedding. You could have been planning all along. Her child will be your niece or nephew. Be happy! Do you really want to be obnoxious like your sister? ESH
I don’t think there is an AH here. Sure it kinda stinks to feel overshadowed, but timing is what it is and you can’t expect your sister to wait to have kids until after you get married. If you really have a problem with a 3 month old at your reception I would say to expect your sister to respectfully bow out after the ceremony and photos. I probably wouldn’t leave my 3 month old if I were nursing—it’s uncomfortable (engorgement) and it’s a pain in the ass (pumping, bottle training.) Maybe for an hour or so, but it’s really just not as easy as people are making it seem. It’s her first baby, so you’ll have to expect her to not want to be separated. Hopefully you can both be mature about it if she makes that decision. As long as that’s fine, so be it. The day is about you and your new husband so carry on and do it the way you want.
Now, all that said, I personally think there’s a big difference between a 3 month old and “kids”. “Kids” run around and are annoying and want to leave and hide under the tables and sneak wine and dance and crave attention and are me, me, me. 3 month olds sleep in baby carriers and occasionally need to be nursed. But you do you!
NTA. Babies don’t “overshadow” weddings, but your sister expecting an exception definitely does. You waited your turn, set a clear no kids rule, and even compromised. That’s pretty reasonable. Wanting one day to be about you isn’t selfish, it’s normal. Boundaries aren’t a personal attack.
Since your sister’s baby will be so young, she may want him or her nearby. So think about whether you can arrange to have a room, maybe part of your bridal suite??–where the baby can be with a sitter of your sister’s choice so she can go in and out, checking on the baby. The baby will likely be sleeping a good part of the time anyway.
Honestly your moment is your wedding day. You don’t get a wedding year. You don’t have to see others happy news events as “overshadowing” your wedding. Your sister is pregnant. Be happy for her. Just allow joy to spread. Be happy for everyone and you will have a greater life I promise you. Your wedding is important but you will have a lifetime of important events and so will other people. Choose to be gracious and just let it go. I hope you have a wonderful wedding.
With all the diseases going around right now, and the fact that baby is too young for all the vaccines, I’d be afraid to bring the kid to any crowded place — including a wedding.
That’s fine if you don’t want kids/babies there, but please understand that probably means your sister can’t come to the reception. Most 3-month olds are still nursing and can’t be away from mom for long without mom having to hide out in the bathroom and pump milk. Honestly, your sister will be exhausted and ready to go by then anyway, so it is actually a gift to her! Your view of her having a baby as overshadowing your wedding is fairly bizarre. Sounds like you are insecure and desperately fighting for glory from your family. I would reflect on why you are acting like she is having a baby AT you instead of just being thrilled for her.