So my roommate (F20) and I (F21) have lived together for 2 years and are super close. Long story short, we decided that we’d shift to another town after college for jobs and stuff. The city we chose is one of the biggest and busiest cities, and it’s not easy at all to find a decent, affordable place, it would be a HUGE task.
After college got over, my family wanted me to come home for a few months before going away again. On top of that, my mother had an important and expensive surgery lined up and was scared. My brother is still in school and had to join an expensive class for college prep. My family’s financial condition is not strong enough to handle all this at the same time, so yup things were tough.
My roommate had none of these conditions. She just didn’t want to go back to her hometown because she doesn’t like them much. Sooo, she wanted me to go home for a few days, come back, go to the new city, find a place, and move, all within a month. Under her pressure, I agreed because she was getting really upset and said things like “don’t go home and suddenly change your mind.” I said I’d try everything to convince my parents.
Buuut once home, reality hit hard. My parents were extremely stressed and requested to postpone the plan, it was too difficult at the moment (also it was gonna be my family helping both of us move, not hers).
When I told my roommate, she lashed out BIG time, saying I abandoned & betrayed her. I explained how we were helpless and I genuinely didn’t have the money, but she still said I was a traitor & that I did end up siding with my family.
Nothing actually went wrong for her though, she just went home, which she didn’t want to do but wasn’t homeless or anything. A couple months later, she said she couldn’t move with me and would move in with her sister in another city because it would be too expensive for her family to support two daughters moving to two places. It made sense and I said it was okay, no hard feelings.
A few days later, I lightly said that I guess we’re even now. She got extremely angry, saying I really did betray her and left her all alone and helpless (which isn’t true, she went home just fine within a couple days). When I said the situation was helpless, she got even more pissed, saying I was flipping it on her.
I already apologized a LOT for changing plans suddenly. I didn’t even cancel them, postponed them. She still holds it against me and says I abandoned her. So, AITA?
YTA for the immaturity of your comments. Until that point it just sounded like two people growing apart as happens throughout life, but you deciding to call it even was a pointless escalation.
I made that comment because she brought it up, talking about how pissed she was at me for “what I did”. So, I said, aren’t we like even now, haha?
Good for you!
After reading your story a couple of times, it’s clear who’s the betrayed here, YOU. A friend who can’t understand your situation and blames your for it is no friend at all, and it seems like she’s trying to manipulate you, saying you betrayed her and all that sh*t and go back home like nothing happened, if this happened between me and you I would clearly told you that sucks but your situation is your situation don’t make me a factor when you have a lot more important factors to take care of.
Your friend is extremely immature and selfish. Life is full of tough decisions and, even if she was disappointed, she should have had empathy for your situation and tried to accommodate you. Going back to her hometown maybe wasn’t what she wanted but it was just temporary. Anyway one or two apologies is enough. There’s no reason for you to bend over backwards apologizing. Your family needed you and you were there for them. Stop allowing her to guilt trip you.
NTA
It’s a little more nuanced than one person being the AH for me, because I can see where you’re coming from, and if I were your friend, I would immediately understand and support your decision because times right now are TOUGH.
But also, maybe you shouldn’t have agreed/chosen that city with her in the first place. You could’ve said “maybe” or “we’ll see”
Now, while I can understand why your friend might be upset, her reaction seems overblown. Also, if she’s financially well, she needs to get a little perspective because again, the economy is TOUGH right now, if you had the financial means to move with her you would have.
You are right. OP kind of give her word and made her friend belive deal is done.
YTA for your passive aggressive comments.
You dropped out quickly with no warning. Which makes sense with your family’s monetary issues (Why were your parents going to support you? You could have gotten a job). However, after everything settled down and things were fine, she explains things with plenty of warning before it happened (unlike what you did). But you just had to bring it up again and say “Now were even!”
That’s pretty childish.
Oh, I didn’t bring it up, ever😭
I am too afraid of pissing her off. She brought it up, getting upset at me, I just said that, aren’t we like even now?
And my parents were gonna support me because as I mentioned, I just finished college. Also, I had just left a very bad job and was gonna start looking for new ones in some time. And, I never dropped out of nowhere, she had known about my situation for a long time. Ever since they started. She was there when I had a call with my parents and they initially asked me to postpone my plans and she made me say no to them. She didn’t give me any warnings in fact, one day she just texted me out of nowhere. I didn’t even know her moving with her sister was on the table.
Doesn’t really sound like a friend you want or need. I would’ve made a similar statement if I had been in the same position and my “friend” started bringing it up again though I wouldn not have said it “lightly”.
NTA. Some people are only happy if you move mountains for them yet they wouldn’t move a pebble for you.