Recently, my (M) roommate (M) had some friends over for about 2 nights and three days. There were 4 people to be exact, 3F, 1M and everyone is in their mid-early 20s. We live in a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom and we share a living room and a kitchen. When the friends were staying, the apartment was quite cramped since everything needed to be moved for the air mattresses they were staying on. When I walk to go to the bathroom in the morning for instance, I have to walk very close to the wall and a little sideways.
Now, onto the issue. One of the mornings, I woke up to brush my teeth and instead of staying in the bathroom staring at the mirror, I stood at the precipice of the bathroom door and looked out. Out meaning just in the general direction of the room and windows, since that is the side that gets light. And that was where everyone was sleeping. If it matters, I just didn’t want to look in the bathroom (normally when I brush my teeth, I wander about the apartment but I couldn’t do that this time since everyone was out there sleeping.) After finishing brushing my teeth, I went back into my bedroom and that was that.
Another day, it was around lunchtime (1 or so) and I was in the kitchen making something to eat. My roommate and his friends came back home and were quite exhausted so they started to take a nap. When I finished making my food, I couldn’t eat at the table since that was moved for the air mattresses. In addition, I couldn’t eat at the couch since someone was sleeping on it. I could have eaten in my room, but I just didn’t feel like it. So I stood in the kitchen facing our guests again. Again, not really looking at anything, just sorta eating my food.
After my roommate’s guests left, he told me that I made them feel uncomfortable from staring at them. In retrospect, I did do that. I hadn’t even meant to make them feel uncomfortable and I was not actually staring at them, but I can see why they would be uncomfortable (and for the record, for the future, I’ll be more mindful about where I mindlessly stare off.) That being said, I felt a little angry that his friends would go as far as to say that I was creepy. I felt that I was tolerant of allowing my roommate to have that many guests for that many days and I didn’t get any credit for that. I also think that if you stay at someone’s house and it’s that cramped, there will just occasionally be awkwardness and its more appropriate to chalk it up to an accident than something else. I just feel like I didn’t get any benefit of the doubt. AITA for staring at my roommates guest or are they being a little dramatic in their response?
What is with all of these “accidental staring” posts recently?!
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It’s your apartment also, you can look wherever you want, NTA.
ESH. The guests/your roommate need to deflate the air mattresses and stow them during the day so that people can use the space for eating and other day use while they’re not sleeping in it.
But the teeth-brushing thing? Come on. I get it, I also like to walk around while doing boring stuff like that…..but it *is* a little unsettling to be half-asleep and have somebody mindlessly doing a repetitive motion while staring at you. Part of agreeing to let these people stay is agreeing to conduct yourself in a manner that doesn’t actively make the energy in the apartment weird.
I don’t think anyone is the AH.
I would have been very uncomfortable with your behavior and thought you WERE creepy. Unintentionally, but. Still. Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck. Is a duck.
That being said: I would just copy everything you posted here and text to your roommate. “Hey, just wanted to clarify my behavior.. ALSO YOU’RE WELCOME FOR MY SACRIFICE!” Because your reasoning is human and normal and NOT creepy.
It’s a basic misunderstanding. You don’t deserve to be vilified here, but neither do the guests for calling you creepy, or your roommate for not understanding the changes to your routine due to your sacrifice.
NTA. So 6 total people in a 2-2? It would be impossible to not be looking at someone. They can pay for a hotel next time!
NTA. Your roommate’s guests took over all the shared space in your apartment. Where were you supposed to look? Do they expect you to wear a blindfold?
NAH. I wouldn’t be allowing that many guests again though.
NTA
If you don’t want people looking in your general direction; don’t couch surf and stay in someones living room, get a hotel room.
Honestly NAH but leaning NTA. I get why they might’ve felt weird, but also like… where were you supposed to look, the floor? You live there. If I crash at someone’s place for 3 days and take over the living room, I kinda accept some mild awkwardness as part of the deal.
Very very soft YTA. If it was just circumstantial, then explain that and I am sure your roommate can reassure them. But you admit you were standing and staring in their direction multiple times. I would think that was odd if I was staying somewhere and someone did that. It isn’t that you’re not getting credit for allowing all those people to stay in your space. It’s that you did something kind of weird and they don’t know you well enough to brush it off as general awkwardness. Just explain yourself calmly and clear the air, don’t get defensive about it. You consented to them being there. If you aren’t comfortable with that many people staying in your space, that’s something to discuss with your roommate for future reference though.
NTA, but I would have brushed my teeth in the bathroom and taken my meal back to my room.
If I was a guest staying in the shared space of an apartment, I wouldn’t have expected privacy. I would have expected others to pass through the shared rooms to get what they need, but standing there taking in the sights does come off as creepy.
NAH.
It’s easy to see both why you would stare off into space while you zone out… and why some girls might think it was directed at them. Unfortunately there are a lot of creepy dudes out there.
Don’t worry about it too much though. You don’t have to be bffs with your roommate.