To give some context, my best friend (Mina, fake name, 33F) and I (31M) have been friends for 11 years and are extremely close. We’ve been through happiness and losses, successes and falls, mine breakups, her divorce, deaths of relatives, etc. We have history and a deep connection. Also, add the fact that I’m gay AF – we don’t have any filter when we are together. It’s “speak before thinking” in all its terrifying glory.
Yesterday, we were at Mina’s place for the main goal of me meeting her new boyfriend(30M) in person. The plan was simple: some drinks, food, and board games. Just to celebrate the beginning of a new relationship in Mina’s life. At the beginning, everything was great. He was open and fun, I told some funny stories about Mina and me, and Mina and I roasted each other as usual. Her boyfriend laughed a lot watching us.
We had been drinking and talking for about an hour when the food delivery finally arrived. I noticed that some of the dishes were vegan, so, obviously, I asked a question about it. Mina isn’t vegan or vegetarian, and her boyfriend’s dietary preferences weren’t a topic we had discussed before.
So, the boyfriend told me he’s been vegan for the last 10 years. Without missing a beat, without a second thought, in the most flirtatious/seductive way possible, I looked at him and said:
“Mmmm, so you’re organic AND grass-fed?” Like he was a f\*cking piece of steak.
He. Was. Stunned. Mina? She was on the floor laughing. I apologized several times for crossing the line, but his mood wasn’t the same. We finished dinner, and I left soon after.
A couple of hours later, Mina called me and told me that after I left, he called me an a-hole and said he doesn’t want to meet me again. So… she broke up with him.
As she put it: “A man I’ve barely known for two months, who knew you were gay, who saw how we roast each other from the start, cracks over one bad joke? And gives me an ultimatum? Fck that. Organic stuff is overrated.” So today, we are going to celebrate a breakup.
Mina doesn’t think I’m an asshole, but I still feel really bad for being the reason this happened. I really was just comfortable in the company of Mina and, as I thought, a chill guy. AITA or maybe Mina and I both a-holes?
English isn’t my first language, I did my best.
Silly joke, but I think harmless. Unless you leered at him and licked your lips, I don’t get his outrage. She is best rid of him.
Tbo, I have no idea, what face I did. It was after several drinks. Maybe it was intimidating because I’m rather tall and large guy.
Or maybe you just flipped his sexuality with the pure seductiveness of your stare? That’s also entirely possible.
NTA sounds like you did Mina a public service. She’s right. Regardless of the joke, the boyfriend had no business laying down any kind of ultimatum.
I really hope so. Mina tell me that I’m like the line of defense from toxic men for her, but I’m not sure that this is the case
NTA Mina sounds like such a cool friend
Fckn good joke if you ask me NTA
An ultimatum in two months of dating???
NTA – this is solely based on Mina saying he tried to give her an ultimatum bc that would be massive AH behavior, otherwise it would be NAH. Sounds like he wasn’t into your type of humor so it’s better they found out early and could break up before it hurts more. No one is an AH for having a different sense of humor, you realized he didn’t find it funny and apologized. But if you try to control who your very fresh GF sees based on one bad joke, then your ex dodges a bullet breaking up with you.
I’m going to buck the general consensus here, and ask you to think about this in another way. What if you were a straight male and you did this to your best mate’s new girlfriend?
I wouldn’t blame her at all if she found that a disgusting and offensive move from a man she barely knows. Just because you’re gay and it was a man doesn’t mean it was okay to go heavy flirtatious with him.
YTA
I second this, I’m pretty sure it was the flirting part and not the vegan part that made them more upset. Plenty of people would be uncomfortable being flirted with by anyone, regardless of gender/sexuality
NTA
And as a vegan guy you’d be one of my favourite people because you made an original, funny, complimentary joke about vegans.
Yeah, I know, I let you know.
As a vegan, I can attest. That was a good joke. Dude needs to lighten up and laugh more.
Also vegan, also found it hilarious. The grass-fed part is just doing me in, damn