Am I the asshole, so my Dad doesn’t like Ozzy or Black Sabbath. and he purposely ruined my favorite Ozzy shirt. and my Black sabbath shirt has been missing for months now. and I keep asking where it’s at and he acts like he doesn’t know. but said he doesn’t want me wearing ozzy or Black Sabbath shirts and it’s so irritating. but when I get mad about it because I spent my own money on those shirts I get in trouble. because my Mom thinks I’m being rude for getting upset over it. I only have one Ozzy shirt left. and I was gonna wear it out. and my Dad said to wear something else. I feel like I’m just gonna have to buy those shirts again and hide them. because I just can’t deal with this at least until I can move out. My Mom thinks I’m being extremely disrespectful for being upset over this. Because I’ve talked to my Dad about this and we got into a huge fight because I said those were my favorite shirts. And him doing that was wrong. I told him I know he did it on purpose and my Mom thinks me saying that was uncalled for. but My Dad admits he did and I’m trying so hard not to say things I will regret. but it’s hard I did tell him he was a terrible Dad and I do regret that. but it’s the fact he knows what he’s doing. And knows it makes me upset. But he makes me out to be ungrateful and rude for being upset over it. So Am I the asshole for being upset over this. Or is my reaction towards him doing that completely justified?
Is this post from 1981?
NTA.
I, too, hate Ozzy, but that’s irrelevant. It’s YOUR shirt, and you should be able to keep it. How old are you? You need to move out of there.
I’m 16 so sadly can’t really move out right now
NTA
Not liking them is one thing, but ruining your shirts on purpose is not ok.
I don’t necessarily think you are being rude, your frustration is valid.
Ofc respect them, they are your parents, but be firm on your stand and make it clear to them that this is unacceptable.
That’s true, because everyone likes different things. but I personally could never purposely ruin something someone likes just because I personally don’t like it. and I definitely agree. I’ve definitely been holding back on a lot of things I want to say. because I don’t want to say anything I can’t take back.
I grew up in a household like this – mom got rid of our stuff without notification or discussion whenever it pleased her (including pets!). Unfortunately “being firm” is just seen as disrespectful and not “honoring thy mother and father” and unfortunately I think the OP just needs to get far away from them as soon as they legally can…
NTA, But When you’re an adult and on your own you can wear whatever you want.
NTA, respect is a two way street.. even with parents. If they can’t respect your property then they really don’t deserve your respect.
HOWEVER, if you aren’t old enough or don’t have the means to move out, then my best advice is to keep the peace. Don’t make it a thing, keep the shirts hidden or with a trusted friend and just do what you gotta do until you can move out. Also, make sure you won’t need help from them when you do move out. It’s easier to do your own thing if they have 0 control over you. I remember when my dad cut me off.. I went out and got my first tattoo and my nose pierced, when he didn’t like it, I said “too bad, you don’t help me financially so you get no say”
So work on financial independence and moving out as soon as you can/are old enough. Being on your own may be tough, but it’s better than being controlled.
You don’t say how old you are, and whether we like it or not, the “his house, his rules,” does apply here, as it will when you are in your own place.
Put the shirts away for safekeeping and wear them when you know you can without retaliation from him.
This isn’t about liking his behavior, rather about protecting your peace.
Take care and be well.
Get yourself a WASP t-shirt that says “I FUCK LIKE A BEAST” in large letters. Trust me, they are out there. My cousin got sent home from high school in 1986 for wearing one.
NTA. Make something of his disappear, see how he likes it.
I’m sorry to hear about your shirts Beavis
NTA, my dad and I did the same thing over my Black lipstick in highschool. He told me he didn’t want me to be the “freak” at school and hid it. I found it, stole it back and wore anyway. I also pierced my own ears (Multiple piercings) to which my dad tried to make me remove them.
The reality parents don’t realize. It pushes your kids away when you deny them things they like like this or just push them too far.
In my case I was so eager to move out and get away from my parents because of them telling me how to live my life that I moved in with a guy I had only been dating online and ignored every red flag. He wound up being a huge mistake, he abused me in every way (Sexually, physically, psychologically, financially, all of it) and left me with debt. I had to come back home to escape.
I was greeted with a “I told you so” which pushed that wedge between me and my dad further. Now my dad wonders why his kids didn’t want to talk to him in his older age. Why we all give him the cold shoulder most of the time. I’ve warmed back up to him because ultimately he’s my dad he’s softened a lot and become a bit more aware of what happened and why things were tense for so long.
Parents think they’re helping protect their kids when they do these things. True love and protection comes from letting them be themselves and being there to support them and guide them.