Hello I work 3×12 (Thur-sat 6p-6A) hrs shifts a week while my fiance works 4x 10s (Sunday-wed 7a-5p) all days off are on the days we work so we barley see each other. We are unable to change our work schedule…..Anyway we got in an argument about how her family who lives in town wants to throw a Christmas party and wants me there for the holidays. Her family being in town and my family 2 hours away we see her family probably once every 2 months or more when we haven’t seen mine in over 3. I brought it up that id like her to see them before she moves to california for her new job (we currently live in FL and she got a great job offer in CA so she’ll move there by the end of the year and I will follow a few months after.) She’s hesitant on seeing my family because they disapprove of the move to CA it being even further away.
Whenever I bring up how she was able to plan a trip to Italy for a week with her mom and was able to get pto for that but gets stressed over bills and getting time off to see my family for a day. She responds with "My mom is paying for the flight I just pay for everything else".
She currently makes over 3x my rate and pays the rent and utilities while I pay for groceries. I am unable to apply to my previous career (Law enforcment) because by the time the hiring process is over (3-6 months) I’d only be working there for a couple months before moving to CA which would ruin any chance of employment for Law enforcement there since it’ll make me look terrible with short employment.
So I see it as I’m putting my whole life on hold for the prep for california (Not seeing family, not being able to get back into Law enforcment, and stuck in a low paying unappreciated job) While she is out here going on vacation. I just want her to do something with my family before she goes but when I explain this she brings up finances and how she pays the rent and how she doesnt have a lot of pto. It’s very demeaning and makes me feel like a bum when she says that.
I know she works hard and deserves a trip but it just seems like terrible timing and bad financial decisions especially since she is expected to move to california right after Christmas with nothing prepped.
Am I being oversensitive?
She wants to see your mom, you want to see your family. Spend time with your own families before you move.
Your family wants to see you more than they want to see her. Go see them before you move.
EXACTLY!!!
It seems to be all about doing what she wants to do. Consider this carefully before following her across the country.
NTA
The best thing that may happen to op is the few month separation, so op can see life without her. NTA op, but seriously a relationship is a partnership, it’s we not i, right now it looks like 2 separate i. Her money is her money, your money is her money…. Edit: better word is time, her time is her time, your time is her time.
Yea you might want to think about this move or have a serious conversation with her because the resentment is building in both of you.
NTA.
The problem here is she doesn’t respect you. That’s all.
NTA she doesn’t respect you as evidenced by her using paying the bills over your head, not caring to see your family and not taking your feeling into consideration. That will only continue in California and probably be worse there as you will be isolated. Why don’t you stay and do the law enforcement now? If you are still meant to be in a year or so move then.
After probation and the dept mini academy id already plan to be in Cali. If you don’t finish probation after being hired on its very difficult to get rehired.
That sounds like a crappy way to live