I’m 28M and I just got out of a four year relationship about six months ago. Since then, a lot has changed in my life. Not just dating, but me as a person.
I’ve really been focused on leveling up. I’m pursuing my education, taking opportunities seriously, and trying to build something solid for myself. I have stability now. A house, a car, steady income. I help my family when I can. Overall, I’m in a way better position than I was in college.
But here’s what’s weird to me.
When I was broke in college, I had no problem meeting women. Things felt natural. Now that I actually have my life together, it feels harder to find someone I genuinely connect with.
The women I meet now often seem more interested in what I can provide than who I am. It feels like I’m expected to pour way more into them than they pour into me. I’m not trying to buy love or be someone’s provider right away. I just want something mutual. Something real.
So I’m honestly trying to figure out if this is just dating in your late 20s or if something changed in me. Maybe my energy is different. Maybe I’m more serious. Maybe my standards are higher. I don’t know.
I don’t want to become bitter or guarded. I just want to understand what’s going on and grow from it.
I would appreciate real advice.
NTA
College girls just want to have fun because they have no obligations beyond schoolwork. The “real world” is just a mythical land outside the campus bubble that they live inside. But now you are dating women who have been slapped in the face by reality, so they have to judge men based on qualities beyond cheekbones, muscles, and whether his frat is compatible with their sorority.
Anyway, just keep putting yourself out there and filter out the shallow types.
It is easier dating in college because most college students don’t have a lot of money and they tend to just want fun and experiment. Sadly this does change when getting older, woman do tend to make sure a guy can provide but that doesn’t mean that everything should be on you. If that is all you experienced so far then you just haven’t found the right one yet. Also it is normal that we raise our standards when we achieve more nothing wrong with that, saying that it means that when someone is finding out what you offer it is best you do the same. Sorry I am no dating expert, just trying to give my opinion. Maybe someone will respond that knows more. Best of luck
This is a better question for the relationship advice sub.
Don’t become bitter, its very unattractive.
I can ensure you there are lots of great women out there who find success attractive but who also want a genuine connection.
Level up your personality too and you will meet them and if someone doesn’t have the right energy, just move on, C’est La Vie.
Dating will likelier never be easier than it was in college; you take a bunch of young people, mostly single, mostly the same age, and throw in a bubble where they have to live closeby and interact with each other all the time. It’s the perfect recipe for dating.
NAH. It just sounds like you’re growing up. Focusing on yourself is fantastic. There’s no need for anyone, make or female or both or neither, to have to be in a relationship at all times. You sound like a thoughtful person to me.
The reality is that many women (not all) who are your age are hearing the clock ticking and are looking for marriage and babies: if not now then in the near future. They want to find a man who is a grown-up. Not just a provider, but someone who wants an equal partnership. Someone who will be a great father, who cares about his partner and children more than his gaming or his golf.
It might seem to some men (the incel types) that “women only want a wallet” or whatever, but for us, the person you choose to be the father of your kids is literally the most important choice in your life. A kidult husband/father is a recipe for a life of misery.
If you aren’t ready to be a good family man yet, great…just be honest about it with yourself and any potential partners. Keep things casual. You’re still so very young, you might find women in their early 20s a better fit.
Where/how are you meeting people? Hobby groups are going to give you *much* better returns than parties.
Level up your social life, make friends. Be an interesting person who lives an interesting life! The rest will likely follow by itself.