So I’ve lived with my current flatmate for a few years now and we’ve been best friends (brother like) for half our lifetimes and a few months ago he got a girlfriend. This is the first time either of us have had a girlfriend whilst living together, I’m happy for them as they seem very happy together and she is also nice, she started staying over more frequently and we discussed boundaries and how often she could stay, I’ve copied and pasted the agreement
“Girlfriend week on (7-8 days but when it goes over into the 9th day flatmate is to pay me £37.50 per day girlfriend stays)
After girlfriend leaves for 1 week (7 days) then cycle repeats.
Exceptions for Christmas and birthdays.
Anything that goes outside of this agreement has to be communicated prior.”
Since then we’ve had an inspection of the flat and over-occupancy was flagged in the report, the landlord has said no more than a week at a time is fine but he called me to ask how I felt before making anything final, personally I feel she’s been around way more than agreed, and when I mention to him that she’d been staying longer than the 7 days (this time around) his response was “what do you want me to say to that?” I feel I’ve been more than fair but like I’m being used like a doormat, I like the flat that we live in and I like living with my flatmate but feel he’s being disrespectful.
Apologies for the long post but wanted to get as much info in as possible. Any advice would be appreciated.
INFO: The agreement was 8 days max, and then he has to pay you on the 9th+ day. You said “She’s been staying longer than the 7 days.” Is she staying past the 8th day mark, or only past 7 days?
Sorry should have clarified, the agreement that I copied and pasted was between us before the landlords inspection and him stating he wouldn’t be ok with anything over 7 days, since then that old agreement is void and we’ve been going off what the landlord said, I’m talking to my flatmate properly about it tomorrow night by wanted to know if I’m wrong for wanting the girlfriend to be round less, and should I involve the landlord since my flatmate doesn’t stick to either of the agreements we’ve had. Apologies should have double checked and post before posting.
I’ve copied and pasted this in the comments for others as well
You’re ok if she’s over for a week at a time but as long as she takes a break every now and then you’re cool with another week? I don’t understand this arrangement or the roommates issue with the agreement?
NTA.
> his response was “what do you want me to say to that?”
What an infuriating response. One could respond to any issue with this. It just shifts the burden of the issue onto you to solve without him being the bad guy.
It’s up to him to explain himself, and why he thinks he can violate the agreement you made, not up to you to give him what he is supposed to say to that.
That response didn’t make me angry and I’m going to bring it up with him when we discuss things tomorrow night. Hoping to get a more productive response when we talk.
>>when I mention to him that she’d been staying longer than the 7 days (this time around) his response was “what do you want me to say to that?”
Reply with: I want you to say this to your girlfriend:
>>Since then we’ve had an inspection of the flat and over-occupancy was flagged in the report, the landlord has said no more than a week at a time is fine
Sorry should have clarified, the agreement that I copied and pasted was between us before the landlords inspection and him stating he wouldn’t be ok with anything over 7 days, since then that old agreement is void and we’ve been going off what the landlord said, I’m talking to my flatmate properly about it tomorrow night by wanted to know if I’m wrong for wanting the girlfriend to be round less, and should I involve the landlord since my flatmate doesn’t stick to either of the agreements we’ve had. Apologies should have double checked and post before posting.
NTA for setting boundaries about how often you have to share space with his girlfriend. Can he not go over to her place sometimes? even if not they aren’t married she doesn’t need to be there for days at a time that’s a lot. That said the charging cash thing is weird, just set a hard boundary. a week at a time is too much IMO as is
She lives over 5 hours away which is why I was more lenient, the cash thing was more as a deterrent from going over the agreement. But I do agree that a week is too much as is, my main issue is him not sticking to the agreement and then getting defensive when I acknowledge it.
Yeah their relationship logistics are not your problem. again why can’t he go over to hers? its the same distance either way? is she not working either so she is just THERE nearly 100% of the time? cause if so you’re a saint for putting up with this much already. I’ve dated long distance the norm is you see each other a few days every few weeks at most, and this is when I lived alone! its hella intense to just move in together essentially and without actually making sure you’re cool with it
I think 7 days per month and those days can’t always be the weekends. Any more than that is too much.
NTA
NTA – you did not agree to share your flat with two other people – Tell him the landlord has flagged and you do not want her living with you. The whole number of days is just a game – so she stays 6 days leaves for a few and back again -she is still staying almost full time.
He needs to decide if he wants to move out and be with her –
In the future – a roommate agreement BEFORE you move in.