AITA. So my girlfriend (40f) and I (38m) have been together about 2 years. Both divorced and each have a child mine 8 hers 9 only a few months apart. I work on an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico and am home for 2 weeks and go to work for 2 weeks.
Over the last few months her snoring has gotten unbearable. I am constantly shaking her awake to roll over or asking her to go in another room. I’ve gotten up a few nights to just go sleep on the couch myself. When she does go into the other room she sleeps in the room I have set up for her son.
Her son has issues falling asleep on his own at 9. I can put mine to bed and walk away with no issues. With my work schedule I’m only home for a limited time and with her work schedule we only see each other at night and on weekends. I feel like our time together is already limited and our time together in bed is our only time to connect most days.
It has gotten so bad that when she goes to lay with her son for 20-30+ minutes. I fall asleep before she comes in just so I can get a few hours before she inevitably wake me up. We’ve tried breathing strips and mouth guards. Her dentist is her former father in law and he doesn’t recommend a sleep study, cpap, or oral guard like I use.
We’re on the verge of a breakup over this situation. Her solution is his sleeping in a different room long term but I feel like it’s really affecting our relationship. AITA and what advice a anyone give
Why is the former FIL/dentist saying not to get a sleep study done? Surely it wouldn’t hurt to rule any issues like sleep apnea out.
I’ve no helpful suggestions as I cannot share a room with anyone unless they are deathly quiet. But a huge advocate for separate rooms. Loads of couples do it and I get it. Start the night with a nice cuddle (and ahem whatever). One get k to the other bed. Reconvene in the morning for more cuddles and, whatever.
My husband and I sleep in separate rooms. His snoring is so bad that it made me resent him when I couldn’t sleep well. It’s not his fault. I start in his room for the night, snuggle, watch tv and fall asleep. When his snoring wakes me up I go to my room where my bed is all set up for me. At first I thought that it was a reflection on our marriage but we both sleep better this way. When we travel I use Ozlo sleep buds and they are fantastic.
NTA, I’m a great advocate of separate bedrooms. Everyone thinks it’s the norm to have to sleep in the same bed together but why force it if you can’t sleep together? You are on the verge of breaking up with her, if you really like her and want to be with her, then don’t be with her at night.
info: besides her seeing her ex FIL who is a dentist, has she seen an Ear Nose Throat Doctor, which IS the specialty that deals with snoring issues?
NTA but she should see a doctor. She could have sleep apnea.
>Her dentist is her former father in law and he doesn’t recommend a sleep study, cpap, or oral guard like I use
Good thing he’s absolutely not qualified to determine those things, except *maybe* the oral guard.
>Am i the asshole for wanting her to find a solution to sleep with me every night
She needs to consult with a sleep doctor. Other than that I’m not really sure what exactly you expect her to do after already trying breathing strips and mouth guards. Sleeping in separate rooms is more than reasonable as a current solution, I’m going with YTA
Not sure what action you’re asking us to judge. Why don’t you think sleeping in a different room is a viable solution? Has she seen a doctor?
NTA but why is the ex FIL having a say? She needs to speak to her doctor especially because sleep apnea can cause severe issues, so she needs to be checked out and assessed. This is already heavily impacting you and your relationship, it’s a problem. It’s ok to have separate rooms if you are both getting restful sleep and connecting in other ways.
>Her dentist is her former father in law and he doesn’t recommend a sleep study, cpap, or oral guard like I use.
Based on what you’ve described, he’s flat out wrong and is endangering her life by ignoring a serious problem. Get her into a sleep study ASAP.
NTA.
I know a lot of couples that sleep in different rooms. It works for them, it might work for you, too. Quality sleep is extremely important to the human body. I’d say N A H, but her sleeping in the room with her already struggling child is not ok. She needs her own room with a door to shut if the snoring is that bad. Perhaps after a sleep study and a possibly needed CPAP, you might move back into the same bed. But if not, that’s ok, too. There is nothing wrong with sleeping in separate rooms to make sure everyone is getting quality sleep.
Why do you need to sleep in the same bed?
Do some cuddles at the start of the night. She goes to sleep in the other room or on the couch if needed. Then comes back in the morning for more cuddles.
She needs to see a physician, not rely on her Dad the dentist. Having a sleep test is important if snoring recently started.
Shes not getting good sleep if she’s snoring and it can effect her life.
Sleep divorces save relationships. Why is sleeping apart going to impact you? You can still be intimate and loving without sleeping in the same bed. I’ve slept separately from my now husband for 7 years, together for 9. If we hadn’t made this choice we wouldn’t be married.
She would clearly benefit from a sleep study. Also, if you are the one who is only there half the time, why can’t you set up a separate bedroom?