I had a best friend for a long time because our parents were friends in high school so we were family friends. As an angsty hormonal middle schooler, I found it very hard to control my emotions like lust and one time while at a sleepover I kissed her. It was incredibly uncool and she didn’t like it so it sucked and it was awful and made everything weird and uncomfortable and awful. Just really hard to even admit that part of my life happened bc it’s probably the worst thing I’ve ever done. eventually she forgave me and tried to make things go back to normal but I couldn’t stand that because in my mind I sexually harassed her so I just stopped trying to be her friend which I’m guessing only made it worse. A few days ago was her birthday and I wrote a birthday card for her and when I told her my card would come in late (bc I didn’t send it until 2 in the morning on her birthday) she said she was surprised and wasn’t even expecting a card bc last year I didn’t give her a present or card or anything bc I was in my ignore the problem phase. I really don’t understand why she still reaches out to me when I’m so obviously not worth the time or her friendship. I’m glad she stuck around though because I think I’ve finally forgiven myself which means our relationship will hopefully go back to normal instead of so uncomfortable.
NTA for sorting your own shit. Just remember that one of best things we can do for others to be gracious receivers of the gifts they give us. She gave you grace and forgiveness. Instead of kicking yourself for your past mistakes, keep trying to be the person she sees as worthy of those gifts. Be present for her and be grateful for her friendship. She wants you in her life. You’re clearly someone who means something to her even if it’s not romantically.
Damn, that’s sweet as hell. I’m not OP, but thanks. I needed to hear that too, I guess.
Thanks for saying that. Our lives don’t end when we make mistakes like this. So we have to make choices where we can do better and learn from what we did and go forward from there. I like to think of that as a hopeful thing about life. That we don’t try to make mistakes and even if we can’t fix the past, we can try our best to make sure the mistake we made was the last of its kind because we don’t want to hurt other people. All my best to you!
As an angsty middle-schooler, you kissed a friend who did not consent to being kissed. This was not OK, but the extent to which you’re excoriating yourself for it is out of proportion, particularly given how sorry your are, and that the friend has been reaching out to you, believing that you are worth her time and her friendship. Please accept this offer of friendship and forgiveness, and try to forgive yourself. NTA
yta your a bad friend. she knows you well. stand and be a better friend.
You need to talk to a therapist, not redditors. I dont agree with the other comments there is not a scale of 1-10 of how guilty you should feel this is a mild type of sexual assault and processing this should be with someone appropriately edcuated espcially because this is a family friend and they will be somewhat in or around your life goong forward. Someone who is on the recieving end of this can have complex reactions and you dont get to assume how they are feeling or what they think based on thier actions when any kind of sexual assualt or harassment has happened, even if long ago. I should know as ive been on the recieving end. Seriously call a pro for her sake and yours, the language your using tells me you need it even if its only a few sessions.
Yeah I’ve been thinking abt brining it up with my therapist so that’s good advice. I know I fucked up and you’re right I shouldn’t assume what she feels because it was still harmful and scary for her
NAH, but please consider seeing a therapist <3 the self deprecative way you talk about yourself is concerning