So this just happened but also has been happening repeatedly.
I, 30F, have been going to bed at least 30 minutes after my husband (30M).
Not on purpose, mind you, this just always seems to happen.
You see, I am a sahm. We have 3 kids (1yr-5yr), and 2 dogs and 2 cats.
Before going to bed, I am always, ALWAYS, the one who has to let the dogs outside to do their last potty break of the night before plugging in their invisible fence collars. And then i have to turn off all the lights and sometimes prep coffee, depending on how early my husband needs to get up for work.
My baby always seems to wake up by the time my husband or i get upstairs.
So then, I have to nurse the baby, adding another 10-15 minutes to the nighttime routine. And, most of these nights, I hadn’t had a chance to ACTUALLY GET READY FOR BED MYSELF.
Also also: my 1 year old has entered a sleep regression stage. So getting him to go back to sleep after a feed is a pain in my already tired butt.
Tonight, my German Shepherd, that I didn’t want in the first place, he is my husband’s dog, chased one of our cats down the stairs causing drums drums drums in the deep. Thus waking the baby, so I had to feed him. It was 10:30PM.
I feed the baby and tried putting him back to bed. Nope. He was awake. Not done nursing.
So I nursed him some more. My 2 year old rolled over in his sleep and nearly fell out of his bed, waking himself up.
I tried shushing him and got him some milk. He cried very loudly and woke the baby, who I had just gotten to sleep. I was frazzled, to say the least and muttered for him to shut up, purely out of exhausted emotion. I corrected myself by whispering sweetly that I got him his milk and tucked him in. He began to doze but now my baby is very awake.
My husband grumbled at me that I always do this and that I should go to bed earlier. Like that is the ultimate solution. If I go to bed before him, I know he will not plug in the dogs collars or turn off the lights. Because of past experiences. I snapped at him and told him his commentary was not warranted nor wanted.
Was I/have i been the a-hole here? There are things I could do earlier, I’ll admit.
Your husband needs to get his lazy backside out of bed and help deal with his children and pets. NTA.
NTA. why isn’t this guy helping you?
OP actually has four kids. Only one of them is self-sufficient enough to manage to stay in bed without her: the 5 year old.
Husband needs to take some responsibility. How dare he just swan off to bed and leave you to deal with the pets and lights and then the kids when they inevitably wake up – and then have the hide to make out like it’s your fault you’re not in bed earlier???!? He sucks.
Why are you doing all of this? Why can’t he take on the potty break/lights/coffee? Or the 1 year old? Bring you the baby who needs to nurse? Why does he just get to go to bed?
NTA, you’re far from the first married single mother I’ve seen on reddit but that doesn’t make your husband’s inaction acceptable
NTA but also not to be rude. But is he expecting you a sahm to just tend for your 2 kids and a dog you do not want by yourself all the time? Did you guys not create a family together? He should definitely help you. It makes sense that you are feeling tired, overwhelmed, and frustrated.
Definitely sit him down to discuss how you are feeling and try to find a compromise for him to help. For example, either one parent takes turn doing this and the other get ready for bed. OR both of y’all help out to go to sleep together. He can help with the dog, while you help with the baby and he can help with the other one.
Taking turns and helping out is apart of marriage. You also need some time for yourself and it is okay to ask for help from time to time when you feel overwhelmed. OP I hope you get the help you deserve and a good night’s rest!
drums drums drums in the deep 😂 great reference.
NTA your husband sounds useless. Which is fine, I guess, if that’s what works for you guys. But he has to shut the fuck up about bedtime when he refuses to contribute at bedtime.
NTA. You need to go on the offensive. Write a list of everything that needs to be done before bed. He needs to be doing his share.
If he is whinging you’re late but is also not doing anything that needs to be done, then he is the problem. If you’re having to breastfeed, he should be running around doing everything else.
I’m very impressed that you’re regularly managing all of this in only 30 minutes, holy shit. NTA *obviously,* and I don’t even get how your husband’s comment is supposed to be disparaging. Like yes, parents do tend to “always” take care of their children before going to bed. Your husband should try it sometime.
NTA. You don’t get much time to yourself and will potentially be woken up with baby and toddler in the night so do whatever works for you to keep yourself sane at a crazy time. I never saw the point in going bed too early knowing I was going to be up through the night anyway.
Also, you should never take any arguments seriously that late at night when you’re tired from staying up with small children.
NTA.
If your husband actually pulled his weight and helped getting everything taken care of at night you *both* could get to bed sooner.
Why isn’t he dealing with the dogs? Setting up his own coffee?
Sorry but why isn’t that grown man being a man and helping you out?